Cruse Bereavement

[Pet66]

Brian
My husband died in May. I can be set off by anything at times. Its good to cry. I know people advise to start a hobby etc, but just to let you know I couldn't get my head round such things for a long time. Hubby was in a nursing home. Its taken me 5years to take interest in reading again! Have been refurbishing my house. Dont despair things will happen in time that you will feel better about. Im not saying you shouldn't go for something you feel you can do just not to feel bad if you don't feel up to it yet. Do hope you can be in contact with Cruse soon.

[Melly1]

Brian,
I think Pet wanted to post you a link to her thread, so here it is https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... ?start=100

Melly1

[Brian_19011]

Brian
My husband died in May. I can be set off by anything at times. Its good to cry. I know people advise to start a hobby etc, but just to let you know I couldn't get my head round such things for a long time. Hubby was in a nursing home. Its taken me 5years to take interest in reading again! Have been refurbishing my house. Dont despair things will happen in time that you will feel better about. Im not saying you shouldn't go for something you feel you can do just not to feel bad if you don't feel up to it yet. Do hope you can be in contact with Cruse soon.

I can't even watch the TV shows I watched with my mum because it brings back too many memories. I only watch the news on TV or an occasional film. Even that's an effort and not particularly enjoyable, I only do it because it's preferable to the silence of an empty house. I used to spend hours and hours on the Internet sifting through the latest research on Pubmed for ways to help my mum's health. Not doing that has left another hole in my life. But I recently found out that one of my brother's friends has Parkinson's. So I spent an hour researching that. It gave me something to do I suppose, rather than the usual emptiness of my existence now.

[Brian_19011]

Brian,
I think Pet wanted to post you a link to her thread, so here it is https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... ?start=100

Melly1

Thanks, I'll have a look. I wonder if what I'm going through has a kind of PTSD component, as well as bereavement. I had very little sleep for six months and very high levels of stress, which affected my health and made me depressed already, without the grief on top. It's all made me a bit of a physical and mental wreck. However, I don't regret a second of looking after my mum and trying to help her. I would do it all over again. I just miss her so much.

[Dusty]

Brian it is actually a short time since your Mum died. It might feel like for ever to you, of course, but I mean not many weeks and you have already recognised the stress and lack of sleep that are still having an impact and the loss of the research focus. When a carer loses someone they do indeed lose that entire role as well as the person they are mourning.

I can say that it took me months before I could read a book or watch television. I had to start all over again pushing myself to cook for one and go out for a walk every day. Have you had any contact with your GP? (I'm sorry if you have tried but yours is not helpful.)

[Brian_19011]

Brian it is actually a short time since your Mum died. It might feel like for ever to you, of course, but I mean not many weeks and you have already recognised the stress and lack of sleep that are still having an impact and the loss of the research focus. When a carer loses someone they do indeed lose that entire role as well as the person they are mourning.

I can say that it took me months before I could read a book or watch television. I had to start all over again pushing myself to cook for one and go out for a walk every day. Have you had any contact with your GP? (I'm sorry if you have tried but yours is not helpful.)

Thanks for the reply. I need to register with another doctor because I don't like the way our GP 'treated' my mum. He never came out even though she was almost house bound. All he would do is get a mobile blood tester and then phone me to talk about the results and dosage. She really needed someone to physically check her over and talk to her, but he NEVER came out. I'll register with another one, but that could take a week to go through.

[Brian_19011]

Cruse got back to me today, but they don't have any groups in my area. They gave me a link to a private one that charges £50 an hour, but i just can't afford that, if I want to eat as well that is.

[Pet66]

Oh dear, thats not helpful at all. Am most surprised.
Is there a church or similar near you that has coffee mornings. You don't have to be religious. I've seen a couple near me, that say all are welcome. My friend is treasurer of one ( other side of town to me) and she explained that a new person is always welcomed. Most start because of some loneliness due to one thing or another. Just a thought.

[sunnydisposition]

How about the local Salvation Army.

https://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/

[Brian_19011]

Oh dear, thats not helpful at all. Am most surprised.
Is there a church or similar near you that has coffee mornings. You don't have to be religious. I've seen a couple near me, that say all are welcome. My friend is treasurer of one ( other side of town to me) and she explained that a new person is always welcomed. Most start because of some loneliness due to one thing or another. Just a thought.

Thanks, I will think about it, although I'm not really into organised religion. I do believe in an afterlife though.