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Distressed - Carers UK Forum


For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
please can someone help i have been a carer for 27 years for my best friend who has died on the 16th july i now since her death have become poorly find myself in hospital with pneumonia
i have a large adapted property that is housing association and i don't want to go back there by myself i keep having mental crying fits but no one really understands
my life is in turmoil i will have no money and find myself too ill to care at moment
the hospital keep wanting to discharge me but i cant cope at home when i feel this ill by the way ive just turned 50
Hi Deborah, I lost my husband 8 years ago, and I can really identify with ALL your comments. You are grieving. Lots of people don't understand what it is like to lose someone you have given your whole life to, there are no "quick fixes". I'm not surprised you have ended up in hospital either, when you care it's easy to ignore our own needs, and when it's all over the body just doesn't have enough strength left to fight infection. Did I cry almost constantly? Yes. Anything and everything, but this is completely normal. As someone who has now come out the other side, almost back to normal, I would say that it is important that you feel this anguish and let it out. There's probably a whole range of emotions which seem almost uncontrollable. Go home, feel the emotions, but at the same time start to build a new life for yourself. Every day starts with a clean sheet. Force yourself to eat reasonably, when you feel like it. I forgot to eat sometimes then woke starving at 3am. Carers UK have a brilliant helpline, they will help with money matters. I promise you that in time it will get better, but there are no quick fixes. I went to the local bookshop and bought several books about starting a new life, mainly aimed at new pensioners and divorced people. It was searching for what I was supposed to do for the future which I struggled with most. Take care. There are people here at all sorts of odd times of the day and night, especially on Roll Call.
Hello Deborah and welcome to the forum.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend and to hear you are so poorly now. I've no advice to offer other than to say do keep posting here; there will be others in a similar situation to you and I think most people can indentify with aspects of what you're going through so keep posting. xx