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It's now 1 week - Page 4 - Carers UK Forum

It's now 1 week

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
108 posts
Hello Rosemary and Chris,

Thank you so much for still thinking of me, I don't know where the last week or so has gone.
Still trying to fit Mam's treasures into our home, it's very strange, our place is looking a bit like her place and I'm not sure that that's helping or not.

I think the numbness is wearing off because I'm getting upset over the smallest things right now .. when I was out in the village grocery shopping, I always had one eye out for treats that might tempt Mam's appetite .. today what got me was a bag of little bread buns she used to like, thick with Lurpack on, that's made me smile actually writing that, she liked to see 'teethmarks' in the butter. Also liked it on fruit malt loaf.
I made a roast dinner for the first time the other night, I always took a plate over for Mam, and had put off making because I didn't want to just do two plates. I got over that 'first' by asking my neice and her o.h. to join us, so I did four plates.

Yesterday though, I collected Mam's ashes, was absolutely dreadful, but I'd bought a pretty vase with lid on called 'Little Sweetheart' that Mam has a big collection of, now mine, and now she's home with me. Does that sound strange?
I didn't know what I was going to do with them when the undertaker asked if we wanted her ashes, but when he said if we didn't say yes to having them we might regret it later, I just said yes and didn't think ahead.
The Sister of the District Nurses who were calling to do Mam's dressings had rung me to ask how I was doing and she said that she'd brought her Mam home in this way, and it helped her.

Mam's house now back to Council, bare empty windows over the road, workmen coming in and out, it's hard to bear.
Thanks for coming on to speak to us. I've been checking daily to see if you were on here and I feel better knowing that you are okay-ish. This must be another difficult bit for you, time is moving on, and you've been so busy clearing out etc, you probably haven't had time to even think yet. Now, of course, its all those little things, as you say, the looking around for treats, its been such a habit, that it is difficult to let go.

I think its a very personal decision about the ashes, and the Little Sweetheart vase sounds so fitting. A lot of people do take great comfort from that. How nice of the district nurses to check on you too - that's a lovely thoughtful gesture.

I hope you will keep posting on here - you see, we haven't forgotten you and what you are going through and I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to know that you are coping, so whenever you feel up to it, have a chat with us.

Take care of yourself

Hi Sue,

Chris has said it all,so well too. You know where we are if needed.

x x x
Hi, Sue. I think you have made the right choice to bring Mum home to be with you.

I lost both my parents within 3 months of each other, unbearable.

I know how you feel totally, and my thoughts are with you. Take great care,

sincerely, mrsblint (((hugs)))
Hi Sue,
so glad you have posted. I think you made the right choice too. We brought my Mum's ashes home and when we all felt ready, she joined her parents, then later, again when we were all ready, my father joined her.
Do what you feel is right and it will be.
At the funeral of a dearly loved friend of ours whom we lost really early due to cancer, the humanist woman, conducting the service said to all the congregation that 'we grieve, because we love'.
We cannot grieve constantly, because WE have to continue LIVING.
But every so often as time goes by and we continue living, a little time to grieve again is another little part of remembering and loving.

And we shouldn't be ashamed of that every so often, when it all comes back and makes us cry.

Take care lovey, hugs to you.
That is so lovely I was almost in tears. How very true.

Beautiful words, frandrake, and so true.
You're all so kind, I can't tell you how that makes me feel.

It's almost four weeks now, I can't believe it, it seems like forever since I saw her, and even longer ago when she was getting over the fall she had, and then regaining her confidence, doing things again, me praising her for her accomplishments, small though she said they were.

We'd been up to Seahouses in Northumberland for a few days for her birthday in September, just us girls, and we were lucky with the weather, the place we stayed was lovely, and she really enjoyed it, so did I.

Your messages are a comfort to me, thank you all,

Sue. x
Hi Sue,
When my son died last summer, we brought his ashes home too. It is a comfort, as it is all that remains of him physically now.We haven't decided yet, what to do in the future with them, but we will get there.

Your words were lovely Fran.

Sending you (((((hugs))))).
Love from Jane x
108 posts