So I guess I'm a former carer.

[Renate_1604]

I lost my mom on the 21st of July to a short unexpected chest illness.
She had a fall Monday night, went into hospital Tuesday morning, had a heart attack Tuesday night because of the strain her body was in from the pneumonia, died for 11 minutes and was pronounced brain dead. She continued to breath on her own for another day and night until she passed in her sleep Thursday morning.


I cared for my mom since age 10-12, I can't really remember. She had paranoid schizophrenia, then became physically disabled about 4/5 years ago. She was a constant strain to be around but still the most important person in my life. I love her more than anything but I'm dealing with the guilt of feeling I wasn't the best I could of been for her. Getting angry, being unreasonable, not listening all the time, pushing her worries aside because she worried so much about everything.

I cried a lot at the hospital but hardly anything at all since she passed. Occasional nights, mainly because I've bullied myself so much for not crying that I cry because I feel so bad.

I'm very confused, I feel I should be a mess but I feel okay most of the time, although I think about her more often than not now. All the time tbh... doing whatever I'm doing. We're currently sorting through her house, she has a lot of stuff... I feel bad charity shopping it, but we've taken the important stuff and feel if we have everything, we'll end up with a cluttered home ourselves and I already struggle with the amount of stuff I have myself.

Who do I contact for bereavement counselling (free)? Does anyone know?

[Elaine]

So sorry Renate. I am being told that my Mum hasn't got very long left and am wondering if she will make her 100th birthday in just three weeks.
I believe that a bereavement like yours, and mine to come, hands you a whole package of different emotions from anger to blame (yourself and anyone else), to guilt and just plain old sorrow. I think you just have to ride the waves, or try to, and be easy on yourself.
Do not fret about any impatience you felt towards your Mum or anything you feel you should have done. You are a human, not a perfect, being. As are we all and you cared for her very, very well.
Concentrate on the good memories.
All the best
Elaine

[bowlingbun]

Hi Renate, sorry to hear about your mum. Sadly, I've lost six close relatives, it's a difficult time. Once the formalities are over, take yourself off somewhere for a few days, with a notebook. I found a book called "Starting Again" by Sarah Litvinoff really helpful. Although primarily designed for divorcees, it helped me review my life and start a "new" life in a good direction. Sending stuff you don't need to a charity shop will mean it will do not one, but two good deeds. Someone will get something they need, and the charity will get money they need. It's a GOOD thing to do, albeit heart breaking to think mum will never need it again. Allow those thoughts in, they always made me cry, but crying let out all that emotion which builds up.

[Renate_1604]

A lot of her stuff is Avon, being an Avon rep it's just a lot of stock for me to use which is okay. I've just had my friend go through one bag of shampoo and shower gels so that's about half dozen gone to someone who needs it. (She doesn't earn much).

I've been out all day today, I closed moms bank account down and got the frames for her pictures for the funeral. We sat in the park whilst my godson played and then we went to another park and played and I felt like a kid again. I feel very free atm.

I'm sorry you're in that situation, but nearly being 100 is amazing! She must tell you her secret. I'm really tired now so I'm going to go to sleep. I'll look at your messages again tomorrow as I can't concentrate enough to give you a structured answer.