Slow life!

[Stephanie_17051]

That's just how it feels. After 4 years caring and one year with carers hubby finally passed in March. Sad and relieved. And very exhausted even after a whole year of getting away from it regularly! In your experience how long does this take???

[bowlingbun]

A long, long time. This is the time to look after yourself, probably the first time in many years when you can do exactly what you like, or choose to do absolutely nothing!
Have you had a holiday on your own yet, without friends. This was a big step for me, my first real step forward for myself (I married at 19) but I've come a long way since then. Have you joined the widows group called Way Up, online? Well worth joining.

[susieq]

That's just how it feels. After 4 years caring and one year with carers hubby finally passed in March. Sad and relieved. And very exhausted even after a whole year of getting away from it regularly! In your experience how long does this take???

As long as it takes !

Grief is different for everyone - there is no one size fits all and the same goes for recovering from a loss. Some people seem to get back to 'normal' in a matter of weeks or months, others take much longer. It's rather like asking 'how long is a piece of string'. I found it took me quite a while to get used to Mum not being here any more and even longer to accept that I could do what I wanted when I wanted without having to rush around like a headless chicken. I, like many others have found, did go through a period of catching every bug that was going around because I was exhausted and my immune system was depleted. It was my body's way of telling me to take it easy !

It's only been a couple of months for you so it's not surprising that you're still feeling exhausted - just take it one day at a time and don't expect too much of yourself.

[Stephanie_17051]

Hi,

Well Samhain has passed, and its now 7 months from his passing. Still feeling exhausted, it takes such a lot out of me to have what should be a "normal" life. Maybe I am expecting too much of myself. No grief left in me, I did that over five years.
Now finding, with coming off the meds that I have more aches and pains than I thought I had. I am so fed up with crawling out of bed every morning, hobbling round like an older lady than I am (64). Anyone else had these experiences? Just want to feel normal!

[bowlingbun]

This may not be the best time to come off all your meds. After I was widowed, I joined the online forum "Way Up". Here, we all found that the "six month low" was the very lowest point, when the "Widow Fog" was beginning to clear and it struck us that this was how it would be forever.
I've now been widowed for 11 years. It has been a slow journey back to what is now a "new normal". Just concentrate on getting physically better, gentle walks in the fresh air every day, quantity rather than quality, is a good way to start. There are lots of former carers here, and I know others have also found it a long journey. So be kind to yourself, and allow yourself a few special treats.
If possible, plan a holiday next year. My mum left me some money and now I can afford to go to Crete. By chance I discovered a hotel just for single people, which has just won an international award. Google "Singles in Crete" and you will find the Mistral Hotel at Maleme. It's incredibly friendly, a lovely mix of people. There are always some former carers there too.

[Anne001]

Stephanie,

In my case well over a year and in fact I still have flashes of grief now. It has taken me almost that time not to jump every time the telephone rings - previously that signalled a problem and a trip to A&E. Ironic that when caring I longed for more time, and when I had the time, I didn't know what to do with it!

I agree with Bowlingbun that a return to normal is probably unrealistic. You can find though a "new normal!".

Having said all that, be careful not to attribute all aches and pains to bereavement. Maybe a checkup and chat at the doctors would be worthwhile.

Take care,
Anne