I was not an official carer for my identical twin but I was very supportive of her recovery and return to work from a brain haemorrhage.
She had returned to work and was loving life and happy and 2.5 years ago was found collapsed and unresponsive, the paramedics could not shock her back to life, they did everything to no avail.
I am devastated to lose my twin and suddenly.
I feel so guilty that it was her and not me.
Guilty that I was not there to stop it or save her.
I was going to do a jokey reply to a text I found from her from late the night before, I was going to do it at around 0830/45 but told myself not to because she is busy - that's when the paramedics were working on her.
A policeman came to tell me. I stared at him like a child being told Santa isn't real.
Then I had to find the words to tell mother and feared her having a fatal stroke or heart attack, she didn't but she could have.
That night in bed I woke up and I was bouncing off the bed like someone being shocked back to life, it happened for a few nights running - at that point I did not know that the paramedics had been doing that to my twin. I was going through her shocking to life.
My twin was an hour away and had to be taken to the morgue for an autopsy, two agonising weeks to have her brought home to the family service we use.
I had to deal with all the arrangements and sign the papers.
I had to sort out her estate.
I did the eulogy, I could not have anyone else do it.
I was a pall bearer, I had to escort her in with my love.
I have been traumatised and have PTSD
I've had some silver jewelry made with her ashes and hair in them.
We were a twins group in facebook and someone informed me of the twinless group which helped to normalise what I was going through.
Twin bond is immense.
My twin was cheated of her life and I have been cheated of my precious soulmate quirky, hilarious, weird, warped, twin and the most beautiful soul of an angel on this earth.
I swear that I will live for both of us.
She had returned to work and was loving life and happy and 2.5 years ago was found collapsed and unresponsive, the paramedics could not shock her back to life, they did everything to no avail.
I am devastated to lose my twin and suddenly.
I feel so guilty that it was her and not me.
Guilty that I was not there to stop it or save her.
I was going to do a jokey reply to a text I found from her from late the night before, I was going to do it at around 0830/45 but told myself not to because she is busy - that's when the paramedics were working on her.
A policeman came to tell me. I stared at him like a child being told Santa isn't real.
Then I had to find the words to tell mother and feared her having a fatal stroke or heart attack, she didn't but she could have.
That night in bed I woke up and I was bouncing off the bed like someone being shocked back to life, it happened for a few nights running - at that point I did not know that the paramedics had been doing that to my twin. I was going through her shocking to life.
My twin was an hour away and had to be taken to the morgue for an autopsy, two agonising weeks to have her brought home to the family service we use.
I had to deal with all the arrangements and sign the papers.
I had to sort out her estate.
I did the eulogy, I could not have anyone else do it.
I was a pall bearer, I had to escort her in with my love.
I have been traumatised and have PTSD
I've had some silver jewelry made with her ashes and hair in them.
We were a twins group in facebook and someone informed me of the twinless group which helped to normalise what I was going through.
Twin bond is immense.
My twin was cheated of her life and I have been cheated of my precious soulmate quirky, hilarious, weird, warped, twin and the most beautiful soul of an angel on this earth.
I swear that I will live for both of us.