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Can't switch carer mode off - Carers UK Forum

Can't switch carer mode off

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
I stopped being a carer at the turn of the year. However, I still seem to act like one whenever I am out with anyone else. I have not tried to cut up anyone's dinner for them (yet!) but I have found myself telling people where to go, how to act and what to watch out for. How long is this likely to last? I really would prefer to treat people the way I'd like to be treated - as a responsible grownup!
Par for the course ... even years for some.

Old thread of mine ... I hope it assists :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... pect-31598


No two carers " Adjust " the same to that outside world out there ... some never do.

Some need company , others prefer to find a new way on their own.

At most times , fumbling in the dark ... until someone switches the light on.
I can't stop caring either. I certainly wasn't a carer at the start but I've just kept going ever since. I feel that I would rather help others in the same boat than return to the rat race which I always hated anyway.
If I'm at home and have walked the dogs and finished all my most urgent jobs I get itchy feet to be out doing something useful again.
I wish I could find a "me" thing but besides my dogs it's either work, coffee with fellow carers or project house ( a consequence of caring) So in a nut shell I am 10 months on but still totally in care mode because of where I was before.
As for the carer element , NEVER leaves you ... it's now a permanent part of the new you.

A sense of still belonging , and still concerned for your former ship mates.

Mostly explains why I returned to become active again through this forum ... the only place left in town.
Thank you both. I became a carer early on in retirement. That means that, of course, I never had any days off or carer's allowance, but I had already earned my full pension. However, I feel I have lost what should have been the best years of my retirement, both the years caring and dealing with the fallout afterwards - as well as, apparently, the ability to relate to other adults on a proper level!
What ifs ... the bane of our lives.

They are exactly that ... what ifs.

Yep , as I described , isolation for years then back out to the outside world.

The prisoner analogy ... no probation officier for us.

Either sink or swim ... it's down to you ... joining a local group with similar interests may help.

It did me , local Astronomy society ... after a decade of just me and my caree.

Helped me to mix with people again , got to know what this new outside world was like ( Even worse that I imagined !).

The very last thing you , or any other now former carer needs , is feeling sorry for one's self.

Takes time ... you've been away for a while ... hence the prisoner analogy.

If nothing else . go twirling for a while ... it's free at our age !

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Try having a holiday (see my post on Roll Call). It helps you focus on just you.
Well, I went out to dinner with friends last night and managed not to over-organise them (I hope). I've also had one short break, but it was hard to switch off from thinking how I would manage it with my caree, which I had got so used to doing. I hope the next one will be easier.

The explanation that care blurs the boundary between work and personal life is very helpful; I had not thought of it like that. Yes, volunteering in some way is definitely on the agenda for next year, as soon as I have caught up with all the personal medical etc appointments which I had to put on hold while I was caring. (Yes, I know all about taking care of myself in theory, but the practice wasn't quite like that!)
Breaking that now imaginary ( For some ) chain to one's caree is always troublesome.

Trouble is ... it never truly breaks ... it's now part of the new you.

How the new you carries it around is down solely to each former carer.

That chain ... made of steel ... or paper ?

Only YOU can decided which.