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End of Dementia journey, start of? - Page 9 - Carers UK Forum

End of Dementia journey, start of?

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
138 posts
Well done both of you.


Feeling in a grey mood today. Had reason to phone hubby's works pension place. Less money because of tax change. That's not the reason I feel down, although no one wants to find out less money is coming in! ( Can still pay bills etc) It's going through paperwork and finding the order of service details. Tootal along coping with what gets thrown at me, then wham! Hits me, he's no longer here. Happens and will pass. Not that he is ever far from my mind.
Pet, after a while I started to put things like this that I wanted to keep, but look at only when I wanted to, in a box. Now they don't hurt me as much. Some things hurt me so much is was easier to bin them or give them away. It's a long journey.
I seem to be waking up with a headache just lately. Have a feeling I'm sleeping with clenched teeth? Hoping it will change, been having flashbacks. Grandaughter 2 is going to be home from Falmouth uni for a week. Will be seeing her with Grandaughter 1 this week. Having a nanny day as they all call it, so will be a nice focus. Be fun, and no doubt will be looking at baby stuff!
A Nanny day, sounds lovely.

I get those headaches too, from clenching my jaw/grinding my teeth in my sleep. I store tension in my jaw. After years of not visiting the dentist, when I went, he said my teeth were worn down from it. He made me a custom mouthguard - but I can't sleep in it, for some reason it feels like there is no where to put my tongue. I sometimes use off the shelf ones from Boots instead. I also do exercises, when it gets bad and massage my trigger points. It helps to be thinking about something calm and pleasant at bedtime/ doing mindfulness or similar.

Still find myself not quite believing all that's happened, and that I won't see Hubby again. Making decisions on my own for important issues makes me dithery. I get there but oh the anxious feelings to start with. Assuming all this is normal .
Pet, my husband died 20 months ago. (I still post here occasionally, because I had help from others while I was still looking after him.)

I think you are doing so well at making decisions and getting things started; I have only just managed to have the first job done on the house and there is so much more to do that got put off while OH was ill. I have not been able to face it.

Not believing it is really true is, I think, very common. For me, it took a long while to be certain he wasn't just in hospital and I did almost think the ambulance would bring him back one day soon. In this second year I do know this is real and will be my life from now on. I think that is why people warn us the second year of widowhood is a hard one, because that is when it really sinks in.

With every good wish.
Hi Pet,
Disbelief is part of the grieving process. I know because I googled stages of grief, when my Dad died. (Different I know, to loosing a husband/wife/partner.)

Grieving or not, big decisions taken alone are a challenge. Well, I think so anyway.


I've set up a little shrine to my late wife.
On her favourite chair I have put one of her dairies she used to write.
Her photo, coat and jumper she wore before she died. A book she wrote
and a wooden doll she was given when a little girl.
Oh, and not forgetting her make up bag.

It gives me some comfort but I do wonder if I am going
a little crackers?

Does anyone else do this kinda thing I wonder?
You are not going crackers!! Grieving in your way.
I use hubby's chair, as I don't like looking at it, thinking he should be there.
I haven't a shrine, but my eldest daughter has on her dressing table. The little ornamental robin he loved in the home, his wallet, and an ID card he had for work. Whatever gives comfort can only be good.
138 posts