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Carers UK Forum • Anxiety since Mother died - Page 2
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Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 7:09 pm
by bowlingbun
Jacqueline,

You need to deal with this asap. It's outrageous that someone who has been a carer for a long time is treated like this. Presumably you were receiving Carers Allowance before mum died? You have a death certificate? You are still at the same address? Then to me it's blindingly obvious that you are who you say you are!

I think you should take this up with your MP, and explain how it's affecting you.

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 6:20 pm
by sunnydisposition
Jacqueline_180912 wrote:
Wed Jun 19, 2019 5:27 pm
Thank you so much for all your replies.

My son is staying here for a week which has made such a difference to how I feel. I do have some good friends around and a lovely tenant but concerned that being pretty much too afraid to leave the house most days is becoming the current norm.

I will contact mind and cruise. Wish I could get benefits but lack of photo i.d prevents this.

Have managed to borrow from a good friend. Roll on probate!
Take a photo of yourself and get a G.P. M.P or local police officer. To endorse by signing the back and if necessary a letter confirming their position.

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Tue Sep 24, 2019 9:05 pm
by Jacqueline_180912
I have recently got myself a new passport and have applied for universal credit.

I have a sick note from dr due to my anxiety so cant claim u c!

Luckily I have a friend who has been able to lend me money.

I miss my Mother so much. Been going through her things trying to tidy up and let go of stuff (my own things too) whilst still allowing myself to keep whatever I need to. I now have some beautiful scarves and many of her clothes. It is lovely to have things that were so personal to her and that are now so evocative of her.

I recently bought a soft toy and named it after her!

I have also been having weekly berevement councelling from a local charity. Its free!!! Run entirely on donations. How marvellous is that?
I hope my fearful state of mind will gradually fade. It is soooo mich more manageable these days.

Thank God for my two dogs who need their two walks a day.

Still have a love!y tenant so bills are all being paid. Life is manageable. Even enjoyable. Phew.

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Tue Sep 24, 2019 10:14 pm
by MrsAverage
Phew indeed Jacqueline, but do remember that bereavement isn't a straight and level road. It's more of a roller coaster with twists and turns and ups and downs.
was really pleased to hear how well you are doing and how much has been sorted, and thank you for updating us. We were quite worried about you

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Tue Sep 24, 2019 10:18 pm
by Pet66
So pleased to hear from you and that you feel more positive in many ways. It is roller coaster, and I am accepting that can have grey days then better days. Sounds lovely that you can wear the scarves. ( I love scarves myself)
Keep posting.

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2019 7:19 am
by bowlingbun
It's now 13 years since I lost my lovely husband, every so often I have a "down" day.
Now I can recognise them, and I acknowledge how I'm feeling, and why, I try to avoid doing anything other than absolutely essential things. It's OK to do nothing at all now and then, when you are in a reflective/missing you mood. I know I was lucky to love someone as I did.

Remember that you are missing mum because you had a good relationship with her, and were therefore lucky.
The memories of the last difficult months will gradually fade away, but that feeling of loving and being loved never fades.
Later, you will find that you don't need to hang on to so much that belonged to her. Bit by bit you can let go of more "stuff" when you realise that your mum lives on in your heart forever.

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Sun Dec 15, 2019 12:53 pm
by Jacqueline_180912
It has been nearly a year now (17 jan 2019) since Mother died and I am truely heart broken.

I still have councelling every week whi h is great.

I cry and cry most days and am currently unable to leave the house due to anxiety, which comes and goes.

Luckily I have two tennants who are genuine and kind people. Also my dogs give me unconditional love. Bless them. I love them so mich.

Berevement is so painful ...

I know many of you will have similar experiences. I am so thankful for my friends and for my Brother who rings me daily and for my son who is regularly in touch and who is happy in bis life.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:24 pm
by Pet66
Hello Jacqueline
Sorry to hear you are still so sad and struggling with the loss of your mother. Pleased you are having counselling.
I miss my hubby terribly. Been 7months now. I sort of counsel myself. He was so poorly, especially for the last month, & dementia was declining rapidly, tell myself he is at peace now,and although I would love to go back to our happy times, I wouldn't want him to be declining any more, his dignity all but gone. I know he wouldn't want me in terrible despair, so I try not to be. One of the things I said to him, just before he passed, was that I will always be grateful for his teachings to me about coping with life. He passed shortly afterwards, very peacefully, so I cant let him down.

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Mon Dec 16, 2019 12:01 pm
by Jacqueline_180912
Yes, Mother was ready to go but you how it is. Those little daily moments and jokes and someone to tell the small details of your life to.

I tell myself that the fear will grow less as the day goes on (it is much worse first thing) which helps. At least I can sleep at night.

7 months ... Early days. Hope you are being kind to yourself. I try to be!

Re: Anxiety since Mother died

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2020 3:48 pm
by Jacqueline_180912
Still unable to go out and about without some degree of fear but it is better than it was.

My two lovely tennants are a God send and have, so far, been able to pay their rent in these trying times.

Miss Mother but feel like I am slowly recovering. Still have councelling once a week which has really helped. Had 6 cbt sessions but didnt notice any real difference.

Dogs and small animals are a great comfort to me. Roll on being able to socialise again!