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I feel lost now - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

I feel lost now

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Hi David
Please accept my condolences, sorry I have not contributed before on your thread but I have read how much care you have provided and understand your situation having gone through similar myself last year.

Please do keep visiting the forum, we are here for former carers as well and there is much advice on here over dealing with all the practicalities that must be gone through.
I'm glad her passing was peaceful - it is what we want for all those we love, and indeed, for ourselves, when our time comes....

I am glad that her last months were spent 'comfortably' in the care home, which also mean that YOU were both easier in your mind about her, and that the 'care burden' had been lifted, so that you could ENJOY your time with her...these have been 'sunset months' for you both.

You have done SO much for her, and I'm sure she knew what a loving, loyal son you have always been for her.

Yes, her passing is desperately sad, in that she has now 'gone beyond', but you know, David, we NEVER lose those we love - not really, you know. They go on in our hearts for ever....

I hope that dreams may comfort you, as the time passes now. They do me - and what is so wonderful, whenever I dream of my parents (both of whom died many decades ago now), they are just 'there' again in my head, as real as ever they were! There is no grief, no sense of loss - they're just 'Mum and Dad again'......

And remember, too, that in every drop of blood in your body, your mum is 'there' as well. She gave you life, and you saw her faithfully to the end of hers.....she passed away knowing YOU were well, and that, too, is a precious gift, for it is not given to all parents (My poor MIL had to watch her son, my husband, die in his prime, while her life was left to her.....)

Mourn your mother, and honour her. Your grief is testimony both to your love for her, AND her love for you, for you would not mourn her had she not taught you, by her love for you, how to love her.....it takes a good parent to give the gift of the ability to love....

This will be a 'strange time' for you now, but it is one your mother would WANT you to traverse well, towards whatever is to come.

You will feel bereft - whatever age we are, to lose a parent is to be orphaned.

Take your time now, accept the stages of grief (which sometimes cycle, round and through us repeatedly), and know the comfort that her suffering and infirmity is over now. Her legacy to you is memory and love - and neither leave us, I promise you.

With kindest wishes, Jenny