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Re my dad -Carers UK Forum

Re my dad

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Many of you may remember me on this forum, when i used to care for my mum, and then she passed away on 2nd October! Well my mum had a blood disorder. Anyway i received a letter last week from my dad, he informed me
he had Leukemia! I could not believe it!!!! Both of my parents with a blood disorder. Anyway after years of no
contact, we were connected again!! So he decided we should keep in touch by email. But he didn't allow me
to have a say, in how we communicate to each other!! He sent me an email but he made a remark about my mum.
Which i found offensive!! So i sent him an email informing him of how i felt about his remark he made!! He is not
used to women standing, up to him!! So he returned an email stating we should keep our distance for the time
being!! It may be just a temporary blip? I appreciate he is an ill man. However, he still wants everything on his
terms, just as when i was a child!!! I had been in the process, of making plans to travel to visit him, but that's
gone out of the window now!!
I wanted to be there for him, like i was for my mum!! I am wondering if i was too hard on him? However, i am
grieving for my mum, and found his remark in sensitive!!
Does any one see this situation in a different way?

kind regards
I think you have done exactly the right thing. Sadly, I suspect he is only getting in touch in the hope of having someone to look after him as he is ill, and you just seemed convenient. Mum was his ex, what did he do for her when she was ill and dying? Nothing?
Hi Brenda
After all you have been through, don't you think you deserve some time to rest and recover and to live your own life?
Am I correct in thinking that your dad has been a stranger to you and allowed you to cope with Mum's final illness without offering any support whatsoever? And NOW he decided he wants to be reconciled with you when it just so happens he will need nursing himself?
Do stop and think about it. Looking after him would be a very different experience to looking after your Mum, whom you referred to as your 'lovely Mum'. You have already spotted the danger signs. Please don't allow your sense of 'duty' towards someone who perhaps has long been father to you in name only, draw you into another caring situation. You already have a good idea of what it would be like and how bad it could get for you.
Don't go rushing to send a conciliatory e-mail. Don't go rushing to see him. Of course I'm not saying never to have any contact, I'm just saying don't do anything in haste.
Thank you to Elaine and bowlingbun for your messages!! Yes I know your right bowlingbun about the fact that I
have been through a lot, and his news has arrived at a difficult time for me!! He and my mum separated in 1981!
My mum didn't want anything to do with him, after their separation!! So he didn't know my mum had passed away,
until I told him last week!! He did not give me any response, to my news!!

kindest regards