Background:
When my father died 12 years ago I moved back in with my mother, I promised my Dad that I would
look after her.
She was fine for a few years, still driving and getting about on her own. Then she slowly started to
get 'old'.
Trouble walking, so used a scooter and just general wear and tear.
5 years ago she went blind in one eye overnight. Then just over 18 months ago she went blind in the
other eye, overnight again. They were both burst blood vessels.
She is diabetic and that is what they think caused them
She has had a mini-stroke and recovered.
Diabetic, arthritis, kidney failure (12% function), and lots of other little things that were being controlled.
Last Boxing Day she had to go to hospital for 10 days, violent chest infection and delirium, came home
and 2 days later started having carers twice a day (council supplied), this cut down to once a day, then
it ran out so I paid for a carer to wash and dress her every morning, 7 days a week.
A few weeks ago she started to say some odd things, including that she could see. The vision was
hallucinations caused by Charles Bonnet Syndrome.
Then she started a cough.
Over about 3 weeks she had a fall and spent overnight in hospital, had 2 violent panic attacks needing
paramedics, had 2 heart failure sessions and spent overnight in hospital twice. One of the nurses
recognised us we were there so often!
One Friday night it got so bad that I called the out of hours doctor, he arrived at 2am Saturday, and
was useless (they were last time too!)
4am I had to call an ambulance as she was trying to stand up and couldn't.
Spent 10 days in hospital, violent chest infection and delirious.
Came out just over 2 weeks ago, straight into a care home.
She is physically much better now, can't stand up without help, but when she is upright she can walk a
few steps using her frame.
I visit most days, unless someone else is going.
Every visit she asks me to kill her, or help her kill herself.
I have found a knife in the basket on her frame.
The staff there are all wonderful, every one is so nice when I talk to them, and when they talk to her.
She has only been there for just over 2 weeks so not settled in yet but I have told them everything she
says and does and they do keep an eye on her. They keep talking to her, and she has made a friend who
is also visually impaired and they talk to each other a lot.
Last night I told her that it was unlikely she could ever come home again, and she got upset. But I hope
she understands.
I am on my own, no family help (another very long story), working full time also. Had a month leave of
absence, and 6 weeks off with stress so far this year, plus many random days when she needed some help.
I feel so guilty about not being able to look after her at home any more, but she is in the right place for her
welfare, the decision wasn't mine or hers, it just had to be done.
I cry when I leave the home, and am now while I type this at work. I will blame hay fever for my eyes being red.
I am in my 50's, male, well over 6' tall and 20+ stone.
I just needed to get it all written down and off my chest.
I know some people have it worse, I am not complaining, just very tired, emotionally and physically.
When my father died 12 years ago I moved back in with my mother, I promised my Dad that I would
look after her.
She was fine for a few years, still driving and getting about on her own. Then she slowly started to
get 'old'.
Trouble walking, so used a scooter and just general wear and tear.
5 years ago she went blind in one eye overnight. Then just over 18 months ago she went blind in the
other eye, overnight again. They were both burst blood vessels.
She is diabetic and that is what they think caused them
She has had a mini-stroke and recovered.
Diabetic, arthritis, kidney failure (12% function), and lots of other little things that were being controlled.
Last Boxing Day she had to go to hospital for 10 days, violent chest infection and delirium, came home
and 2 days later started having carers twice a day (council supplied), this cut down to once a day, then
it ran out so I paid for a carer to wash and dress her every morning, 7 days a week.
A few weeks ago she started to say some odd things, including that she could see. The vision was
hallucinations caused by Charles Bonnet Syndrome.
Then she started a cough.
Over about 3 weeks she had a fall and spent overnight in hospital, had 2 violent panic attacks needing
paramedics, had 2 heart failure sessions and spent overnight in hospital twice. One of the nurses
recognised us we were there so often!
One Friday night it got so bad that I called the out of hours doctor, he arrived at 2am Saturday, and
was useless (they were last time too!)
4am I had to call an ambulance as she was trying to stand up and couldn't.
Spent 10 days in hospital, violent chest infection and delirious.
Came out just over 2 weeks ago, straight into a care home.
She is physically much better now, can't stand up without help, but when she is upright she can walk a
few steps using her frame.
I visit most days, unless someone else is going.
Every visit she asks me to kill her, or help her kill herself.
I have found a knife in the basket on her frame.
The staff there are all wonderful, every one is so nice when I talk to them, and when they talk to her.
She has only been there for just over 2 weeks so not settled in yet but I have told them everything she
says and does and they do keep an eye on her. They keep talking to her, and she has made a friend who
is also visually impaired and they talk to each other a lot.
Last night I told her that it was unlikely she could ever come home again, and she got upset. But I hope
she understands.
I am on my own, no family help (another very long story), working full time also. Had a month leave of
absence, and 6 weeks off with stress so far this year, plus many random days when she needed some help.
I feel so guilty about not being able to look after her at home any more, but she is in the right place for her
welfare, the decision wasn't mine or hers, it just had to be done.
I cry when I leave the home, and am now while I type this at work. I will blame hay fever for my eyes being red.
I am in my 50's, male, well over 6' tall and 20+ stone.
I just needed to get it all written down and off my chest.
I know some people have it worse, I am not complaining, just very tired, emotionally and physically.