End of Dementia journey, start of?

[bowlingbun]

Pet, you were fortunate to see your husband passing away gently, I'd keep that as your last memory.

I found my husband dead in bed, I wanted my final memory to be different. I'm glad I went to see him at the funeral directors, in peace, wearing his favourite travelling clothes.
I was dismayed to see that his "preparations" had included trimming his eyebrows?! No idea why, they were fine as they were.

It's OK for the family to see you cry, one day my eldest son and I just had a big hugging and crying session, something that never happened before or since. In the weeks that followed, we would ask each other "You OK?" and it was OK to say "No, I'm really struggling/having a bad day".

I accepted any invite to events, but always said to whoever had invited me, not to worry if I just sat in a corner and didn't say much, or disappeared without saying anything. This really worked for me.

[Pet66]

Had a doing less day yesterday. Just as well because I am sure I had that brain fog that BB has often speaks of, thankfully because I started to get anxious about my own mental state! Couldn't remember the names of places, all sorts. Overwhelming weariness.
Thank goodness for the forum, as it helps to see that these sort of experiences are not uncommon or unatural.

[bowlingbun]

Pet, I had to write everything down in a notebook for months after my husband died.

[Melly1]

Hi Pet,
I agree with BB, it's ok to cry and share grief with family, just as its good to share memories and laugh with them too. It's healthy for children to know that it is ok to cry and acknowledge and release sad feelings, much better than holding back and keeping them in. If you are feeling foggy, it's just your mind's way of switching off for a bit - go with it, don't try and fight it. Just take each day as it comes.

(((hugs)))

Melly1

[Pet66]

Today I had the funeral service emailed to me. Had to ammend a few bits. Not the ministers fault, as I think DDs and myself rambled on a bit when she visited. Usually I'm OK with attachments on the computer. Today it nearly went out of the window! Managed it in the end, but my patience is low.
Getting things sorted. Annoyed with the insurance company. Only because they are taking an age to send me the claim form. No surprise there.
Sometimes I thing its all a bad dream, then reality kicks in. Writing this has made my heart palpitate, as 2days time I will be on my way to his funeral. Keep telling myself he would be proud of the way I have sorted, so far.

[Melly1]

Pet,
Just sending you another bucketful of cyber support.

Hubby would indeed be proud of all things you have learnt to take on yourself.

Melly1

[Pet66]

Strange sort of day. Dread tomorrow but want it over with too. Really will be the end of dementia journey and start of?
Will let you know when I do!

[Melly1]

Sending (((hugs)))) and cyber support for tomorrow.

Melly1
X

Have PM'd you too.

[bowlingbun]

Pet, my thoughts will be with you tomorrow.
I told the funeral director to be sure to tell me what I was supposed to do a great help.
Your family will be there for you.
This time tomorrow it will be over.

[Pet66]

The service was just as I hoped. I held it together, stood proud, even though my legs were shaking. Heard the giggles at the humour I put in and heard the tears too. The get together afterwards went well. Some silly remarks from Hubby's estranged sister, but I just said its not the road we should go down.
Everyone said what a lovely service.
Very very proud of my family. Hubby would be too. So from my start of the journey, joining the forum in March 2016 to today has been a long one, and with the help of my forum friends I've coped.