All on my own now

[Blossom24]

Hi Blossom,
Lots of great advice above.

Just (((hugs))) from me.

Would you consider getting a pet? Great company, therapeutic, could be a way to meet people, unconditional love and you'd no longer be going home to an empty house. Just a thought.

Melly1

Ha! Melly thank you. A pet's a great idea. I love dogs so yes I'll have a think about it.

[Blossom24]

I agree - it really does take time to 'adapt' to a new kind of life, which you are now facing. You do feel the loss of the old life, even with all the work and worry it entailed, and of course you are mourning your father, and, in a way, your mum as well -

Little by little, you will start to build a new-phase of your life. As others are saying, start slow and gentle.

When I was widowed, I opened a file call 'New Life I don't want but have to accept', and in it I put any ideas I had, or cuttings from newspapers and so on, for example, calls for volunteers, or even solo holidays and so on.

Although you don't know the area, and your time was focussed primarily on care for your parents, there is a 'community' out there, so make a few careful forays. Some will work out, some won't.

For example, you could pick one of the charity shops, and ask if they are looking for extra help (most are!). Working in the 'back room' can be the easiest start - not customer facing, but sorting clothes and donations. It's usually a 'friendly bunch'.

Take a look at choirs in your area perhaps, or what is going on at your library? There are all sorts of things going on 'under the bonnet' that we often don't see from the outside.

Even if you don't think you're a 'joiner', give it a go.

Also, of course, do see if there are any groups for the bereaved, which there usually are. My hospice charity had one, and there is often one via the doctor's surgery.

Each 'venture' can lead to something else. If you like the countryside, try the Ramblers, etc. Or voluntary work in gardens.

As I say, there's a sort of 'underground world' out there, and once you have started to explore it, and started to make contacts, one thing will lead to another.

Don't be disheartened if some things don't work out, others will. As I say, like it or not, we DO end up 'adapting' to this strange new life of ours now.....

Wow Jenny - thank you loads of ideas. The ramblers is a great one. I love the countryside and it would help with fitness too. I remember, with a smile, that I didn't even have the time to go to the toilet a couple of weeks ago. I am already enjoying the freedom to be honest. Also, dad clung to his life. I don't quite know how. He really was very poorly for quite a while.

[Blossom24]

PS - Just a though, even if you are not particularly religious, you could try out church/chapel! Whatever one's opinions, there is usually quite a lot of social activity associated with churches/chapels. Chapels are often VERY 'convivial' (as well as welcoming), and after all, as you are bereaved, they will understand your sense of loss.

You may need to 'pick and choose', as some can be very 'happy clappy' and that may not suit everyone. I have a relative who tried out several before she found that one that suited her best.

A local church is running an Alpha course in September. I have enquired and they have said that there's space and I can go along. I'm looking forward to that.

[Henrietta]

Blossom, looking forward to seeing photos if you decide to get a dog
So nice to read your posts about moving forward with positivity.

[Blossom24]

OHHH I don't know how to share pictures

[Blossom24]

I've worked it out - I'm already a Grandmother to this beauty

[Henrietta]

ooooh- I'm in love- she looks as gorgeous as my old girl.

[Rosemary_1706]

What a nice grandpuppy.

[Jacqueline_180912]

What a positive thread.

I love dogs. My two have been a Godsend. My Mother became extremely fond of them when we all moved in with her which was lovely.