Cruse Bereavement

For anyone who is bereaved or no longer providing care.
bowlingbun wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 8:52 pm
Brian, maybe this isn't the right time for counselling?
I wasn't ready to talk for a long, long time after I was widowed, but still a carer for mum and son.
Perhaps my way of dealing with things might suit you?

Rule 1. Go out every day, even if it's for an hour. Do not allow yourself to be a recluse, but if going places where you are known and people want to talk about mum, go to the next town where no one knows you.
Rule 2. Accept any invitations, with the proviso that if you feel you can't cope, you will quietly disappear.
Rue 3. Eat. Eat junk, cold pasties, baked beans, rice pudding. At this stage don't worry what you eat, as long as you eat something, because if you don't, you will wake up hungry in the middle of the night when everything is at it's blackest. If you start to cook a meal and then go off it by the time it's ready, eat in a pub or garden centre where someone else has done all the work, you just have to sit down, order it, and eat it!
Rule 4. Allow yourself to cry at night when you are on your own. I actually found that if I cried and cried before I went to bed, I slept better as the crying exhausted me.
Rue 5. If you really can't sleep at all, get something from the doctor to help you relax a bit. Mine gave me Amitryptilene, one tablet knocked me out, half a tablet cut with a pill cutter meant at least I could rest in bed, even if I couldn't always sleep right through.
Rule 6. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks, good rules, but I can't take drugs. It's something I never do.
I didn't want to take any medication either.

After two whole months of not getting any proper sleep after I found my husband dead in bed, I realised that whilst I didn't want to take anything, my body was desperately in need of some "time off". It was fed up with me doing things like ironing or company accounts at 3am, when everything is blackest.
The medication I was given, Amitryptilene, was the lowest possible dose, and I just took half a pill. It meant that when I woke up in the middle of the night, I could go to the bathroom, and then go back to bed and rest, relaxed, and then drop off to sleep again, rather than do accounts!
Many people would have had alcohol to help them sleep, but I don't do that. Each to their own.
Hi Brian again.Have you ever heard of Benenden Health? My parents used to belong and I just joined this morning and haven't used them yet. For £10.25 a month there are a variety of benefits, including 24 hour mental health phone line to talk about various issues, including bereavement! After 6 months' membership some counseling services can be accessed.

Whilst I'm waiting for MIND to come through, I thought I'd give Benenden a try and thought of you...

https://www.benenden.co.uk/health/healt ... reavement/