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Carers UK Forum •I don't think I can cope without mum - Page 2
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Thanks for all of your

Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 8:34 pm
by RINTYG
Thanks for all of your lovely replies. It is nice to know that there are people out there who don't even know me but are thinking about me. It was reassuring to learn that a lot of you have been through the same as me, and survived.

I have still got my pets to keep me going and at least they give me a reason to get up. My mum has got a sister and apparently my mum told her what she wanted to happen when she died so hopefully my sisters will take heed of it and won't kick me out of the house. The thing that has always worried me more than anything else is being homeless and losing my pets. If I lost my pets as well as my mum, life wouldn't be worth living.

The funeral is next Wednesday and then I suppose everybody will disappear off to get on with their own lives but I will try my best to carry on and take one day at a time.

Thanks for being so kind to me.

Whatever happens Rintyg you know

Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:36 pm
by rosemary
Whatever happens Rintyg you know where we are.Nearly always someone around to listen.

Although it wont feel like it just now, I am sure in time your experiences when looking after your mam will benefit other members here.

Keep posting when you feel up to it to let us know how you are.

Rosemary
x x x x


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I am having a really

Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 9:02 am
by RINTYG
I am having a really bad day today. I can't eat or drink and I am just realising that everybody around me seems to be married or has children. I seem to be the only person who is on my own. What am I going to do? People won't want me interfering in their lives all the time will they? Once the funeral is over, everybody will go back to their normal lives and forget about me. I am starting to panic. All the time I am watching TV I am thinking "I bet they have got a family waiting at home" I know it is pathetic but I can't think of one person in the whole world who is in the same situation as me.

Dear Ringty Hope you are feeling

Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:10 pm
by Cheryl Carers UK
Dear Ringty

Hope you are feeling a little better since your last post this morning.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's passing.I know it's never easy and it feels like there is a big void in your life but please believe that time is a great healer and your sister's are dealing with their loss in a completelty different way to you. As Rosemary said, everyone deals with grief in a different way but we are all human and we all hurt.. I've only just joined the forum today and I've been reading all the posts. Its nice to see that everyone has given you the kind of advice we would offer already. Its lovely to see how supportive you are to one another.

Reading about your housing concerns, there is an organisation called Shelter who have been extremely helpful to us in the past and they have legal advisers willing to offer you support and guidance (and its free).

See link: www.shelter.org.uk or contact them direct on 0808 800 4444

You must also (as Charles mentioned) try to seek further legal advice about probate and what your rights are.

If you would like to chat further with any of us here at Carers UK, then please call us on our adviceline 0808 808 7777.

Take care

Cheryl

My sister has offered to

Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 7:08 pm
by RINTYG
My sister has offered to take me to stay at her house for a few days after the funeral but I don't know what to do. It would mean putting the cats and dog in kennels and in one way I want to go because I am dreading being left on my own after the funeral but in another way I am not sure whether it is the right thing to do or not. What if it makes me feel even worse when I get back? I just don't know what to do so any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Ringty l went away

Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 8:11 pm
by Jean Bremner
Hi Ringty l went away to my brothers for 3wks after my mum passed away but l found it worse when l came back it was like starting all over again so when my dad passed away last year l stayed in the home that we had shared for the last 16yrs although l had my daughter with me she has multiple disabilities herself so she kept me busy if you are going to worry about the cats and dogs then l would stay put as you dont need the added stress but maybe its your sister,s way of saying she knows that it will be worse for you as you are the one who has been caring for your mum for so long and will be left with the constant memories not that its a bad thing its just in the beginning those memories bring tears but as time passes they will also bring laughter and happy thoughts l know it doesnt feel that like just now bit it will

hope you come to decision that will help you
take care
Jeanxx

Hi Rintyg, How are you today?? x

Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:13 pm
by rosemary
Hi Rintyg,

How are you today??

x x x x

I am feeling very down

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 8:43 am
by RINTYG
I am feeling very down today. It is a lovely sunny day and I feel all alone. I have tried to ask my sisters if they would mind me tagging along on some of their family trips but they were a bit vague and said I would have to do things for myself from now on. Everybody else who was in a car this morning seemed to have other people with them. I can't seem to eat or drink and I can't stop shaking. In my head everybody else has a partner/mother/father/children apart from me.

I know I am being pathetic but I am not a bad person. I just feel lonely and need to be needed or at least to be in somebody's thoughts. My sister said I should move to Sheffield because that is where my mum's sister lives. I don't think that that is the solution really. My aunt has her own grown up children, friends etc and I would just get on everybody's nerves intruding in their lives.

This site is invaluable and I don't know what I would have done without all the advice I have been given. I hope people don't just think I am being miserable - I am just feeling isolated and a bit bewildered.

Morning Rintyg, As much as we

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:32 am
by rosemary
Morning Rintyg,

As much as we can support you here,have you gave it any more thought about talking to someone on the phone,like the Samaritans or Cruse.It may help you more by talking on a one to one basis better.You can still lean on us when needed but that extra support may be of benefit to you.
Do you know what your plans are going to be about your job yet.I know too soon to go back as you have not had the service for mam but once you do go back you will have something to fill your time and some company.

You are not being pathetic and its understandable that you need to feel needed but I can assure you that you are in the thoughts of many.Just last night Jean mentioned you on another thread how she was thinking of you.

What sort of pets do you have,I know you mentioned having some.
Its not really relevant Rintyg so dont answer if you dont want to but I was wondering how old you are.Just to give us some idea of what we can suggest later to try fill your time.

Be strong
Rosemary
x x x


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Dear Rintyg Try not to think

Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:43 am
by philippa_150712
Dear Rintyg
Try not to think too much about the future at the moment. Just get through the days one at a time. You will always love and miss your mom but it gets easier when you get used to the person you have lost not being physically there. You will never really lose your mom. Her love for you is with you now and will always be there for you. Nothing can take that away. You must hold on to the fact that she would want you to go on and to be happy again one day. And who knows what the future may hold. When I lost my dad I thought my world had ended, when I lost part of my husband (his personality changed when he had a brain haemorrhage) and the possiblity of having children, I thought I would never ever be happy again. But I have been and you can be too. This is the worst bit for you. You don't have to make any life changing decisions you just have to hold on until you feel differently about things. Look after your pets, I find great comfort in mine. I also found counselling a great help. Even though I thought at the time what's the point of talking it won't change anything, it did help.
Just let time pass. Be gentle with yourself. (Remember that you are probably in shock at the moment).
You don't have to let your mom go. Take her love for you and your father's love for you into your heart and let it make you strong. And don't let your sisters push you into making decisions at the moment, this is not the time for big decisions. As others on this board have said get legal advice and support if you need to.
wishing you strength and courage
love Belle