I lost my mom on the 21st of July to a short unexpected chest illness.
She had a fall Monday night, went into hospital Tuesday morning, had a heart attack Tuesday night because of the strain her body was in from the pneumonia, died for 11 minutes and was pronounced brain dead. She continued to breath on her own for another day and night until she passed in her sleep Thursday morning.
I cared for my mom since age 10-12, I can't really remember. She had paranoid schizophrenia, then became physically disabled about 4/5 years ago. She was a constant strain to be around but still the most important person in my life. I love her more than anything but I'm dealing with the guilt of feeling I wasn't the best I could of been for her. Getting angry, being unreasonable, not listening all the time, pushing her worries aside because she worried so much about everything.
I cried a lot at the hospital but hardly anything at all since she passed. Occasional nights, mainly because I've bullied myself so much for not crying that I cry because I feel so bad.
I'm very confused, I feel I should be a mess but I feel okay most of the time, although I think about her more often than not now. All the time tbh... doing whatever I'm doing. We're currently sorting through her house, she has a lot of stuff... I feel bad charity shopping it, but we've taken the important stuff and feel if we have everything, we'll end up with a cluttered home ourselves and I already struggle with the amount of stuff I have myself.
Who do I contact for bereavement counselling (free)? Does anyone know?
She had a fall Monday night, went into hospital Tuesday morning, had a heart attack Tuesday night because of the strain her body was in from the pneumonia, died for 11 minutes and was pronounced brain dead. She continued to breath on her own for another day and night until she passed in her sleep Thursday morning.
I cared for my mom since age 10-12, I can't really remember. She had paranoid schizophrenia, then became physically disabled about 4/5 years ago. She was a constant strain to be around but still the most important person in my life. I love her more than anything but I'm dealing with the guilt of feeling I wasn't the best I could of been for her. Getting angry, being unreasonable, not listening all the time, pushing her worries aside because she worried so much about everything.
I cried a lot at the hospital but hardly anything at all since she passed. Occasional nights, mainly because I've bullied myself so much for not crying that I cry because I feel so bad.
I'm very confused, I feel I should be a mess but I feel okay most of the time, although I think about her more often than not now. All the time tbh... doing whatever I'm doing. We're currently sorting through her house, she has a lot of stuff... I feel bad charity shopping it, but we've taken the important stuff and feel if we have everything, we'll end up with a cluttered home ourselves and I already struggle with the amount of stuff I have myself.
Who do I contact for bereavement counselling (free)? Does anyone know?