Burn Out

[goody2 shoes]

Hi Minnie

It was good to hear that someone else feels the same. I used to get so short tempered through lack of sleep. Now I look back and realise she couldn't help it and that a lot of the time she was probably frightened as she didn't know what was going on. Hopefully one day there will be, if not a cure, but something that will make dementia not so horrid for those with it and those who care.

I guess we all get some days better than others. I agree you do feel bad when you have enjoyed a day out etc. I feel after ten months I should be doing something a hobby perhaps. But then the enthusiasm goes and the lack of energy kicks in for a few days.

I didn't realise until the other week that you could use the forum for this I thought it was only for carers. It's been good to hear other people are the same.

[susieq]

I didn't realise until the other week that you could use the forum for this I thought it was only for carers. It's been good to hear other people are the same.

Who better to pass on information, advice and experience that past Carers ???
Who better to provide support and help to those new to caring ???
Who better to confirm that we're not all going insane trying to hold everything together ???

and who better to help us through our darker moments than someone that has been there, done it and come out the other side in one piece.

[solange]

Hello again, Bless you but this is such a comfort to know that others are going through the same horrible storm of emotions and feelings of not being really here, lack of energy etc. as I am. I just wish us all a safe journey to a place where we can live and laugh again. I know it's there somewhere but the route is really foggy!
Minnie - the rellies (much as we love them) can be a pain, can't they? As i said I live with my sister and her daughter is getting married in December so the house is full of wedding plans. I need to finish decorating my room and move Mum's old room around so that it is ready for wedding guests plus somehow tidy myself up from the scruff mode of 15 years caring. I love my niece(and Godaughter) and I am being suitably upbeat before shutting myself away for a damn good cry. I reckon I can manage the wedding but the idea of the reception is scaring the hell out of me and I know they won't understand.
Rosemary - are you ok? You started this strand and thank for that. I do hope you are feeling less alone. There is an Ogden Nash poem which says that 'An old man knows when an old man dies'. I would change that to 'A Carer knows when a Carer cries'. Lots of Hugs, Solange

[goody2 shoes]

Has anyone become more aware of their mannerisms? I find that I'm so acutely aware of mine and how much like my Mother I am!!!! It can be a bit scary as you then panic and think will I end up with Alzheimer like her!!!!! How stupid can you be and so irrational are the thoughts that go through your mind!!!!!

[Minnie]

Solange- I hope we find a place to live and laugh again. at least the wedding will help
to distract you a bit. But I know what you mean , I have real lack of energy now, got so
lazy. every sec. was taken up with mum . now It's rally strange being able to eat when
I like for example. Myrtle advised me to talk to mum, I am doing this out loud , it is
really helping.
goody- Don't worry about mannerism's , I have been automatically copying mums traits and habits. I don't notice myself doing it, it's my subconscious , but it's comforting me and bringing me
closer to mum. Recently mum has started to come into my dreams , not all good dreams , but she
is there. It helps, it makes me think she is with me some way. Have any of you had this
with dreams?
Minnie

[goody2 shoes]

Hi Minnie

I have had dreams of Mum. As you say they are not always good. Sometimes I think they made a mistake and she didn't die and sometimes they are just memories of what has happened in the past. Some are just really weird and disjointed.

I can't see her as she was when she was younger and healthy it's always whilst she was ill. I guess that will improve with time. Sometimes I can only imagine her when she was rushed to hospital or in the chapel of rest I don't seem to be able to move on from this.

[Minnie]

hi,
I know what you mean, I only see mum ill too.
I cant seem to shake of the bad images either.
I still see mums bedroom full of paramedics , mum flat out across the bed. I cant even
talk about the hospital , it's so deep and painful. so I know exactly what you mean.
Everybody being jolly and normal around me does not help.
Their lives have not changed around me. not upside down like mine. sounds bitter .
The hardest thing for me when I am out , is I keep thinking
mum is here when I walk back in. one of the days a while back I came home and forgot
mum was gone, what does that say about my brain, if I can do that.
it's so hard when you are out , you just want to hide away and give up. don't you
Minnie

[solange]

Hi - Me too - constant dreams of Mum but silent and still ill. I try to remember all the good times - we were really good friends and did a lot together both happy and sad but it's fleeting and then I remember those last six years until the end. After Dad died I found it was about a year before I began to get the good memories back and talked to him a lot while Mum was dying but when she died he went again too. It was the three of us plus Aggie the cat (died just after Dad) for so long. My brother suggested I write their biography as, when we were composing the eulogy, I was telling all the family stories and they didn't know or remember them. Possibly a good idea - it's on that 'when I'm less tired' list. Take care of yourselves, solange

[goody2 shoes]

Hi Minnie & Solange,

I did start to write down my feelings just after Mum died as a bit of therapy but you have to be in the right frame of mind to do it! Some days you are just too tired to do anything and on those days I tend to go with it and sleep or read etc.
I have thought recently about writing about the things that had happened over the years but again this feeling of lethargy kicks in.

Have you ever felt spaced out when you are out and about? Like everything is going on around you but you are not part of it. I do try to go out most days even if it's just for a coffee. Funny I used to dream of being able to do that when I worked full time now the novelty is beginning to wear off same with being able to sit and read. Although I am an avid reader I must admit and since I treated myself to a kindle I have read all sorts that I probably wouldn't have done if I had to buy the paperback.

I've just had a survey through from HMS with regards to Mums care it just drags it all up again!!, we are just another statistic!!!!

[Minnie]

Hi,
Not to good tonight, Yes goody I have that spaced out feeling too. I am a
reader too. just started big fat gypsy wedding, daft but thought it would lighten
my mind . take something to lift this black cloud. sometimes I feel I am being
punished , left lonely, everybody just carries on, and I have to say oh I'm not to bad , o.k.
that's a joke. I keep yearning to talk to mum again, I say to myself am I afraid of death,
no, because I would see mum again. I'm like this lately because I have had to write the
inscription for mum and dads headstone. so I understand about it all coming back.
When I go into shops, I say mum was alive last time I was here , do you do this? or when
a t.v. program is on. the same thing. eg; we both settled down every week
to watch Downton Abbey, I could not even look at the new series. do you find this.
oh well I have gone on a bit, getting things out of my system.
Minnie