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Carers UK Forum • Cruse Bereavement - Page 4
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Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Thu Oct 10, 2019 9:46 pm
by Dusty
Brian_19011 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:48 pm
Dusty wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:26 pm
Is there a hospice near you which offers bereavement support? I would say, though, my experience was that the group near me (actually run by the cancer support centre) recommended people wait to attend for about three months. Their thinking was that people would be more able to talk about their loss in a group at that point.
Thanks for the reply, but by that point I will probably be going round the bend. Just before Christmas too. Haven't got a clue how I will cope with that.
Yes, if your local hospice improves to be the same, that's a real problem. I can't see, on rereading the thread, if anyone mentioned https://www.mind.org.uk? I haven't had any contact with them, so I have no personal info about them.

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:30 am
by sunnydisposition
https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/bereavement/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-an ... reavement/

https://www.bereavementadvice.org/topic ... -contacts/

There will be loads of places and charities. Offering Christmas dinner if you feel you don't want to be on your own.

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 10:03 am
by Melly1
Brian,
when I lost my Dad, (I wasn't his carer. He died unexpectedly and tragically in a house fire,) I just went through the motions - eating, sleeping, going to work, following my routine.

I was lucky enough to have support after several months from Cruse - typing out how I was feeling really helped. You might find keeping a diary has a similar affect or writing your Mum a letter.

One day, I noticed the cloud of sadness I was under started to lift, it was gradual and little things gave me pleasure again.

You can't rush it, but it is important to look after yourself and yes you are right, your Mum would want you to.

Please make a point of having a drink in a cafe/ going for a walk / going to local shop / trying a coffee morning / having a pint in your local or whatever each day and at least passing the time of day with someone.

Do you have anyone you can reminisce with about your Mum? That really helps too.

Melly1

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:00 pm
by Brian_19011
sunnydisposition wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:30 am
https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/bereavement/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-an ... reavement/

https://www.bereavementadvice.org/topic ... -contacts/

There will be loads of places and charities. Offering Christmas dinner if you feel you don't want to be on your own.
Thanks, I didn't know about the Christmas thing, I thought it was for people living on the streets.

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:15 pm
by Brian_19011
Melly1 wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 10:03 am
Brian,
when I lost my Dad, (I wasn't his carer. He died unexpectedly and tragically in a house fire,) I just went through the motions - eating, sleeping, going to work, following my routine.

I was lucky enough to have support after several months from Cruse - typing out how I was feeling really helped. You might find keeping a diary has a similar affect or writing your Mum a letter.

One day, I noticed the cloud of sadness I was under started to lift, it was gradual and little things gave me pleasure again.

You can't rush it, but it is important to look after yourself and yes you are right, your Mum would want you to.

Please make a point of having a drink in a cafe/ going for a walk / going to local shop / trying a coffee morning / having a pint in your local or whatever each day and at least passing the time of day with someone.

Do you have anyone you can reminisce with about your Mum? That really helps too.

Melly1
Thanks. I've been waking up with very dark thoughts the last couple of days. Even had suicidal thoughts for a few minutes, but tried to snap myself out of it. My mum's birthday is a few days before mine and I'm going to still get her a 90th birthday card, as strange as that may seem. I've got no one who really cares that much about me who has time to go for a drink with me. The women my mother used to go on dial a ride with have been more concerned about me than some relatives. I got in touch with an old colleague and met last week, and that was a good little break. A couple of friends on Facebook have been writing which is good. I will meet up with a cousin soon who has lived a parallel life: he was his mum's carer for years too and he is now on his own since she died.

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:54 pm
by Pet66
Brian, your post sounds more positive. Dark thoughts are not uncommon. As long as they don't last. Buying your mum a card may be therapeutic . An elderly friend of mine used to put up the last Christmas card her dad sent to her every year. Gave her comfort. Yesterday I scribbled a note to my hubby. Very mixed emotions and not all sweetness either!!

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 4:20 pm
by Daffy192
At our GP surgery there are leaflets and things on the walls for a wide rage of support groups. Perhaps, you surgery might have something local for bereavement. A bereavement book might also be useful. I understand it feels bleak.
I'm sorry for you loss.

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 8:52 pm
by bowlingbun
Brian, maybe this isn't the right time for counselling?
I wasn't ready to talk for a long, long time after I was widowed, but still a carer for mum and son.
Perhaps my way of dealing with things might suit you?

Rule 1. Go out every day, even if it's for an hour. Do not allow yourself to be a recluse, but if going places where you are known and people want to talk about mum, go to the next town where no one knows you.
Rule 2. Accept any invitations, with the proviso that if you feel you can't cope, you will quietly disappear.
Rue 3. Eat. Eat junk, cold pasties, baked beans, rice pudding. At this stage don't worry what you eat, as long as you eat something, because if you don't, you will wake up hungry in the middle of the night when everything is at it's blackest. If you start to cook a meal and then go off it by the time it's ready, eat in a pub or garden centre where someone else has done all the work, you just have to sit down, order it, and eat it!
Rule 4. Allow yourself to cry at night when you are on your own. I actually found that if I cried and cried before I went to bed, I slept better as the crying exhausted me.
Rue 5. If you really can't sleep at all, get something from the doctor to help you relax a bit. Mine gave me Amitryptilene, one tablet knocked me out, half a tablet cut with a pill cutter meant at least I could rest in bed, even if I couldn't always sleep right through.
Rule 6. Be kind to yourself.

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:32 pm
by Brian_19011
Pet66 wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:54 pm
Brian, your post sounds more positive. Dark thoughts are not uncommon. As long as they don't last. Buying your mum a card may be therapeutic . An elderly friend of mine used to put up the last Christmas card her dad sent to her every year. Gave her comfort. Yesterday I scribbled a note to my hubby. Very mixed emotions and not all sweetness either!!
Thanks, I hope I can find the birthday card she sent me last year.

Re: Cruse Bereavement

Posted: Fri Oct 11, 2019 9:33 pm
by Brian_19011
Daffy192 wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 4:20 pm
At our GP surgery there are leaflets and things on the walls for a wide rage of support groups. Perhaps, you surgery might have something local for bereavement. A bereavement book might also be useful. I understand it feels bleak.
I'm sorry for you loss.
Thanks. I might try the doctor. I've just found out the funeral director has free counselling so might try that.