One From Ten Years Ago : Now , A Decade on ... ?

[Chris From The Gulag]

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/admin-an ... group-3500


In essence , the role of FORMER carers in all aspects of caring ... fast forward to this Sad New World of 2018.

I am one ... and provide the extended NEWS section in the absence of anyone else doing so.

Nobody asked me to do so , I chose that route as my contribution in laying bare all the various mines and potential bombs on their way to CarerLand.

Obviously , the wealth of experience simply going to waste is frightening to say the very least.

Many carer groups which were in existence a decade ago no longer exist ... or do so in a lesser role of somewhere to go for a little tea and sympathy ... perhaps a garibaldi if you are lucky ?

Any reading this post see a more pro active way to engage former carers ?

Once a carer , always a carer ?

[Ree_1802]

This is interesting Chris.
I am only early 30s. Have looked after my mum since I was a child.
Later this year my mum will eventually move in with my sister. I will be moving to my own first house by myself.
Much as I moan, am completely exhausted, constantly in tears over mum and her behaviour sometimes... I am terrified of the change as it's the only thing I've known in my life? And yet I am also scared being at home with mum when she has one of her rages.

It's quite a unique situation to be in. And I think I kind of agree "once a carer, always a carer" even when you don't want to be one.

P.S. You are a star for keeping up the news section. I for one certainly appreciate it, and I'm sure lots if others do too.

[Chris From The Gulag]

" Once a carer , always a carer ? "

The analogy of a long term prisoner being release after completing his / her sentence ... some don't like that analogy but ... as a former , lone , 24 / 7 carer , precisely describes my view ... and the smell of over cooked cabbages still lingers ???

Yep , resonates with me ... I do little in this Sad New Year beyond providing a service , of sorts , for the few that still inhabit this forum ... it's own heyday a decade or so in the past ... 2009 ... a pivotal year in more ways than I care to mention in CarerLand.

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/news-and ... hilit=2009

That thread's title says it all ... the end of hope.

Nothing since , nor on the horizon , has changed my view.

[Brindleboy123]

Hi Chris - "once a carer always a carer" - 100% agree.

I too ceased being a carer some 10 years ago but have always felt that I had part of me still in that world - the dark days, the scary nights, the unknown but for me also the wonderful memories of the support on this forum that got me through. My situation is slightly different to many as I cared both from a distance and hands on. I lived and still live in Spain and travelled back and forth as if I was catching a but frequently. In fact, my visits formed part of an agreement with social services to provide Mum overnight care at one point.

Anyway, 10 years on I am a volunteer for a local charity. I somehow ended up as President which basically means that I spend much of my time planning how to help those in the community. You will not be surprised to learn that caring is always way near the top of my agenda. Carers UK mentioned in many conversations and helplines, carers group set up or in the process of. Loving life - miss loved ones but hopefully I am making them proud and using the "skills" I gained which includes patience and I hope compassion.

Life after caring can be exciting - is exciting and extremely rewarding.

Michele Masson, HELP Vega Baja - www.helpvegabaja.com

[Chris From The Gulag]

Each carer reacts differently to being " Released " from caring.

Each carer also sees his / her caring role differently from any other carer.

Some prosper / some tread water / some remain traumatised by their past.

Hence the prisoner analogy.

In most cases , the only person who can make a difference is the face one sees in a mirror.

As for me , nothing of real interest to report ... my life is now my own and I have various interests ... many persued for more than 50 years.

Keeping a close eye on CarerLand , and the danger to the class of 2018 coming from all directions , of immediate interest to any readers.

Somebody has to watch their back !

CareWatch did that a decade ago ... nowadays , only me still active.

[bowlingbun]

Ree, have you ever had a holiday in Greece on your own? I can tell you the best way!

[CN_1701]

As an ex-"carer by default" I can empathise. Myself and my wife never knew we were, and were never advised of the importance of communication as per NICE guidelines with regard to family care and help until it was too late and our son died through negligent practice and care.

Up to now (10 years) the NHS and PHSO Ombudsman have lied and colluded to ensure nothing of the negligence and collusion came out so nobody was identified for dismissal or prosecution. To this day I have suffered being unable to have any interests maintained since my son's death because I have been kept on edge and sleep-deprived by the Health Ombudsman and his entirely corrupt process. I can trust no-one least of all NHS professionals and have never had closure.

I had to start medication and counselling only as a result of the Health Services Ombudsman being so prejudiced and incompetent, showing total ignorance of forensic investigation. The PHSO has no training in the eye for detail needed, relevant to the injury. Carers do not count and that is made clear when approaches to GPs, NHS Trusts and Complaints handlers are concerned. Your experiences are slated as 'opinions' and nobody wants to hear about it after a calculated stance on negligence has been taken, especially where people have lied and legal departments have been involved. It's a no-win situation for all because further injury always results. Face-saving is Primary, and Care for the patient is Secondary; Carers can keep out of the way - you don't count now, or after their 'cared-for' has been lost. More will die and that will start a whole new process for somebody else to find this out; or will have the door slammed against them for just asking.

One day Carers will get a voice, but not while they are unappreciated in the 'NHS Care Model'. The irony is that the NHS system would collapse without Carer-contact which it likes to switch on and off as it suits them. The current system waste money and wastes lives but the endemic ignorance shown now has to be made criminal to ignore. My experience and my opinion for what it's worth.

Please ask CarersUK leaders to deal with these questions in public -- if they have the time and the stomach for it.