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It's now 1 week - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

It's now 1 week

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
108 posts
Thank you all again for your support, this morning not good, having done all the things that needed doing, time is now hanging on my hands, and I have more time to think.

I'm trying to keep busy, but I keep going over the weeks since Christmas when I still had Mam, in details of almost every day, those days are the freshest in my mind and I can't get past them yet to think of happy times. I don't want to be thinking the worst bit but I can't help it.
Four weeks ago today I was sitting beside her in hospital knowing I was going to lose her.
Dear Sue,
A few days after Rhys died, I started writing my feelings down. I am still doing it, but as letters to him now. If I see something he would have liked, I tell him so, ánd ask if he was with me. Silly things to others may be, but certainly helps me. I write when I am alone for a few minutes, and it is my time to be Rhys's Mum.
Nothing in my writing would be of interest to anyone else, it is something that is just for me. Even my husband and other two children do not see the book.
It may help you to put down your thoughts about four weeks ago, or the time after Christmas, even Christmas time.
Love from jane x
Hello Jane,
Thank you for that I'm sitting here still crying since I wrote, thank you for being here right this minute
I like the idea of writing to Mam, I will do that, I feel selfish moaning about how I feel when you've lost your son, thank you for taking the time for me
Please don't feel selfish. I miss my Mum too, (although after Rhys died, it helped me to know that in any sort of afterlife, Mum would be there for him)
It is 15 years in May, since my Mum died.
Jane x
It takes a while Sue to get past remembering the end bit before remembering the happy times that went before, but you will get there and the memories will again make you smile.
You're all helping so much, thank you for your replies.

I'm up early these days, not helped by difficulties with my osa/cpap treatment, been up since 5.15am this morning, early starts long days. Trying to get to grips with boring housework and ironing today.

The council are stll working in Mam's house, I think before they move anyone else in they're taking the opportunity to do the improvements that we're all going to have in the next year or so .. right now all the interior doors and kitchen fittings are outside the front of the house waiting to be taken away, the house is getting ripped apart, am trying not to look.

Jane, I've started doing what you suggested about writing to Mam in a book. The many hours we spent together every day were filled with chatter, never lost for words, and I'm finding it a big help to 'talk' to her as we would have done .. I feel connected in a way, not so cut adrift. I wouldn't have thought of doing it, thank you.

Thank you for listening,
Sue xx
Glad that it is helping you, Sue. Image
I don't write a book, but I still talk to my Mum and when something she would find amusing happens I can hear her giggling. She died in 1969.
Mums are never lost.................mine still mumbles to me if I don`t tidy the kitchen sink quick enough after a meal, and I can never leave a mug in the sink at bedtime. Did it once after mum died.......the rebellious daughter coming out in me........and was up at 3am putting it in the dishwasher as I could hear her nagging me in my sleep!

Glad you are still posting. It must be awful seeing mum`s former home being ripped apart, but hope you have nice new neighbours in time.

Take care
Hello, Choosysue..my parents passed away in 1984 within 3 months of each other. They had bought a bungalow 4 doors from mine, and the pain (and anger actually) I felt each day walking past was undescribable. For you, seeing mum's house being knocked about, well, I can only imagine.

Thinking of you, sincerely,

mrsblint (((hugs)))
108 posts