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So what happens now? - Carers UK Forum

So what happens now?

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
This is extremely hard to write, as I'm sure people here understand.

I lost my mum last Saturday. I've been her carer since I was 6. It's always just been me and her and I feel like my worst nightmare has come knocking at the door.

Three days before the funeral the carers allowance agency called to complain they had paid me on the Monday, when my mum had passed on the Saturday. I didn't think to call them, I'm barely remembering to eat.

I will be going to the job centre on Monday to pass forms about my mums pension and disability etc

I have no idea what to do, I couldn't get a job now if I tried, I'm either having panic attacks, in a heap crying or sat staring into space. But I have a house to pay for, I lived with my mum and have gas, electricity, water, insurance etc to take over, on top of £3300 for her funeral. And all I want to do is crawl into a hole and cry.

I can't staand the way they speak to you like you're trying to steal money from them or something, or just lazy and trying to get out of work. When I've worked 24/7 looking after my Mum my entire life.

Can anyone give me any advice as to what to expect when I go the job centre?

Thanks
Hi J79.

I can't give you specific advice but know there will be somebody along soon to help. I just wanted to offer my sympathy for the loss of your mum, it must be such a terrible time for you.
I too lost my mum this year, she died on the 31st July. I am not the only one to lose a parent, others from this forum have lost loved ones including spouses-this has been a difficult year for many on the forum.

Please let us help you get through this-you won't be on your own. I would suggest calling the Carers UK advice line for help re your financial position as a first move. You can leave a message for them and they will call you back.

Can I tentatively suggest a visit to your GP if you are struggling? They may be able to help you through this difficult time too.

Others will be here soon x
Hi J79.

I can't give you specific advice but know there will be somebody along soon to help. I just wanted to offer my sympathy for the loss of your mum, it must be such a terrible time for you.
I too lost my mum this year, she died on the 31st July. I am not the only one to lose a parent, others from this forum have lost loved ones including spouses-this has been a difficult year for many on the forum.

Please let us help you get through this-you won't be on your own. I would suggest calling the Carers UK advice line for help re your financial position as a first move. You can leave a message for them and they will call you back.

Can I tentatively suggest a visit to your GP if you are struggling? They may be able to help you through this difficult time too.

Others will be here soon x
Thank you, I will be making an appointment at the doctors tomorrow.

I didn't think to call the carers UK line, I will do that tomorrow.
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. Sadly, I have now lost three out of our four parents, closely followed by my husband, who died suddenly from a heart attack, so I know something of how you are feeling. Firstly, there are the practical issues to attend to, whether you like it or not. Don't ignore them, but write to anyone you are financially involved with, let them know your change of circumstances, and ask them to be understanding while you rearrange your finances. If you don't feel happy doing this on your own, ask CAB for advice. I bought a book called "What to do when someone dies" which was very helpful, and you will find some hints and tips elsewhere on this site - I'm useless at "links" but I know someone else will read this and arrange it. Then you need to get your head round this enormous change in your life, and it will take time, an awful lot of time. You can't avoid the tears and the heartache, but you can ask your GP to put you in touch with some counsellors locally - I found this a huge help. You are at a huge crossroads in your life, without a map. One of the most daunting things I found when I lost my husband was the lack of someone else to talk to before making a decision. It will take time before you feel comfortable doing this. The Golden Rule for the first year is not to make any long term decisions at all if possible, because your head is all over the place. The second thing is to remember that it's better to make no decision than to make a bad one. Then remember it's OK to be kind to yourself. This is the time for bubble baths to help you relax, for warm cocoa, for doing nothing when you don't feel like doing anything. Grieving is very tiring. I'm sure you have many skills which an employer would love, loyalty, kindness, compassion, gentleness to name but a few. I hope that helps, we are all here to support each other.
Hi J79.

Sorry, but i cant offer any advice either. I just wanted to offer my sympathy also.
I think if the person you care for passes away, DWP pay you IS for 1 month. Thats what happen to me when my mum passed away back in 2008. So you got some weeks to work things out at least.
But you need to contact CA department about the change, and also JSP about your change for the IS.
You maybe able to get something from the social fund for funeral payment, my dad got some not much, just to cover a basic funeral, had to pay the extra if you want something more.
What i can see if your past pension age, DWP responed to you a lot better, someone comes out to sort all the paper work, but that was back in 2008 not sure if they still do that.
Found this link What to do after a death

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/dwp1027.pdf
Firstly I am so sorry for your loss.

Have you rung the DWP's bereavment line it may be less traumatic than going into the job center. I found them very helpful, they informed all the departments IS, carers etc and made sure that they checked to find out what I was entitled to. They also took all the details over the phone so no form filling.

My carers allowance and parts of my IS support continued for a number of weeks ( I think it was 8 but I'm not certain). I don't get housing benefit but council tax benefit was also on going.

This must be a terrible time for you please take care of yourself.
Booksey yes it could have been 8 weeks what i got after passing of my mum, someone should beable to clear this up.
So sorry to hear this. It has been a tough year for many forum members and many will understand what you are going through.

Some advice here too, over several pages
http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice ... erson-dies