The profound affect of caring

[cherish]

Hi Lesley

Hope you are feeling okay today.

I'm just trying to survive a day at a time. I cannot see any reason to continue but I have survived the last few days. The one short-term thing that I am continuing for is a training course on Monday and Tuesday in suicide intervention skills. It's a course that trains you to intervene and help when someone is suicidal. I booked a place some time ago. It's ironic that I will be doing the course when my own risk is high, but I think most suicidal people instinctively want to prevent other people from committing suicide, even when they are at that point themselves.

Joy xxx

[lell7]

Hello Joy,
I actually wanted to get up today, first time in months, so I'm not getting carried away but hoping it's a start to being more positive.
The course sounds interesting, perhaps it may help you too, looking at it from a different angle ? I've found I'm best if I don't think about the big picture, keep to the small scale. When we are ok we don't think about whether to go on, we just do.
Traumatic events cause us to pose the question, but we don't have to find an answer today or tomorrow. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope to find myself at the top of the mountain one day. If I looked at where I'm trying to reach I'd never set off.
Hope today is good for you. Lesley xxx

Solange, hope your sister is better. I got cross at the idea of you being 'grateful' for a roof over your head !! I feel an undercurrent of that too, it's so unjust. Hope you have a good day xxx

[Booksey]

How are you guys doing you haven't posted for a few days?

[cherish]

Feeling bad. Sorry, but I just am. The quote about the 'perfect disaster' on your posts seems very appropriate to what has been happening recently, but I just can't admire the perfection yet (although I like the quote).

I was planning this morning (you'll know what I mean by that) and thinking maybe after the Suicide Training course would be a good time. Maybe I will feel differently after the course, if I can make myself go - because I've considered pulling out. It means a journey by train and a 5.30 am start so it's very easy to ask myself "Why go?" I'll do my best to go.

[Booksey]

Hi Cherish really glad you are okay although not having a good time.
If you look the guy up he has a site he has lots of good quotes.

I find myself asking why do this or that I know its hard sometimes to find a reason but I try even if the reason is only to get me out side. I'm sure the course will help you and enable you to help others

Take care x

[lell7]

Only just managed to get up today, sleeping all day. Don't know what's to do with depression and what's physical now, just exhausted. Yesterday was a good day so perhaps that's how it's going to be for a while.
Cherish, sorry you are feeling so bad. Hope you are able to go to the course, I'll be thinking of you. Take care xxx

[bowlingbun]

Lell, if your body wants to have some extra sleep, just give in and let your body sleep. After all, if you were caring for one year and missed out on just one hour a night, that's a total of 365 hours shortfall! I'm always more tired when it's cold and grey and damp outside. As soon as the warmer weather comes I "spring" into life again.

[lell7]

Hi bb,
when you put it like that I'm due a few years in bed !! I'm always better once it gets lighter and brighter too, just hoping I'll have the energy once spring is really here because this winter's been so bad. I remember last year was awful, I was exhausted and stressed because of extra problems with dad's health but this is different and I'm having trouble seeing ahead. I suppose when you've someone to look after you just keep going somehow no matter what, harder to do it for yourself. Been through some bad times in my life but never felt this low, in this way. Had a better day yesterday then today just flat out, but I'm used to that with the arthritis so maybe I have to treat this the same. GP gave me some meds last week so I'm seeing how I feel on those, don't like to resort to them but I wasn't coping at all and if it helps me to see more clearly and feel a bit stronger it's worth it. Lesley xx

[bowlingbun]

It takes a while for some pills to take effect, so promise yourself that you'll take all the pills the doctor prescribed for at least a month. By that time the clocks will have changed and hopefully it will be a lot warmer too! In the meantime, make sure that you get a little bit of fresh air every day and that you are eating properly.

[lell7]

thanks bb, I know that makes sense. Not getting out doesn't help, I'll be glad when it's warm enough to sit in the garden. xx

Cherish - how are you today?

Solange - are you ok?

booksey - hope today went well for you xx