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- Member
Tue Mar 17, 2015 7:48 pm
It's been a long time since I have been on here, never really got around to thanking you all for the support you gave, also thanking those who sent pms, that I just couldn't reply to, you know who you are, and words alone cannot express how much that helped.
It's been over a year now since Kerry Ann left us, I threw myself into work, painted the smile on, and used the I'm ok reply.
No family turned up for the funeral, except our son, and he only did that because everything was paid for him, now back to normal, no cards, nothing, just a message when he needs money. At the stage now where I just want to tell him, forget it, his selfishness knows no bounds, sometimes life is just so cruel.
Christmas was awful, spent every part of it out, anything anywhere, just get through, then we had Julies birthday on the 22nd Jan, followed by what would have been Kerry Ann's 25th on the 23rd, awful awful days.
I ignored my birthday, no meaning to them now, then came the anniversary of her death, the 1st of March, we put flowers lit candles, a couple of friends left flowers, and the 2 people who although we work for them, showed more love and compassion than any of her family, made sure they were here and put flowers for her, from our family nothing, no message no email, no flowers nothing, I can never forgive them for this.
Julie bless her, kept going, god knows how, most of that last year she no longer wanted to be on this earth, she still doesn't but has kept going somehow, now it's just the 2 of us and the rescue furry family left, time has caught up with me now, it always does, you can only run from grief for so long, somehow have to find the energy to get up in the morning, and more importantly the will to carry on, rather than just sit down and give up, I have never felt so tired in my life, so utterly exhausted, how do people keep going when the rest of the family who you would have thought would have helped, desert you at the worst time of your life. You can't pick your family, but we must have been something terrible in any previous life to have deserved this. Where will we be in another year, I have no idea, we go every night to the cemetery and light the everlasting light, that is all we have left, after 24 years of caring what the hell do we do now, some of you know better than us, that once caring stops so does any help, just the scrap heap that way sign. So here we are one year on, racked with guilt because we couldn't keep her safe, wishing she would come home, yet realising that isn't going to happen, and wondering, what do we do now. Nothing ever prepares you for the pain, nothing prepares you for the emptiness, thank you all for the support, you helped me more than you will ever know.
Paul.
It's been over a year now since Kerry Ann left us, I threw myself into work, painted the smile on, and used the I'm ok reply.
No family turned up for the funeral, except our son, and he only did that because everything was paid for him, now back to normal, no cards, nothing, just a message when he needs money. At the stage now where I just want to tell him, forget it, his selfishness knows no bounds, sometimes life is just so cruel.
Christmas was awful, spent every part of it out, anything anywhere, just get through, then we had Julies birthday on the 22nd Jan, followed by what would have been Kerry Ann's 25th on the 23rd, awful awful days.
I ignored my birthday, no meaning to them now, then came the anniversary of her death, the 1st of March, we put flowers lit candles, a couple of friends left flowers, and the 2 people who although we work for them, showed more love and compassion than any of her family, made sure they were here and put flowers for her, from our family nothing, no message no email, no flowers nothing, I can never forgive them for this.
Julie bless her, kept going, god knows how, most of that last year she no longer wanted to be on this earth, she still doesn't but has kept going somehow, now it's just the 2 of us and the rescue furry family left, time has caught up with me now, it always does, you can only run from grief for so long, somehow have to find the energy to get up in the morning, and more importantly the will to carry on, rather than just sit down and give up, I have never felt so tired in my life, so utterly exhausted, how do people keep going when the rest of the family who you would have thought would have helped, desert you at the worst time of your life. You can't pick your family, but we must have been something terrible in any previous life to have deserved this. Where will we be in another year, I have no idea, we go every night to the cemetery and light the everlasting light, that is all we have left, after 24 years of caring what the hell do we do now, some of you know better than us, that once caring stops so does any help, just the scrap heap that way sign. So here we are one year on, racked with guilt because we couldn't keep her safe, wishing she would come home, yet realising that isn't going to happen, and wondering, what do we do now. Nothing ever prepares you for the pain, nothing prepares you for the emptiness, thank you all for the support, you helped me more than you will ever know.
Paul.
xx
