This may be a strange question to ask but........

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
........ If you have decided to keep the family home that you grew up in do you ever get over the overwhelming sadness that accompanies the "memories"?

I'm finding this especially difficult being in the garden this beautiful weekend. I think that this maybe because the "house" has been ongoing for me as a carer over the years and so the memories of caring duties are littered about the house. I haven't ventured into the garden really for years and so the garden holds memories from further in the past.
Difficult for many given the " Mixed " feelings when looking back at one's caring days.

" Home is were the heart is " ... only the face that leers back at you from a mirror can answer that one.

One's heart has the attachment but ... where is one's head ?

For many , even that choice will end when the caring does ... insufficent resources being the number one culprit.

For those in social housing ... and many assume but do not check until it's too late ... a panic situation on the tenancy arrangements and , if no automatic right to succession ....
it's not strange at all to my mind. Of course we associate strong memories with our childhood houses. And strong memories mean strong emotions.

I would give yourself time to 'mull' things - let memories come, and they can be VERY vivid, almost as if they happened only yesterday - and time can 'dilate' in the mind .
Hi Blossom
I'm still in the family home but I'm doing pretty well at not dwelling on the bad memories. I had a moment amongst the trees as I recalled that I should be going into the house to give dad an update on the trees and he wasn't there to tell, but the day to day stuff I'm fine with.
I've had years to practice as mum collapsed in the house nearly 40 years ago and I got over that so I'm not going to let Dad's dementia in his 90s get the better of me.
Having said that I still don't have Dad's room back in use but that is more to do with not wanting to waste money putting heating in unless I'm staying and still slightly hovering.
Chris From The Gulag wrote:
Sun May 06, 2018 11:25 am
Difficult for many given the " Mixed " feelings when looking back at one's caring days.

" Home is were the heart is " ... only the face that leers back at you from a mirror can answer that one.

One's heart has the attachment but ... where is one's head ?

For many , even that choice will end when the caring does ... insufficent resources being the number one culprit.

For those in social housing ... and many assume but do not check until it's too late ... a panic situation on the tenancy arrangements and , if no automatic right to succession ....
It is shocking, that for some people, their home is the only home that they have ever known and they are forced to leave. This isn't the case for me but I panic at how some may feel in that situation. I can't believe how cruel we have become.
jenny lucas wrote:
Sun May 06, 2018 11:36 am
it's not strange at all to my mind. Of course we associate strong memories with our childhood houses. And strong memories mean strong emotions.

I would give yourself time to 'mull' things - let memories come, and they can be VERY vivid, almost as if they happened only yesterday - and time can 'dilate' in the mind .
Yes, I do like this house. I'm concerned that, if I do get the chance to keep it, the memories might just be too much to cope with.
Henrietta wrote:
Sun May 06, 2018 12:15 pm
Hi Blossom
I'm still in the family home but I'm doing pretty well at not dwelling on the bad memories. I had a moment amongst the trees as I recalled that I should be going into the house to give dad an update on the trees and he wasn't there to tell, but the day to day stuff I'm fine with.
I've had years to practice as mum collapsed in the house nearly 40 years ago and I got over that so I'm not going to let Dad's dementia in his 90s get the better of me.
Having said that I still don't have Dad's room back in use but that is more to do with not wanting to waste money putting heating in unless I'm staying and still slightly hovering.
I think that's a nice story about the tree. And it's exactly those sort of memories that I find the most difficult.

Also the memories of my parent's working in the garden when I was little. And Dad coming home from work and running to meet him. Also playing with my friends some of whom I still see and some I don't.
Sad fact of modern day life ... especially for lone carers.

Whatever assets / resources one has before caring , they tend to disappear pretty sharpish during those caring days.

In the absence of trying to better oneself through further education during those years ... the dreaded 21 Hour Rule ... what choice have many got when the caring ends other than to struggle in an outside world which has changed beyond belief since those caring days started.
Chris From The Gulag wrote:
Sun May 06, 2018 1:50 pm
Sad fact of modern day life ... especially for lone carers.

Whatever assets / resources one has before caring , they tend to disappear pretty sharpish during those caring days.

In the absence of trying to better oneself through further education during those years ... the dreaded 21 Hour Rule ... what choice have many got when the caring ends other than to struggle in an outside world which has changed beyond belief since those caring days started.
I've just googled the deaded 21 hour rule - I didn't know that existed. How ridiculous!
21 Hour Rule ?

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/news-and ... our%20rule


5,382 " Reads " as I type ... seems important to more than a couple of readers ?