Poor advice given by Social Workers

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Hi Sandra

I can see you are a former carer but physical problems are not as bad to deal with as mental health problems.

I can now see where you are coming from and I do understand that some people may think it is wrong that Social Care may involve payment but continuing care is free regardless of means.
As you know my father had NHS funding due to behaviour problems.

With regard to the house I don't think people realise is half of the house belonged to my mother and she was within her rights to will it to me so we are talking about half a house belonging to my father.
I started living there in 2003 and my father went in to care late in 2013 so it had been my home for nearly 10 years and I had a right to be in it regardless of what my father did.
During that time I had paid for improvements etc and I had spent money on Dad so where as I agree I had a nice inheritance it was a lot less than the value of the house.

I agree life is unfair in some respects but the law has to be upheld.
Some of my late wife's relatives thought they were entitled to a share of my mother in law's estate for example but it was willed to my 2 daughters ( their granddaughters ).
They argued that blood relatives should take priority.
I accept I am not a blood relative but I can not see why they are saying their granddaughters are not really blood relatives.

Sandra I think your solution to the problem of funding is rather drastic - I too pay income tax on my pension but don't resent that tax being used to fund care fees for those who need care but who do not have the resources to fund it. I may very well be in the same position one day - what I DO resent is my tax contributions being used to pay other people's Child Benefit and educate their children when I've never had any children of my own Image And, don't get me started on Maternity Leave Image In fact it's likely that a far greater portion of my tax is used to fund education than is used to fund care for the elderly Image

The majority of residents in care homes fund the fees in full themselves; some are entitled to a small contribution from the local authority; only the few with savings (including property) below the £23,500 threshold get their fees paid in full by the state.

One other small point - if, as you suggest, offspring hand over their inheritance to the local authority, who will pay any inheritance tax due (currently 40% on anything over £325,000) - the council or the person the property was willed to ?

And would you really want to see a number of, usually, elderly sons and daughters being made homeless and thrown out on the streets - most of whom have given up a large slice of their lives to care for their parent ?

It is fact that it is today’s younger generation whose taxes are paying OUR pensions – IMHO they are the ones who have the right to feel bitter as they are having to work longer to fund an increasingly ageing population.
Hi Susieq

I have only got my occupational pension so far and my widowers pension from my wife's scheme but I am paying £100 a week tax.
I have no conscience about taking my state pension when it is due as I was in the 40% tax bracket for a substantial part of my working life so I have paid for my state pension and a lot more.
With regard to paying toward other people's children's education and child benefit you obviously had an education as a child and your parents possibly had child benefit so you are really repaying this through your tax.
I agree people living longer is causing problems. I was in my 60's when Dad died and I know a lady in her 70's whose mother is still alive. Obviously we can not go around exterminating people in this position.

My father got his care fees paid by the state as he was sectioned under the mental health act and was a danger to the public.
I was not allowed to take him out of the home without a carer so as he had been deprived of his liberty he could not be expected to pay his fees.

Hi Brian

I know your father was only in care for 7 weeks but you said he was also in hospital for 100 days.
As far as I am concerned the whole house should be taken to finance this and you should use the proceeds of the house you sold to finance another property.
This will help pay for patients who do not have the money to pay.
I know you have said you have spent money on the property but you have been living there for 10 years and this money could be used to offset the rent you would have paid during that time.

Sandra, I have read with interest your views on this subject. I can understand that, as you say, you feel disappointed that you inherited very little but at the same time I think it is important to appreciate that many people have taken on the caring of a loved one and will be in a position when they say their final goodbye that they not only have no inheritance but are also left looking for somewhere to live themselves. Many who have cared for several years will have no personal pensions to fall back on, or to pay taxes on.

Life isn't a bed of roses, and I certainly don't need to say that to the members of this forum but perhaps consideration should be given to you forwarding your views to the "powers that be" that introduce the rules and regulations rather than the ones who are trying to get by whilst abiding by them.

In case you are wondering, I cared for my Mum and my dear Aunt, Miss Daisey. I travelled over to the UK every third week (and often more frequently) to care for Mum. I never received a penny carers allowance for either of my carees and as I blew the whistle on the NHS, I lost my job and never had a pension either. Due to my age I now will not receive any pension whatsoever until I am 66 or 67!

We all have our own stories and many have circumstances which I have no idea how they cope with day by day and I personally (and these are my own views and not with a moderator hat on) feel that we would gain more for the many if we use our voice to push for fairness for all.

Bell x
Hi Sandra / Brindleboy


I can not fault what you are saying.

There are houses less than a mile from me worth £1,500,000 plus and some of them will be inherited by the offspring. Of course inheritance tax may have to be paid.

I do have a pension which I earned and I could moan that I have only inherited a house worth about £400,000 and that includes about £100,000 which I spent on Dad and the house when I was living there.

I liked Dad to enjoy the same standard of living which I had wherever possible so I helped him pay for holidays, private health etc.

Oddly enough I took him to A & E twice during that 10 years both on a Friday evening excluding his stay for dementia and he was taken straight to a ward and was discharged by the Monday morning so he never used his private medical insurance during that time.
As it happens I think he enjoyed the company of the people by him.

I do not begrudge paying this money as both my daughters,2 of my granddaughters and myself used their private medical insurance.

I now consider myself to be blessed having read this thread with great interest.

We live in a modest ground floor council flat where I will end my days. My dad is in council sheltered housing and has no money to speak of and nothing in his house is of any great monetary value. His attitude to life and death is to live life to the extreme (formerly alcohol addiction, now online gambling) and he will be buried for the stink. I have managed to squirrell away enough to see him go to his maker as simply as my beloved mum did in 2006.

I am an only child so nobody to argue with about who should/should not provide the gaps in care for Dad.

I am full time carer for my husband who is 74 and was my childhood sweetheart in my dancing youth. We only got married 15 years ago but had been lifelong friends. I cherish every day we have together and he has ensured when he dies there will be no falling out with his family. His car and contents of his shed will pay for his funeral and they are only to be told of his passing when it is a fortnight too late for them to attend. He is one of a family of 14, just one older sister and a younger brother still survive.

If we win the lottery nobody would know as it would all go to good causes. I wouldn`t want to move and would never have a new car (too many electronic things to go wrong) and am happy with my lot in life.

I have a few years to go to my pension yet as the government keep moving the goal posts and like others in my family might not even make it to that age. My parents were told I was so ill as a baby I would never make it to five years of age.....The big 60 looms on the horizon in February next year.xx
Dear Brian
I do not agree with your statement that "physical problems are not as bad to deal with as mental health problems". They are simply different. My son is 28 years old and has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Robert was not expected to live long enough to see his 18th birthday. Rob uses a ventilator to help him breathe and a highly adapted electrically powered wheelchair to get around. He has a 2:1 Honours degree. He requires 24/7 care. Those I know who are carers for a mentally disabled person get a lot more respite than we get despite the fact that my son's condition is life limiting. When he was growing up there were no play schemes for kids with physical disabilities but there were at least four for those with mental disabilities. They tried to slot my son into one of these but it was a complete disaster - he hated it - he was still on his feet then (just) and the very affectionate and very large children who had Down's Syndrome would come up to him and try to hug him which terrified him as he fell so easily. They tried to slot him into one for able bodied kids but they treated him differently and he hated that too. Also I know that some people who are caring for their elderly parents are facing losing them to death (I have lost my dad and my mother in law) but that's the way its meant to be - our children aren't meant to go before us - and we live with that every day. Every time Rob gets another palpitation we worry is this going to be the heart failure that kills him? Every time he gets a slight cold it can develop into a life threatening situation very easily. And you think this is easier to deal with than mental health issues do you - try walking in our shoes and see if you still feel the same.

Sorry to hear of your problems. I have just joined the forum and listed my social service problems on the introduction page.