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Carers UK Forum • Early days I suppose
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Early days I suppose

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 7:56 pm
by Violet
My precious husband died on 24 January - his funeral took place on 31 January. He had been ill for many years, beginning in 1999 with diagnosis leukaemia and over the years developing vascular dementia. I looked after him at home for many years until he needed care home where he lived for the last two years. I remained fully involved in his care and on good terms with the staff.

I think my feelings are confusing because of recent bereavement almost immediately followed by coronavirus pandemic, lockdown, etc.

I've notified Pensions Dept. but everywhere else is closed justnow besides which, I don't really feel like tackling paperwork.

Re: Early days I suppose

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 8:35 pm
by bowlingbun
Violet, I was widowed when I was 54, my husband died in his sleep from a heart attack at the age of 58. Don't worry about paperwork and long term plans too much right now. Put as much as you can in a lever arch file, in order of importance, and deal with ONE thing a day. It's amazing how the pile goes down.
There is an online forum for widows and widowers called "Way Up", it's very friendly, you will find a lot of support. They organise outings etc. which can be very comforting, knowing you are with others who understand.
If there's anything you would like to ask, feel free.

Re: Early days I suppose

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 9:44 am
by Anne001
Hi Violet,

So sorry to hear about your husband. Yes, early days indeed.

You have cared for him so long and your thoughts been occupied by him, wherever he was living, that it is natural to feel like this. Be kind to yourself. The cornonavirus makes things doubly hard.

The paperwork will wait, just tackle those bits that have a deadline and leave the rest until you feel more able to cope.

Your husband is at peace now. Now is the time to look after yourself. Grieving is a gradual process and everyone reacts slightly differently.

Perhaps sorting some photos will give you something to do now, and remember the good times of which I am sure there were many.

Thanking of you at this difficult time, Anne

Re: Early days I suppose

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 10:53 am
by Pet66
Hello Violet
So sorry to hear about your husband.
It's a very sad difficult time made worse by the coronavirus.
It may feel at the moment you will never get things in order. It does all come together, honestly.
11months now since I lost my hubby. I have actually ticked a few things off the list now. Miss him all of the time, that will never change, but I think of him at peace now. I'm sure eventually you will too, even if you don't feel you will.

Re: Early days I suppose

Posted: Sat Apr 18, 2020 2:46 pm
by Violet
Thank you so much for the kind replies and good advice - wonderful to hear from you - much appreciated.