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Husband can't come home from hospital - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

Husband can't come home from hospital

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Well, the OT came this morning, as arranged, and at least she didn't suggest moving any walls. She said there was still the possibility of building a ramp to the door to the dining room (the room which is now my husband's bedroom). This was suggested previously but it was going to cost too much and it would also take up all of the patio and a fair chunk of the path around the back of the house, so a compromise was reached, giving us 2 wide shallow steps that he could use with his frame.
She had a look at the dining room and talked about carers, hoists, etc. She seemed to think a fixed hoist or a ceiling hoist may still be a possibility (not what the physios had said previously and the thought of what it would take to install a ceiling hoist fills me with dread). Of course, she said all the other furniture in the dining room would have to be moved out - the dining table is already upended in the porch and the chairs are in the loft; don't know where I'd put the dresser and the rest of the furniture. She then suggested that another solution would be to change his room to the lounge, which is a bigger room, and make the dining room into a sitting room for me. I must admit, I hadn't even thought of that, but I can see that it could be a solution. Unfortunately, that would also involve moving out a load of furniture because it wouldn't all fit in the dining room.

It's been a bit of a trying week, too. The hospital is beginning to relax the visiting rules a bit, so I was able to visit him for an hour on Tuesday. It took me the first 20 minutes to sort out his clothes, as they'd managed to mix them all up, clean with dirty. He also told me to bring home quite a few of the drinks I'd taken for him. He was in bed but had been sitting in his chair in the morning - the physio said he'd been a bit unstable in the chair so they'd put him back in bed. He still has an infection (a UTI), so is still on IV antibiotics.

His phone calls this week have been all about making the house suitable for him so that he can come home. I think the final straw was today when he said, in a very nasty voice, "Have we got a marriage or not because that's what this is all about!" and hung up. It's a good job he did hang up because I was sorely tempted to say that no, we didn't have a marriage.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed.
So he can't even stand steadily and they are talking about steps for a Zimmer frame!!!???!!!
Ridiculous. If they can't even get him steady in the hospital, this is a non starter.
Most importantly, it still doesn't address the issue of how much care he is going to need. Until they can prove he can manage without 24/7 care, coming home is not an option.
Sorry, I've confused you! We already have the 2 shallow steps which he WAS able to negotiate with his frame; the OT was revisiting the idea of a ramp. But yes, he's still a long way from any kind of mobility. I wish I knew how to make him see sense and be reasonable about going to rehab. I dread his phone calls because he's either ranting at me and trying to bully me into letting him come home, or he's tearful and very sorry for himself. Either way, it's emotional blackmail and he's trying to guilt me into doing what he wants. I realise that he's ill, depressed and probably very frightened, but there's just no reasoning with him.

I've just had another phone call from him, going on about how he's ill and there's nobody to help him. He said again that he can get out of bed, stand and walk around, but "they" won't let him. Then he became tearful, saying he's got nothing to look forward to. Then he asked me what I was planning for him and when I asked him what he meant, he just said, "You know what I mean" and that was the point where I lost it and said, "If you mean going to rehab, then it's not up to me" and I hung up. I really don't know how much more I can take.
How is he phoning you? Does he have a mobile? The nursing staff need to know what is going on. Can you record his calls? All I can suggest in the short term is blocking his number.
Yes, he has a mobile. We took him one of those easy to use, large button phones for the elderly and he still has problems using it. He's always telling me he can't hear me and I end up having to shout. He talks over me and hangs up when I say anything he doesn't like.

I have told the nursing staff about his calls but I don't think they've really taken on board what I'm trying to say. He doesn't show his attitude to other people.

The latest update from the hospital is that they've stopped the IV antibiotics and they're waiting for a rehab bed for him. I don't know if they've said anything to him, but I've only spoken to him once today. He was asking about the OTs and physios "we see at home" and I was trying to get him to understand that it's the hospital physios and OT who are making arrangements at the moment.