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End of Dementia journey, start of? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

End of Dementia journey, start of?

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
169 posts
It wasn't difficult to put ' End of dementia journey' because it is, as far as Hubby's fight, and our family and myself fighting his corner when he couldn't. The hard bit is ' start of?' The focus will be different.
I have some happy news, known since Mothers day, that I am going to be a great grandmother. ( G nanny I think I will be!) We told hubby, not sure if he took it in, but it sparked one sided conversation of how we looked after our first grandchild, for 2 days a week when DD went back to work.He had such happy times with her. One of the comforts I feel, he has gone to a happy place, and moved over to make room for this new life, who is causing great excitement in the family.
My feelings today.... Sad, numb, relief, anger at the nursing home. Sad for DDs who have had the task of telling the children. DD 2 has told them they can ask anything they want, doesn't matter if it causes her tears. I feel proud of her Mothering skills.
Today is a day of contemplation I think.
I am so sorry for your loss xxx

You did so much for your husband and must be exhausted yourself. He is at peace now and I hope you can find some peace soon yourself.

Take good care of yourself, and try to get some rest now xx
Sorry to hear your news Pet, I'm always at a loss to know what to say in these situations but you're such a large part of this forum I can't just say nothing.

So, just wishing you everything you'd wish for yourself.

“You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived"
Your husband was a lucky man and you were/are a lucky lady. Sounds like your life is going to have a natural new focus which you are looking forward to.

I'd like to edit Ayjay's suggestion and say You can shed tears that he is gone AND you can smile because he has lived. I hope Ayjay doesn't mind.

You should be proud of DD2's mothering skills but also of your own.
Hi Pet,

Hope your doing OK. Still thinking of you. Still here for you when you need us. Bet the last two days have been hard.

With love,

I'm doing OK. BB advised I aim for one needed job each day..Good advice, as it helps with the over thinking and panic. Managed yesterday to get 3 things off the tick box.
Phone Court of Protection. Will have a final bill, eben though they haven't done anything this year!
Phoned the hospital to arrange for medical certificate. Hopefully will be ready for collection tomorrow. Today would be better!
Went to the nursing home with DD1 and SIL. He was off work yesterday, so was easier to empty Hubby's room with a car available. The nurses now know our utter contempt for them! Will tell you about it another time. I have decided to try and let the anger and bitterness go regarding them, and in time, make the complaint through the correct channels. Anger and bitterness eat away, and consume.
Seems the death certificate is the most important thing needed, in order to get order and closure. Have my moments of course, but yesterday, we went for a cuppa at the farm shop, and were laughing, at the things my SILs mother, and hubby may be saying to each other in that better place they have both gone to! They did get on, but with a slight irritation. Hubby's passing has stirred sad memories for both SILs.
Hi Pet, on behalf of Carers UK, I want to pass on my condolences. I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing you peace and comfort to you and your family.
Hi, nice to hear from you. Glad you are OK. Glad you managed to have a laugh.

Have you come across the Christina Rossetti poem, Remember, which includes the lines,

"Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad."?

I remember Paul's Mum's GP saying it would take 48 hours to write a death certificate. We decided if they couldn't be bothered to do it straight away then it couldn't be that important to get the death registered on time so we took ourselves off a couple of hours drive away for a well earned rest dog sitting at my parents house, which we had planned to be doing that week for some time. When my parents got back we sorted out the registration with no problem at all. Of course you can register over the phone these days which would have made it a bit easier.

There's no need to panic about getting things done now. It's not going to make any difference to anyone's quality of life and you know you can manage without DH because, sadly, you've had too for some years now.

Sorry to hear of all the other sad memories it's stirred up but by the sound of it good memories too.

I absolutely agree with you about letting the anger go. It won't do any good any more. I imagine the nurses put it down to your grief not their behaviour. I'm not sure what you will achieve by complaining in the future apart from stirring up bad memories but that's for you to decide.

Still thinking of you and wishing you well.
In addition to the condolences on this thread, there are more here for Pet: https://www.carersuk.org/forum/social-a ... -pet-37076
Hi Pet,
glad you are taking one day at a time and following BB's advice re one task a day. Good to hear you had a laugh at the café today.

I agree re the useless nurses at the home; put your feelings about them aside for now and at a later date put in the complaint.

Sending (((hugs)))

169 posts