[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Help :( - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Help :(

All about money
Thank you again for the support. I am trying to keep things as calm and quiet for the children as possible although they are very aware of mummy arguing with daddy and yelling. My wife has no problems with swearing or shouting in front of the children and while I never respond (no matter how tempting it is to shout back, I smile and nod and carry on) she keeps going. Wild accusations are something I am used to but she is so unpredictable now when no one else is around I have been walking on eggshells for months. She can be violent (although not since all this started) but like everything else it happens when no one is around and I have no evidence or proof. When she speaks to people she is always articulate and methodical. When they are gone she turns back to shouting, screaming and moodswings.

I just feel very backed into a corner over everything. For example, all of our benefits go into a joint account but it is overdrawn to over £3000 because of my wifes ebay habit (not much else to do when you are in a wheelchair and refuse to go out anywhere). I need to freeze it or take my name off it. She wants to keep it because the OD limit is 5K and she wants that but if I do stop using it, I will have no access to funds since I can't claim anything on my own (except JSA but how can I job hunt when I am still looking after both the girls all day).

I have another round of phonecalls to make this week but the housing department don't want to know because I am in a joint tenancy now and when I am homeless they won't be required to house me. My having no home seems to be her only case against me and explains why she has timed it like this.
Thank you again for the support. I am trying to keep things as calm and quiet for the children as possible although they are very aware of mummy arguing with daddy and yelling. My wife has no problems with swearing or shouting in front of the children and while I never respond (no matter how tempting it is to shout back, I smile and nod and carry on) she keeps going. Wild accusations are something I am used to but she is so unpredictable now when no one else is around I have been walking on eggshells for months. She can be violent (although not since all this started) but like everything else it happens when no one is around and I have no evidence or proof. When she speaks to people she is always articulate and methodical. When they are gone she turns back to shouting, screaming and moodswings.

I just feel very backed into a corner over everything. For example, all of our benefits go into a joint account but it is overdrawn to over £3000 because of my wifes ebay habit (not much else to do when you are in a wheelchair and refuse to go out anywhere). I need to freeze it or take my name off it. She wants to keep it because the OD limit is 5K and she wants that but if I do stop using it, I will have no access to funds since I can't claim anything on my own (except JSA but how can I job hunt when I am still looking after both the girls all day).

I have another round of phonecalls to make this week but the housing department don't want to know because I am in a joint tenancy now and when I am homeless they won't be required to house me. My having no home seems to be her only case against me and explains why she has timed it like this.
I cancelled my previous membership because I felt that I was too forthright for this type of forum but I've rejoined as I wanted some advice.

Whilst I sympathise with your situation, I tend to tell it as it is & give some practical advice.

I'm a semi-retired investigator & this is right up my street.

You need to record your wife in full swing.

You need to ask your parents to stump up some cash for covert recording equipment which isn't too expensive .

Your main strength is that you've looked after the kids whilst you've been your wife's carer but the downside is that social services are infested by academic dimwits who are driven by personal pc & gender related issues.

You sound like a really nice considerate person with whom the kids would be far better off but ,trust me, this can work against you so I think you'll have to become a bit of a 'street fighter' & do things that you wouldn't normally do such as covert recordings & actively seeking ways to undermine your wife. Another member mentioned cafcass & said not to sling mud, but you can sling mud without it appearing to have been slung if you do it intelligently. Also don't roll over, stay in the house as joint tenant until you're physically evicted.

If you pm me I'll give you some ideas about the equipment you could use.
So.....question about care I guess....


She has announced it is time for my replacement and she is having direct payments to emply her family to care for her (she already does this to an extent for small periods of time). She has also announced she is moving them into our home and they will be sleeping over night to "help her with the children" because she cannot get out of bed alone. She intends to use this to stop me being the childrens prime carer. I just have this crazy image of her mum or sister running round the kitchen trying to make breakfast faster than I can so they can claim I am not doing the childrens care.

I have been told she can't do this without my agreement because we have a joint tenancy but when I asked her about it she said "Tough, you cant stop me if they are my carers".

What can I do?
I'm no expert, and you'll need to check this, but I thought that direct payments couldn't be used to pay someone resident in the same house??
You definitely need some advice from someone properly qualified to do so.
Hope things improve soon.
I think that the carersUK helpline may know the answer to this one - Id try giving them a ring. Heres how to contact them.
http://www.carersuk.org/contact-us
So.....question about care I guess....


She has announced it is time for my replacement and she is having direct payments to emply her family to care for her (she already does this to an extent for small periods of time). She has also announced she is moving them into our home and they will be sleeping over night to "help her with the children" because she cannot get out of bed alone. She intends to use this to stop me being the childrens prime carer. I just have this crazy image of her mum or sister running round the kitchen trying to make breakfast faster than I can so they can claim I am not doing the childrens care.

I have been told she can't do this without my agreement because we have a joint tenancy but when I asked her about it she said "Tough, you cant stop me if they are my carers".

What can I do?
Firstly get a covert recording device, at least an audio one but cctv would be better.

You need proper legal advice because what your describing is virtually harrassment to force you to leave.

Secondly you need to contact your housing association / council/ landlord & inform them of your wife's intentions.
I have discovered today after a meeting with the council housing that because they are going to be eomployed as her carers with the DP I cannot stop them coming in and living in our home and because they will switch and not just have one person full time there is no problem with our tenancy/DP payments.

It seems that the councils attitude is move out, get a job, forget the kids and you can always beg for access later. Not very supportive at all. I am constantly getting the impression that they would rather this just quietly goes away.
I have discovered today after a meeting with the council housing that because they are going to be eomployed as her carers with the DP I cannot stop them coming in and living in our home and because they will switch and not just have one person full time there is no problem with our tenancy/DP payments.

It seems that the councils attitude is move out, get a job, forget the kids and you can always beg for access later. Not very supportive at all. I am constantly getting the impression that they would rather this just quietly goes away.
Well, unfortunately, you've answered your own question because without wishing to sound hard, of course the council just want you to disappear.

That's why I said you need proper legal advice to see if what the council numpty has told you is correct & to confirm what your rights are.

It's fairly obvious from what you say that divorce looms large & it's also obvious that a woman like your wife will tell her legal aid solicitor that, compared to you, Peter Sutcliffe was a good guy.

Which is why you need to start getting your evidence together, NOW!!