Ex Carer

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
Hi Bill,

my dad is going through a very similar situation to your own. After my mum died last year, he has been at a loose end. He still wakes up at the time he used to to give my mum her medication, even though he doesnt have to anymore (i guess old habits, die hard).

With regards to work, my dad had to give it up 12 years ago to look after my mum and myself and my sisters and is most definately not work shy. However he is still not ready to get back into work (despite the job centre pursuing the idea), he still attends the local carers drop in centre, whom have suggested maybe slowly getting back into work, by starting off doing something on a voluntary basis, which he is considering.

From my experience many people whom have never had caring responsibilities, do not seem to understand that you cant suddenly stop being a carer. Just because the person you were once caring for is no longer around, does not mean that you are not still a carer, there is a great need for such services (i.e. the jobcentre) to be educated on such situations.

Anyway i just wanted to let you know that you are not on your own, even though at times it may feel that way.

Take Care

vicky
x
Bill, we are a canny bunch really, arent we? Image Image
From my experience many people whom have never had caring responsibilities, do not seem to understand that you cant suddenly stop being a carer. Just because the person you were once caring for is no longer around, does not mean that you are not still a carer, there is a great need for such services (i.e. the jobcentre) to be educated on such situations.
Wise words Vicky.Also,welcome to the forum.Look forward to getting to know you.

x x x

.
Bill, we are a canny bunch really, arent we? Image Image
You certainly are Lynne and a bit daft with it too it seems. Image Image And no, you daft lot haven't put me off coming back Rosemary. Just the opposite in fact Image

Thanks for your comments Vicky X . I hope your Dad gets left alone long enough for him to recover properly. Give him all my best. I know that being harassed by the jobcentre is the last thing that your Dad will need right now.

You take care of yourself too Vicky. X

After 3:00 am here right now. Its really odd how a person can feel so tired, yet is still unable to sleep properly. Going to have a hot drink and try again.

Not looking forward to the jobcentre at 9:00.

Goodnight/morning all.

Bill.
Welcome to the forum, Bill and Vicky. Don't worry, Rosemary and Paula don't bite. Not unless you've got their biscuits, anyway!

One of the hardest things for people to understand is that caring for someone, especially those who are terminally ill, becomes the whole reason for your existence. Your whole day is planned around their needs and focused entirely on them.

Then suddenly they're gone.

We all need routines, but the routine has disappeared - because the reason for it has gone. This is extremely unsettling because you don't have anything to fall back on. Everything is new - and this, coupled with the grief you're going through, makes it even harder to cope.

I don't have any suggestions about the Jobcentre other than to ask them how they would feel in your situation. Maybe tell them what your day was like and what it's like now, and how hard it is to adjust. You could ask them about training to improve your skills and employability. Make the b***** work for their salary!

In the meantime, it might be as well to think about how to build a new routine that will help you to focus on what you want to do. It's as well to have a plan.
You will have had to sign a Jobseekers Agreement I believe as a condition of receiving JSA. This should be updated regularly and I can only suggest that you try to get an agreement for you to have training included in your Jobseekers Agreement, you could argue that it would enhance your employability. Skills training is very much part of the government's policy to get people into work, I would suggest that you check out the JobcentrePlus website and also the Learning and Skills website. I'm afraid I haven't got time to post the links at the moment, new laptop and I haven't added all my links from my PC, but they should come up if you Google them, I find it always pays to be well prepared when dealing with some people, you sometimes need a bargaining tool. Good luck,

Annie
I agree with Paula, Rosemary likes the choccy biccies... she dunks them in her brown ale Image
How do you get them in the bottle Image Image
thanks for your warm welcome, its nice to meet you (in a sense), its good to know that there are people like all of you out there, who understand each other or at least can empathise.
you daft lot
Your words cut so deep Bill Image Image Image Image Image Image Image
Image

Thanks for the advice and the smiles everyone.

Going to try to catch a bit of sleep.