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Feeling lost - Carers UK Forum

Feeling lost

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
My dear Mum passed away in the early hours of Saturday morning. It is a moment I have dreaded since being a child. She was 81 years of age exactly a week before, and she was a part of my life for almost 50 years. She was my Mum, my soulmate and my best friend. I received a call from the hospital at 2 am, and got there as quickly as I could, but missed her by 10 minutes.

I had been caring for her since February last year, and have been on a career break from work, so I can get some consolation from the fact that I was there for her when she needed me most.

The hospital had moved her to a private bay, and on the day before she died, I walked in and the nurses had put the radio on. I told them she liked classical music, so they put Classic FM on. My Mum was unconscious, but they said she might hear the soothing music. Whilst I was sitting there, talking to her and gently holding her hand, The Funeral March started playing on the radio. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but couldn’t turn it off. I managed to lower the volume, but could still hear it in the background. It was like some sick joke.

You just think this is never going to happen to you or your loved ones, and I just can’t imagine the rest of my life without her. I’m single and an only child, but do have my Dad, so I’m doing my best to support him through this awful time.

Thank you for listening x
I am so sorry to hear that. Please try to take comfort from knowing she loved you, and that you truly cared for her. Be gentle on yourself over the next few weeks and months and be aware that Dads needs may increase as he's probably been 'holding it together' for her and he may crumple more than you think

We are here for you
Take comfort from knowing that you did your very best for mum. Sadly, I've lost many loved ones, it's a difficult time. For the next two weeks, concentrate only what has to be done on that day. There will be a lot of paperwork, put it all in a file, in order of importance. Anything that can wait, should be left at the bottom of the pile. You may experience a sort of foggy brain, it's nature's way of helping you through, but it can be really annoying. So be kind to yourself in the weeks and months that follow, taking comfort from what you could do for mum, when she needed you most.
Thank you so much for kind replies and words of advice and comfort.