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Am I being unreasonable? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Am I being unreasonable?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
A radical idea, apply for a job on a cruise ship.

You get bed and board, you work hard and you save hard, spend as little as possible and save up to get yourself in the clear and to have savings for rent deposit etc.

But you need to be strong and determined to do it and be able to leave them once you are sure they are set up with all the care needs that they can get.

Sitting at this side of the keyboard it is a great idea, but sitting in your shoes it's not so easy, maybe a possibility or a why not? or completely out of the question - no explanation needed if it is a no.
No but hang in there. Perhaps also consider getting out of the house more.
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon Aug 15, 2022 6:41 pm
You say that you don't have enough to move out. What are you currently living on?

Are both mum and sister receiving DLA/PIP/Attendance Allowance?
Are you claiming Carers Allowance?
Do either of them give you any money for the care you provide???

Have mum and sister each had a Needs Assessment?
Does mum own her home, or rent?
Does she have over £23,000 in savings?
I get universal credit
Mum gets DLA
My sister claims carers allowance so I can’t and would just be deducted off my UC so I’d be np better off
We are awaiting my sisters assessment
My Mum rents
No she doesn’t have any savings
Breezey wrote:
Mon Aug 15, 2022 8:05 pm
A radical idea, apply for a job on a cruise ship.

You get bed and board, you work hard and you save hard, spend as little as possible and save up to get yourself in the clear and to have savings for rent deposit etc.

But you need to be strong and determined to do it and be able to leave them once you are sure they are set up with all the care needs that they can get.

Sitting at this side of the keyboard it is a great idea, but sitting in your shoes it's not so easy, maybe a possibility or a why not? or completely out of the question - no explanation needed if it is a no.
Sounds perfect but sadly not an option
That's a great shame, I wish it could be for you.
Why on earth is your sister claiming CA when you are caring for mum and sister?!
Melly1 wrote:
Mon Aug 15, 2022 5:44 pm
Marcelle,

that's a real shame re the lift.

Would you be better sharing with your sister?

Otherwise, it's a case of thinking of putting some sort of screen between your and your Mum's beds or rearranging the furniture.

Melly1

Again not an option her room isn’t big enough for 2 beds as that’s where the lift come up into and she has autism so changing rooms isn’t an option either as shell not deal with the change and she needs her own space to retreat to when she gets overwhelmed. Another good suggestion but not practical I’m afraid.
bowlingbun wrote:
Wed Aug 17, 2022 4:22 pm
Why on earth is your sister claiming CA when you are caring for mum and sister?!
Because she gave up work last April to care for Mum when I didn’t live here and is officially her carer. However having autism, Bi polar and recently diagnosed with Chronic fatigue syndrome it became clear she needed help and care too. Unfortunately due to the UC rules if she doesn’t claim she’ll be forced to look for work which isn’t really an option for her anymore so it’s easier to keep things as they are.
Marcelle, clearly you have considered many things already.
From my perspective, the only practical solution is for someone to move somewhere else, or all of you move together to a new property more suitable for mum's needs. Does mum own or rent her home?

Three people into two bedrooms with mum's lift and special needs is NEVER going to work.
You are simply banging your head against a brick wall.

Only you can change your behaviour, only mum can change hers, and sister change hers.
You can't tell each other what to do.
I guess this has been a problem all your life?

What is the matter with your sister?
Does she have a physical disability, or is she too on the autism spectrum?
What would happen to her if mum died or moved into residential care?

I know it's not nice to think about, but I'm very aware of my son's learning disability and his need for lifelong care when I am gone.
bowlingbun wrote:
Fri Aug 19, 2022 10:59 am
Marcelle, clearly you have considered many things already.
From my perspective, the only practical solution is for someone to move somewhere else, or all of you move together to a new property more suitable for mum's needs. Does mum own or rent her home?

Three people into two bedrooms with mum's lift and special needs is NEVER going to work.
You are simply banging your head against a brick wall.

Only you can change your behaviour, only mum can change hers, and sister change hers.
You can't tell each other what to do.
I totally agree with this advice from BB.

Melly1