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More problems ahead - Carers UK Forum

More problems ahead

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
I thought it was time I posted an update.
Firstly I would like to thank those who replied, your kind words were most comforting.
Well I have stopped crying now although there times when it is difficult to control my emotions. I was always taught that if a man cried he was a wimp but I now see things differently, there is only so much anyone can take.
I am still missing Mum terribly, I have been feeling very depressed and lonely with only my elderly cat for company. Freinds and relatives don't call round or phone so often now, I guess they think I am getting over my loss. I am finding it difficult to adjust as I miss the regular routine of caring for Mum, at times I feel so lost. My doctor has signed me on the sick for a few weeks and wants to keep an eye on me as the stress is beginning to cause me a few problems.
Now things are about to get a whole lot worse. I live in a privately rented two bedroomed bungalow, Mum and I were joint tenants and each received housing benefit which covered the full rent. Now that Mum has gone the council will not pay me the full amount, I have to make up the difference out of my weekly benefit. They say that as I am on my own I must now look for a cheaper, one bedroomed, property. On top of that my Landlady has decided to put the rent up by 20% from January 1st. As well as grieving for the loss of my Mum who I cared for for so long, I now have the threat of homlessness hanging over my head. The added stress in unbearable. This is my home and was my Mum's home, the churchyard where she is burried is close by. I now dread the future even more, finding suitable accomodation is going to be nigh on impossible. Why is bureaucracy so unsympathetic and uncaring?
Coping with berievement can be very difficult. Losing a loved one is like suddenly going on a long journey leaving them behind, each day you get further and futher away from them knowing that you cannot go back, you will never see them again.

my heart goes out to you as i no when my mom goes i will be in the same boat, and its then that the worrying starts even more. i think when they are alive you try to ignore what you no is coming, but when they gone its the new problem. we get used to coming second and always being unselfish in our actions and then when its our time to grieve we get even more problems, if your like me i wonder what we have to look forward to in life. there is this big void now that you can,t fill and then as you say u may have to even move. i rented 1/2 my home to a friend so im not alone all the time but she has a b/f now so i guess she will move out one day. maybe there should be a house bought for carers to move into untill they feel strong enough to start again , wish i had enough rooms and money to do it i would start one myself, i hope everything turns out ok for you. xxmarie
p.s is it coucil place you have cause i didn,t think they could ask you to leave unless they find you somewhere to live. you still have rights if your name is on the book so don,t give up to quickly.[/b]
Hi AlexR,
Sending you big hugs at this awful time, you have plenty of friends on here who will help you or just listen to you when you need us.
Take care Bluebird x
Hi Alex,

Sorry to hear things are not going so well at the moment for you. You have enough to cope with grieving for your mum without the added hassle anytime never mind in the run up to Christmas.

As a tenant you have rights and the CAB should be your first port of call. Generally if housing benefit is paid in two halves on a shared tenancy when one of the tenants passes away the tenancy falls to the other party and the BA should pay the full rent on the property, unless the landlord has pitched the rent away beyond what would be considered a "Fair rent", as laid down by the Fair rents commission.

I was told after mum died that my OH and I would not inherit the tenancy when dad eventually passes away by right, and they would expect us to move to a smaller property (which they did not have any available). Because my OH then took ill we were moved into a ground floor flat and dad into sheltered housing, both council tenancies but on opposite sides of town. Having said that a homeless lady came back to the area after 15 years in the south to be given the tenancy (same HA my folks were with for 60years) for a three bedroomed house with large front and back gardens and a garage attached. She doesn`t drive and doesn`t have a car! How crazy is that??

Possession is nine tenths of the law and I am sure the landlord/lady would prefer to work with a previously known good tenant than take the risk of putting you out and getting folk in who would wreck the property.

Make sure you deal with any letters right away and tempting as it might be do not ignore them.

If there is no CAB near at hand a local lawyer who does legal aid should be able to help you.

Best of luck

Take care
So sorry Alex. A man who cries is not a wimp, but a real man with real feelings.
As Meg said, don't ignore letters, it can be amazing how helpful people can be when they know the circumstances and please go to CAB too.
Hey Alex,

You're certainly not a wimp if you cry.

So sorry to hear of all you're going through at the moment Image

are there local carers centres that might be able to help you?
hello alex

i am sorry too about this situation with your home, i think meg has the
right idea, please do not put off going along to see cab they are very helpful.
((((((hugs))))))) and remember we are thinking about you.