Coping with Mother's Day (when your Mom has gone)

[Dee]

Does anyone have any ideas about coping with Mother's Day when your Mom is no longer here? My Mom died just four days after Mother's Day in 2003 and I have never felt able to face the day since then. This year could be even worse as Mother's Day and the anniversary of her passing both fall next Sunday. I just hate havng all the adverts for chocs, flowers, soppy records etc. shoved in my face at this time of the year - and then I have to go through a similar experience in June, as my Dad died just a few days before Father's day in 2008. I have no children of my own, so have never experienced Mother's Day from the other end of the equation. It can feel a very lonely and miseable time.

I usually go down to my Mom's grave on or just before the day to take some daffodils from our garden. Also, I have a friend whose Mom died a few days before my Mom, she feels down as well and we manage to console each other a bit at this time of year, but there surely has to be something a bit more positive that I can do - any ideas?

Thanks

[charles47]

Maybe you and your friend can meet up and do something nice together?

Gill's father died the day before her birthday a few years ago, and it's occasionally a bit tough for her so I always try to do something nice: it's a bit easier for me though because we try to go away for her birthday if we can, as it's in June. And I'm not surrounded by advertising.

[susieq]

How about meeting up with your friend for a lunch in celebration of both your Mums' lives rather than in remembrance of their passing ? And the same in June for your Dads' ?

Or perhaps you know of a local Care Home where some of the residents don't have family to visit this time of year - maybe you could take an elderly lady (or two) out to tea ?

[evedan]

This is my 1st year without my mum IT IS VERY HARD!!!! But my daughter is taking me to a cookery demonstration by JAMES MARTIN at Denby pottery visitor centre near to where i live and i am looking forward to it

[no1mum]

It's just over 2 years since we lost our Nan, April 2nd was her birthday, knowing it was close to Mothers Day as well for our Aunts 60th birthday(which was last year), we booked for a day out on 2nd April for Aunt and Uncle, our Aunt was touched when she realised the date we'd booked.
I was carer for our other Nan, she passed away on 31 October(halloween), the day before my 40th birthday, I found going out around that time upsetting as all the costumes and halloween RIP tombs seem to be everywhere.

[Lazydaisy]

I have bought a balloon in Clinton cards, for my late mother, and will be going to the beach and sending that up to Heaven for Mum.(the card attached to the card has a poem on it).
Dee have you thought about sending some flowers to an old people's home,for the residents?

I hate Mothers Day now,because one of my children is not with me any more. Worse than Christmas or my birthday.Not to get a card with his name on it,but I still have to smile for my other children and my grandson.

[Eun]

My father died on our 28th wedding anniversary last year and its going to be very difficult to celebrate our anniversary this year. I will probably take flowers to his grave a few days before it as my husband says life has to go on and he doesn't want to spend our anniversary at my father's grave.

Eun

[Dee]

Thanks for all the suggestions so far! This is obviously a subject which touches a chord with lots of other people.

The lunch idea is a nice one, unfortunately, J lives in South Wales and I live in Shropshire. In fact, she was up this way a few weeks ago and we did have a nice get together then, and we will certainly be supporting each other over the phone in the next few days.

I rather like the idea of sending some flowers to residents of a local care home who won't be getting visitors on Mothers' Day - there must be ladies in this situation, I will look into it. Don't think I'd be brave enough to actually go on my own and visit someone I don't know, I remember having to do that that for a community project at school and it scared the living daylights out of me!

Evedan - you lucky thing, going to a James Martin cookery demo - do have a lovely day and say hello to him from me , I think he's great!

Many thanks again for your responses and for sharing the ways that you cope with these difficult occasions.

[mand65]

my mum died nearly 12 years ago, i used to avoid the card shops, when i was there i felt an overwhelming urge to walk to the mothers day cards and pick them up, throw them in the air like conffetti, people say it get better with time, yep it does....im now safe in the card shops

just go with the flow, it takes time....to me its just a day and who profits (aint that awful to say), i dont need a card to tell me how much my children love me and i, how much i loved my mum.........these days are lovely for some people and painful for others, for children who have lost parents/parents who have lost children.....go with the flow, i think the first anniversaies are the worst..... is there a neighbour that might like flowers

[Catja]

Sorry no advice to give, but I was in an independant card shop the other day, one bus stop away from the local crem.

<Get to the point, Woman!>

Anyway, while picking out about a dozen birthday cards and 3 Mothers Day cards, I noticed some which were postcard size and laminated. They had headings like "To my mother now that you're no longer with us" and by the looks of it were intended for reading out or laying on the grave on the appropriate day.

Not to everyone's taste, but I suppose they might help bridge the gap in the first few painful years.