Former Carer

[JohnT]

Hello everyone some of you will remember me from when i used to frequent this forum in the past. Its with regret that i have to inform you all that my wife passed away on Sunday 1st May 2016. Sadly she was taken from us whilst in hospital after enduring an operation to remove her big toe. The operation itself went smoothly and with no complications but alas 3 days later she vomited due to the antibiotics and some of it went on to her lungs and her condition just deteriorated from then on in and sadly she lost the brave battle for life. So now i find myself at a loss as well as no longer a Carer. Ive enjoyed my time as a carer and it was very rewarding and Trish enjoyed my hard work in caring for her. Anyway i wont spin it out any longer except to say i have made some lovely friends on this forum some of you have added me at Facebook. I guess its time to say goodbye to this forum.

[bowlingbun]

Hi John, I'm very sorry to hear that you have lost Trish. As a widow myself, I know that the next year will bring many, many different challenges as you adjust to a very different life. There is a thread here for former carers, with a few ideas which might help, so don't feel you are no longer welcome here. Take care of yourself, many of us feel overwhelmingly tired for a while afterwards.

[susieq]

Hello John,

Pete passed on your news and we are all very sorry to hear of Trish's passing - so sad. As BowlingBun says there are a number of threads in the Former Carers section that you might find helpful, so when you're ready have a quiet browse through. For now though, you just need time to adjust to life without her; and remember you will always be welcome here.

[JohnT]

Thank you so much for your kind replies to my post. I will gladly take a look through the former carers thread i never thought of that. I have been keeping myself busy with housework etc. I went to Town yesterday to Argos on the bus as i needed a new printer the old one packed in and i will need one for jobs etc. The funeral is on Tuesday at the Hudds crem 1:15pm i am thinking of going to the chapel of rest on the day and pay my last respects before we set sail on what will be her last ride and our last ride together. Best make sure i have a clean hanky etc.

[sunnydisposition]

So sorry for you loss! Please remember all the knowledge,experience and skills you have gained. All of which you can give help to others. Sharing this will be invaluable! Any experience we gain as carers must be shared.

Best wishes for the future.

[JohnT]

So sorry for you loss! Please remember all the knowledge,experience and skills you have gained. All of which you can give help to others. Sharing this will be invaluable! Any experience we gain as carers must be shared.

Best wishes for the future.

Thank you thats kind of you. Yes id always share my experience if anyone asks me

[big bear]

dear john,
sincere condolences and so sad to here of your loss of your dear wife trish
i lost mr bigbear nearly 3 years ago
and have found the former carers site a gr8 help and support over the years
all i would suggest is that this terrible experience is different for everyone
love hugs and respect,
bigbear x

[JohnT]

Thank you Bigbear thats very nice of you. Im coping pretty well really ive got the ball rolling with benefits etc and the reality is starting to kick in now that i am in theory back in the market for job hunters. I never for one moment thought that i'd ever be redundant again Its worse for me at my age (55) cos the older you get the harder it is to find a job. Employers well most of em want someone a bit younger than me. Having been off the circuit for 9 long years as well doesnt help i suppose. Had i been say 65 theres no question id have thrown on early retirement. One piece of advice i can give all the carers out there now is that you are doing a sterling job and dont let anyone tell you any different. Keep going and make the most of the days of caring for your loved ones. Cherish each day make an effort to do fun things together get out as much as possible etc day trips parties pub meals etc etc. I wish i could turn the clock back and know then what i know now i would have made more of an effort than i already was to make Trish even happier than she was and sod the expense. I've got the hardest part to come yet and that is a trip back in to the market hall where we spent so many happy hours shopping together and dining at Lynn's cafe each and every Saturday morning. But for now that is too painful as not only are there the memories but also we were close to Lynn and her staff like one of the family so to speak.

[big bear]

dear john ,so sorry to hear the sad news of your lovely wife trish,
sending warm hugs as andwhen needed and sincere condolences,
love bigbear x

[bowlingbun]

John, it's a strange journey to a new life. Remember that there are no prizes for "getting over" recent events. They become a part of our life history, and slowly, very slowly, we learn to live again, a new life. We are not the people we once were, it takes time to adjust to the "new me".
Just try different experiences, if you enjoy them, do them again. If you no longer enjoy something you used to, that's OK. I am now able to go on holiday abroad, thanks to an inheritance from mum, however I don't enjoy being surrounded by people all the time, I need my "own space" at times.
I used to be an avid reader, but seldom had time to read in recent years. Now I love snuggling down and reading a book - and of course a good book will take you away to a different time and place.