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How do you deal with the guilt? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

How do you deal with the guilt?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I know I have to put my health first. Both my brother and my friend say I need this rest before something happens to me. I am trying not to say too much about it to her now. Our normal social worker is on leave at the moment, but have spoken to another nice lady. One of Mum 's main carers is really nice and understands too the stress that Mum can place on me and tells me often to have a rest.

Have any of you given respite to your parents? How did that go? I know now that Mum doesn't like going to strange places after having to go into hospital last week and it confused her that it triggered her dementia. :( :
Some form of respite for yourself is essential. You're in need of a good break. I know it feels awful and that we're turning our backs on our loved ones, but if you're in a mess it only make it all harder. Trust me, I know.
It’s the guilt I find hardest to cope with

My mum went into a residential home 6 weeks ago I know now it’s for the best as she is laughing and joking when she sees me

But I went through traumas. Wondering if I was doing this for me or her

The guilt is awful
Sue, carers on the forum who have walked the same path as you, have found it more helpful to acknowledge that it’s sad their care now needs residential care and to replace the term ‘guilt’ with ‘sad’.

It’s great that she is laughing and joking again. Enjoy your visits with her. You did the right thing.

Melly1
Sue
Your mum is happy, you hopefully are less stressed so you have done the right thing. No need for guilt. Your mum obviously needs 24/7 care.
I do understand the feelings of guilt, I suffered terribly. Guilt didn't help my husband being in a nursing home. Me, care managing his care at the home, is making sure his needs were met did. Sad situation