PIP and carers allowance

[Claire_2201]

Just after a bit of advice, my mum gets full PIP, and a close family member gets carers allowance. My family member- who claims the carers allowance has started to ‘guilt trip’ me about going to my mums and help keeping her house in order. I work 28 p/w but my travel time is almost 2 hrs a day there and back, I also have school pick ups to do as I have no child minders. My hubby works 40 hrs p/w, and is also disabled and requires some help. Am I right in thinking that the family member claiming carers allowance also has this responsibility? Am I also right in thinking that the PIP is paid so mum can pay someone to do what she’s unable to do?
Taking days off as annual leave isn’t an option as these are used for when kids are off school and taking unpaid leave to help with housework isn’t really an option either.
Tia x

[bowlingbun]

You cannot be working, looking after husband and kids and mum!!

What is going on?
Is the family member claiming CA doing her full 35 hours a week??
Is she working as well? Or is she claing Universal Credit?
Did you know that those in receipt of CA are not required to look for work?

When you visit mum, is she happy with what the relative is doing?
What is wrong with mum?
How old is she?

[Claire_2201]

Mum is early 60’s has some mobility, but is over weight, some breathing issues but doesn’t require oxygen. She walks (not much) with a wheeled frame and uses a mobility scooter out and about. Family member who gets carers allowance also works, and has a young family. They work 3 mornings a week, local to them and mum- they also drive. This family member spends a lot of time at my mums, which I believe is one of the reasons they claimed carers allowance. For me it’s not about the money- it’s about the time, in the last year I’ve only been to mums 3/4 times. I just don’t have useable time. Maybe my family member is struggling with it too, so a solution is needed. I have suggested my mum employed a cleaner- but she believes that her children should help her. x

[bowlingbun]

If mum needs more help then she should have a needs assessment from Social Services. It's in her hands. It's not up to the carer to tell you what to do. Tell her this very clearly, and tell mum too. Your first responsibilities are to your kids, husband and work. More than enough already.
She gets PIP to fund a cleaner.

[Claire_2201]

Thanks, I kinda knew it- just needed someone else to say it. Think I need a meeting of some kind with mum and family member to sort the next step. x

[bowlingbun]

I wouldn't, you'll get a sob story! Just tell them you can't do more.
You do NOT have to justify your decision in any way.
I ruined my life being too kind and forgetting I had a right to my own life.