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Hello to all former carers on this forum - Carers UK Forum

Hello to all former carers on this forum

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Hi, my name is Denise and I'm a former carer but I haven't posted on this forum for ages! I just want to say hello to all the other former carers who post in this part of the CarersUK forum and assure you that, nearly four years after my caring responsibilities ended, I am still coming to terms with many aspects of life as a former carer, and that I do understand the sort of feelings you might have about finding your place in the world after your caring role ends.

All the best

D
Thank you Dee,
Its good to know you are getting on with things in life, it shows what kind of person you
are when you can consider other former carers here. I am going through a really bad time
right now. Taking things a day at a time. Others will come along after me but from me,
Denise , BIG HUGS.
Minnie
Hi Dee

It is so good of you to remember us all on here. I had a bad year last year and early this year. My husband died in April 2011 from Cancer. That was bad enough but the way he chose to deal with his bad health was quite shocking but when I think about it I understand why he did all that. I still find it difficult to talk about but basically he had been carer to his mum and saw how hard it was and how he did not get support from his family and also he was watching me and knew that I was on my own looking after my dad. He chose to disappear and move into sheltered housing and then get treatment at a hospice until his death. He never told anyone his full name or who his next of kin(s) were. Then I lost 3 very long term friends over the rest of the year. In December 2011 my dad for whom I was the official carer was in hospital and I was getting the statements "if your father comes through this" and "we are not out of the woods yet". On Christmas day I was told that his chances were going down and that they were wanting my instructions if he should have a bad turn. I said he has been through so much I think he should be allowed to slip away. They then told me that this was his wish and that when he was told that the Dr would be speaking to me about his situation he told them not to say anything to upset me!! How could you ever hear that your loved one is going to die and not be upset? Anyway my dad died in January 2012. It was very peaceful, I was with him for the last 48 hours and I spent the nights sleeping in a chair with my head on his hospital bed. I am glad that I managed to be there for my dad - just wish my husband could have told me his situation and plans.
I just cant get myself to function properly. I have so many niggling illnesses and aches and pains. I am totally disorganised. I am going through my parents' house just now. My dad did not deal with my late mum's clothes at the time of her death so I have all that to do too. It is like she died all over again! Family members are in the huff with me cos my dad left everything to me but never once did anyone offer to look after my dad to give me even a days break. I am tired and fed up. I feel alone because although my dad was very ill he was quite a character and a joker.
It is so hard to restart our lives when we have been doing everything to suit others for many many years. I was my dad's carer for 18 years! I was also a single parent and had to balance the caring and the kids.
Thanks Dee for coming back to visit us. I know it will take time to get over bereavements.

Little Lamb
Hi Minnie and Little Lamb, thanks for responding to my earlier message. I have just come online again for a few minutes before going to bed, so this is just a brief message, but I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear the two of you have been going through a rough time recently and I hope things will start to look up for both of you before too long.

Lots of hugs and warm thoughts to you both.

xx

D