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Dead End - Carers UK Forum

Dead End

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
I don't know why I am doing this, desperation ,I think, because I am in bed, and have been
for the past five days, without seeing or hearing from a soul.
I have taken care of my mother, (very hard work ) for the last 12 years 24/7 without any
help from anyone .Eight months ago I flipped, and mother was put into a care home,
under the urgent care flag. I was put on the "vulnerable " list and there I stayed
It has taken eight months of paper work, meetings , and numerous Social workers to decide
that mother needs to be in full time residential care
Meanwhile, my health and life have been destroyed
I had to refuse two urgent operations, as there was no one to care for mother and
no one to take care of me post op.
I think that one part of my body that needed removing ,has decided it's waited long
enough .and is taking over .
Mother .on the other hand is thriving ,as usual. so. the dead end will be quite welcome.
My usual get up and go is totally depleted,
Don't suppose this will go anywhere .I have tried before to post ,but made a hash of it
Hi Jac
You managed to post fine this time. Sorry to hear how your own health has been suffering while you have been putting things on hold because of caring.
If you have treatment for yourself and find yourself unable to care while you are recovering then Social Services will have a duty to provide care for your mum. Has your mother been having Needs assessments and have you had a Carers Assessment? Most GP surgeries should recognise you as being a primary carer and advise you accordingly to ensure you look after your own health as well as possible. It sounds as though you have been slipping through the net in several places. I hope now your mother has a residential place that you are now able to prioritise your own health needs.
I second Henrietta. It's dreadful that you still had to look after your mum even though you needed hospital treatment yourself. The grim gtruth is, as I'm sure you've learnt in your own bitter experience, is that if the SS think you can cope, they will blithely let you. We HAV E to shout loudly and INSIST on them stepping in.

At least they have done so now, so that is the most important thing. After you've nearly been broken by the ghastly experience, now is the time to (slowly) recover your own health and sanity. It won't be swift - it took 12 years to get you where you are now, but I very much hope it won't take nearly as long to recover yourself.

You've got your life back, thankfully, and sometimes that can leave us 'flummoxed' if we've been used to doing nothing but caring. It wouldn't be surprising if depression lands on you as a kind of reaction - in a way, it's a form of PSTD.

I'm glad your mum is thriving in care, though, of course, it's bitterly ironic as well (presumably she would have thrived if she'd gone in earlier, and you hadn't been quite as 'broken' as you now are, but at least she's in, and that's the most important thing)

Go very easy on yourself -you've done a stirling job, and saved the state tens of thousands of pounds, and, hopefully, kept your mum happy and cherished. Now is the time, belatedly, to put YOU first.

Wishing you well, Jenny
Time to put yourself first. Let the home look after your mum while you look after you.