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Carers UK Forum • My husband has passed and I feel lost
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My husband has passed and I feel lost

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2020 12:23 pm
by Jess_1612
Hello everyone,

I am finding this hard to write, but I know that this forum is so supportive and filled with lovely people. My husband passed away from double pneumonia caused by COVID on Sunday. We had been shielding as he was immuno-suppressed, but unfortunately, a couple of weeks before his death, he was in hospital with pancreatitis and possibly picked it up there.

He was only 35. I have to register the death today and it just all feels so overwhelming. I've cared for him for 10 years - at different levels depending on his health - and the past 3 years he has needed quite intense care. He's been in my life for 11 years. My life was built around him. I feel lost and so confused right now.

I'm not sure what else to say. Just needed to post in a place people would understand. Xxx

Re: My husband has passed and I feel lost

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2020 12:36 pm
by susieq
Oh Jess I am so sorry to hear of your husband's passing. I do hope that you have the support of your family and friends but it must be so difficult right now.

Once you have registered his passing everything else can wait - Bowlingbun often recommends making a list and crossing off just one thing at a time; don't try to do it all at once. Any advice that you might need please ask us and, if we can, we will help.

Take care of yourself.

Kind regards
Susieq

Re: My husband has passed and I feel lost

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2020 12:45 pm
by bowlingbun
Hello Jess, I was widowed suddenly when I was 54, my husband had died in his sleep from a massive heart attack. The loss of a husband is awful at any time, but COVID is going to make things even harder.
The first awful job is engaging a funeral director. Be sure to ask about costs, and how COVID is going to affect any service.

I asked the funeral director to tell me what to do, and I would do it.
Once you have a date for the funeral, write to everyone you know (I used my Christmas list). Write one basic letter "I regret to inform you that xx died on xx.
Give details of the funeral director in your letter and then ask everyone to contact them , not you, for further information.
It's heartbreaking enough without having to repeat things over and over again.

If I can help you with anything, feel free to send me a PM.

Re: My husband has passed and I feel lost

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2020 1:44 pm
by Melly1
Dear Jess,

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. You cared for him and did everything you could to keep him safe.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one, especially someone you have cared for and therefore centred your life around, is particularly poignant.

During these difficult times, dealing with grief is made even harder.

Try and get out into the fresh air everyday and keep in touch with your family and friends to reminisce the good times you shared. I hope when this dreadful pandemic is over, you are able to gather together for a proper goodbye and to support each other in person.

Sending your cyber support.

Melly1

Re: My husband has passed and I feel lost

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2020 2:02 pm
by bowlingbun
I forgot to mention that there is an online forum called "Way" (the more senior group that I joined was Way Up" for the over 50's). It was very helpful, and they organised get togethers and later, holidays.

Re: My husband has passed and I feel lost

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2020 3:04 pm
by Pet66
Jess
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not an easy time, but especially during this pandemic. My thoughts are with you. Take one day at a time, and try very hard to look after yourself.

Re: My husband has passed and I feel lost

Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2020 8:52 pm
by MrsAverage
Oh Jess what awful sudden news.
I have been away from the forum for several months as my caring duties lulled but have just popped in for a quick check on everyone.
I see you haven't posted for over a week, but please do keep posting. The forum is so supportive and understanding..
No doubt your head and emotions are all over the place.
You were such a loving and caring wife, be proud of what you did and be gentle on yourself, always
Xxx
MrsA