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The profound affect of caring - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

The profound affect of caring

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
79 posts
How are you getting on Cherish?
I am really sorry but I made another suicide attempt. I am finding things so unbearable. I've been to hospital and came out today. Although my life as a carer was hard, I long for that time when there was love in my life, when I was well and I hadn't damaged my body through the overdoses I've taken. I have a constant ringing in my ears from an aspirin overdose I took four weeks ago. It's so intrusive. The constant ringing was the final straw that made me attempt suicide this time. I am sorry to be so negative x
I'm sorry you feel so low.
Did the hospital discharge you with any back up?
When they discharged me they assessed me as 'high risk' but just gave me one appointment with the crisis team, who visited me early in the morning at home. They established that I had no plans for that day, no plans for the weekend, had no appointments with my GP, had no upcoming outpatient appointments. "So you're just going to see what happens, then?" they asked "Yes" I replied. They left and told me to have 'a lovely day'. If I was checking on someone who had been discharged as high risk, then the fact that they were stating they had no future plans and clearly had no ongoing medical support would make me concerned. It's bizarre. The Crisis Team are not coming back and it was a one-off visit.
Hello Cherish,
haven't been on here for a couple of days so just seen your posts. So sorry that you are having such a bad time. Please don't be apologising for it - you don't owe anyone apologies. As for the crisis team, how useless. I could scream when people say 'have a lovely day' when they know how you're struggling, it's so insensitive.
How are you doing now? Keep talking to us.
love, Lesley xx
Hi Cherish, I lost my darling mum - who was my dearest, bestest friend in all the sixty something years of my life- two years ago. By the time she died she hardly knew me and was really cross as I had to do everything for her - we're talking cleaning bums here. My beloved Dad died two years before - about the same as I cleaned him up while discussing the Open University course I was taking in a desperate attempt to retain a part of me. Since they both died I have been through so many emotions from a total wish to die with the feeling of not belonging anywhere anymore to a degree of anger which has been amazing to someone so mild as me - I just want to stand and scream. The sheer anger is so fierce I sometimes feel I cannot control it. Is any of this recognisable to what you are going through?
I am hanging on by my fingernails, doing what I can to get through each day, because, when in comes right down to it, they loved me and I loved them and now I need to go on with my life. I am not a strong person, nor even a healthy one but I am prepared to somehow get through each day until I find a contented way of living. Please hang in there with me - you are a wonderful and caring person and are due a good, contented life.
Take great care of yourself my dear fellow traveller -If it helps I will check in each day and we can exchange progress.
Hi Lesley

Thank you for your message.

I'm finding it so hard to stay alive. I spent the morning online researching suicide methods to see if I could find a way I haven't thought of yet.

This afternoon I went for a long walk to see if it would help but it hasn't. I am trying to keep going. But I cannot see any reason to continue, - and can see every reason not to continue.

Cherish xx
Hello Solange

I have just seen your post - Thank you so much.

Yes, I can relate to a lot of what you have felt. I experience dissociation and that means I'm very detached from everyone anyway. And yes, I now get so angry that I swear....and I have never sworn in my life before. It's like I have become a different person, and when people say I'm caring, as you have, it makes me cry because I no longer recognise that in myself. I am so far detached from the rest of the world that I'm not sure I exist as a personality - only as a physical presence xx
Today I had an outpatient appointment at the hospital for some physical after-effects of overdose, and the consultant asked what support I was getting from MH services. She said that if I reached the point of suicide again I should walk back through the hospital doors because MH services would have a duty to help me.
Cherish please don't forget the advice you were given by the consultant.
hi cherish, just thinking about you and hoping you're ok. It's obvious that you are a caring person - you are still able to post replies on this forum to others who are in pain, despite how you feel yourself. The world needs all the good guys it can get. Please go to your gp or a&e and tell someone if you can't subdue the suicidal thoughts. I want to come on here tomorrow and find you here. Lesley xxxxxx
79 posts