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Loss of a caree partner - Page 46 - Carers UK Forum

Loss of a caree partner

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
627 posts
Steel myself not to get upset when visiting Ian's mum in Shrewsbury hosp. That's where we were last October for that week, stopping 24 hours with Mark, the week 'before'. Just walking to the wards and in the lift, caught me a little.
Dear Bugbear, don't let it get you down. It's natural to be caught out (if you want to put it like that).
If we didn't love em so much it wouldn't hurt so much and we woiuldn't be normal if we didn't grieve, eh?
hello dear nana, bump! thanks so much for understanding ,
(((warm hugs in return)))
thanks so very much for good advice bowlingbun
i will print it off...i will remember to be positive,
(((hugs)))minnie..
dear lazydaisy,
the little stan laurel story was very poignant
yet so positive,
thanks for sharing
and thanks for remembering mr bb loved dandelions,
i'll try and make sure they always give me happy memories of mr bb,
you lovely people have really lifted me..
love and hugs
big bear x
Hi everyone, just about feeling strong enough to start posting again,
But does anyone else feel like this? I feel like 2 people, the person on the outside who is trying to make her new life, and begin her new routine, doing new things, but always as a single person, as an "I" not a "we" and the person on the inside that not many others see, the person who is falling to pieces, always scared, and never knows what to do.

Is this just me?
Love Phoebe xx
Phoebe just had a bad two or three weeks my-self ... grief depression just hit me that my Lyn is nor here .... its good to have good friends around and a wonderful GP ... feel better today but know it will be a long road that I must travel along ...

Stay strong ... every body is different ... we deal with things in our own way but the out-come is the same ... I am always here for you as are others ... take care very much in my thoughts xxx
Phoebe, that's a good description. In time, the new layer will thicken and the scared bit inside will shrink, but it will take time. You can't hurry this process, it's a bit like a healing wound, it happens in it's own time. For the time being, learn to live with the feeling, if you work out when you are most anxious, you can then work out how to deal with it. In my case, I was most anxious about the car breaking down. My OH was my "rock" who never let me down and could fix anything, a mechanic/fitter who used to mend the largest trucks and plant in the world, which made me very lazy, to the extent that I had one car for eight years and never learned how to lift the bonnet!!! In the end, I dealt with this by thinking of a male friend of ours, the most inept person imaginable about practical things. I reasoned that if he could have a car and manage, then so could I. And anyway, I was in Green Flag. All this sounds pathetic, but it was a big thing for me. I now have a new set of people I can rely on, a carpenter, plumber, and electrician etc. so no need to worry about the house. For sudden emergencies I have a breakdown policy via the HSBC which is very reasonable.
phoebe, you described exactly how i feel!
no, you're not the only one that feels that way...
(((hugs)))) all round!

love and hugs to all of you!
big bear x Image
Thank you, all of you, what would I do without you all? Up till now, the pain went too deep to be let out, and I was just numb. Now I can't stop crying.
phoebe, you described exactly how i feel!
no, you're not the only one that feels that way...
_it's like people ask how you are, and you have to say "ok", what else can you say? When inside, i am saying, "actually, I am very much not ok, but there's nothing i can do about it"
Phoebe, that's a good description. In time, the new layer will thicken and the scared bit inside will shrink, but it will take time. You can't hurry this process, it's a bit like a healing wound, it happens in it's own time. For the time being, learn to live with the feeling, if you work out when you are most anxious, you can then work out how to deal with it.
yes, I've just got to work out what makes me anxious. If I can slow myself down when I feel anxious, it helps. I feel very needy and clingy. I get anxious if people get too close, in case I lose them, I have lost so many people in the last few years. i also get anxious if i haven't heard from those who are nearest to me. My son, my daughter, and my stepson, two of them even live with me, so I see them every day, but I get anxious till they answer a text, or something, even something as simple as a text about the washing or shopping. it's so ridiculous that i don't tell them how I am feeling. It is all so contradictory, that i don't know what's real and what isn't sometimes.
Phoebe just had a bad two or three weeks my-self ... grief depression just hit me that my Lyn is nor here .... its good to have good friends around and a wonderful GP ... feel better today but know it will be a long road that I must travel along ...

Stay strong ... every body is different ... we deal with things in our own way but the out-come is the same ... I am always here for you as are others ... take care very much in my thoughts xxx
Delboy- it's so hard, isn't it? Everytime i turn around and he's not there, it hits me again and again. Sometimes i dream that they made a mistake, that he's here with me, he didn't get cancer and the docs got it all wrong. In one dream, we were just about to go out with a friend to let them know the good news and celebrate. Then I woke up, and it hit me all over again. I had to go into work that morning, but I was a total mess. The girls were all lovely to me though and looked after me.

Still,what can we do? just got to muddle through as best we can.
at least we all have each other here.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))00 to you all, we'll all stick together and get through somehow.
lots of love,
Phoebe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Phoebe,
I can relate to this , feel exactly the same.

Phoebe wrote,
(I get anxious if people get too close, in case I lose them, I have lost so many people in the last few years.)

Just wanted to send ((((((((((hugs)))))))

Minnie x
I just wanted to send all of you some hugs, be kind to yourselves xx
minnie, and bluebird, thank you (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))0 back.
Some days i wake up strong, some days i wake up feeling flakey.
No telling.
Thank you to all you strong and brave people who keep me going.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx
627 posts