Lost it, big time

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Oh heck where do I start? Missing Mum more than I realise. Since she has moved in to the Care Home things have changed a lot. I've had to take over the financial side of things - not that it is a problem, but transferring and setting up new direct debits and all that is associated with it, is not for the faint hearted.
I'm not a great lover of this time of year but I do the shopping, write the cards, put up the decos! Yep, I even sing along to the 'cheesy' songs. Ages ago, Mum told me that I'm like my Dad. He would do the shopping etc. but as for getting involved with the festivities, he didn't want to know. I like having the time off, but usually I have been in jobs which involve working flat out up to Christmas Eve or else some bigwig decides to have a re-organisation just before Christmas. Thanks!
Anyway todays issue was with my being blocked in. Got very wound up, and decided to go out and see if I could do anything about it. The car belongs to a neighbours daughter who is visiting and when I saw her Dad, he was very sorry and so, in all fairness was his daughter. They were nice and kind and full of apologies. I just broke down and said, I couldn't cope with the stress of it. I'm crying as I write this. Stupid I know. Both C and his daughter J, were really nice about things - they've even invited me to go and have a drink later which is nice. But oh heck, I just want to scream about things. Roll on the 2nd Jan when all the silliness will be over. Sorry about this folks, but didn't know who else to 'offload' on to.
Take care, love as always
Viv
Actually, I've nearly had two major meltdowns this week, thinking "I just can't cope with all this". So please don't think it's just you. It's a huge life change for you, and actally, I don't know that you ever really "get over it", just accept that it's become part of your life history.
Please go and have that drink, getting out of the door is always the worst bit. Let them share their hospitality with you. They may well want to talk about mum too, or they may just want to share in recognition of all you did for mum, even if they don't actually say it.
Accepting invitations like this is very difficult, but please try, even if you say "I can't stay long" when you go, as a sort of safety net. That's what I did when I was first widowed, a sort of "get out clause". The more you accept, the easier it becomes.
Try to do something nice for yourself this holiday.
Vivien wrote:
Sun Dec 24, 2017 11:52 am

I'm not a great lover of this time of year but I do the shopping, write the cards, put up the decos! Yep, I even sing along to the 'cheesy' songs.
Ditto Viv - I just keep telling myself that this time next week it will all be over and everything will be back to 'normal' !
we've got a couple of family 'problems' this year but trying to put a cheerful face on it for the sake of the little ones in the family. So, yes, I too, will be glad when it's done and dusted with.
Ditto! Having a one woman pity party here too but only allowed to be miserable in the virtual world. Roll on the 3rd!!!!
Thanks everyone - it's good to know that I'm not alone!

Take care

Viv
It's good to have neighbours who understand and reach out to you. One of the saving graces of rural Hampshire is how people treat you as a whole person not just a neighbour or a colleague or whatever else. And they are very forgiving of carers having regular public meltdowns.
Vivien wrote:
Sun Dec 24, 2017 11:52 am
Oh heck where do I start? Missing Mum more than I realise. Since she has moved in to the Care Home things have changed a lot. I've had to take over the financial side of things - not that it is a problem, but transferring and setting up new direct debits and all that is associated with it, is not for the faint hearted.
I'm not a great lover of this time of year but I do the shopping, write the cards, put up the decos! Yep, I even sing along to the 'cheesy' songs. Ages ago, Mum told me that I'm like my Dad. He would do the shopping etc. but as for getting involved with the festivities, he didn't want to know. I like having the time off, but usually I have been in jobs which involve working flat out up to Christmas Eve or else some bigwig decides to have a re-organisation just before Christmas. Thanks!
Anyway todays issue was with my being blocked in. Got very wound up, and decided to go out and see if I could do anything about it. The car belongs to a neighbours daughter who is visiting and when I saw her Dad, he was very sorry and so, in all fairness was his daughter. They were nice and kind and full of apologies. I just broke down and said, I couldn't cope with the stress of it. I'm crying as I write this. Stupid I know. Both C and his daughter J, were really nice about things - they've even invited me to go and have a drink later which is nice. But oh heck, I just want to scream about things. Roll on the 2nd Jan when all the silliness will be over. Sorry about this folks, but didn't know who else to 'offload' on to.
Take care, love as always
Viv
I do feel for you Viv - but, for whatever reason people celebrate this time of year - and there are many and varied reasons, not only religious - I think society in general needs just a few days 'get out' of routine -
it gives us all a bit of a breathing space and gears us up for the coming year. OK by now, there are only a few more days to go, the decorations can come down, the fridge cleared of what is not going to be used.. etc.

This is the THIRD christmas in a row that my partner has become ill. I was speaking to 111 at 1.30am on Christmas Night,/Boxing Day, and we decided he would be OK till morning, he was - but then by 2 AM this morning the out of hours doctor was here as we tried to make sense of the symptoms between us, as the poor ould fella doesn't understand anymore.

He has now developed another 'disease' this time it is his prostate - the doc put a catheter in to relieve the symptoms ( not being able to wee) and on we wander into 2018 to see what the investigations reveal.

Complex medical issues, and dementia make strange bed fellows. He shouted out a lot when the catheter was inserted - I was pleased our neighbour is deaf or she might have thought all sorts of bedroom activities were taking place ( sadly no longer! )

BUT I shall still put up my decorations as the child in me comes to the fore, on my birthday, 9th December, this next year. I will have optimism in my heart, but if the Poor Ould Fella ruins a FOURTH Christmas I will be giving him a jolly good slap - he thinks he is safe because he is 6'2" to my 5' - but I will get him !!!

BAH HUMBUG AND A HAPPY 2018 TO ALL OF US, EVERYWHERE, WHOEVER YOU ARE !!