Much sadness

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.

I guess I'll just have to sit it out :D
It is very hard Maureen. I am the carer of my much older husband.Getting him to take his medication is very difficult yet I cannot force him or that would be abuse as he has 'mental capacity'.AT times I feel like you - I am just waiting for him to collapse and get taken into hospital or die.

Like you, I feel at times it appears he is being neglected.Sometimes it is a huge achievement just to get him into a clean dressing gown by early afternoon. His office is a tip yet he won't let me bin any of his old DVD players, Video players and old computers and printers. He has threatened to have me arrested if I get rid of anything and/or burn my clothes. I have written to the GP though explaining this and maybe you could write to your parents GP? I assume they have one? You could outline your concerns?

It is very hard and I do feel for you.
I think that writing a 'for the record' sort of letter to your parents' GP is an excellent idea. That you respect their wishes at this stage of life, but nevertheless urge them to get the most appropriate medical advice and treatment for their situation, and that you are 'on standby' to get more involved in their lives/care, wanting only the best for them.

I think, though, that it's probably going to be a question of going with THEIR flow, and maybe focussing on making their lives easier now in ways they will enjoy most. What 'treats' do they like, what would they like to do and have that they've put off for 'later' (and now IS 'later'!), and, perhaps most important of all, telling them that YOU want as many good memories of them from this time as you can have -

Depending on what they want, or are capable of, I do most fervently urge that you use this precious time to 'memory collect' and create their 'legacy'. Get their family history (SO much is lost of folk like 'Great aunt sylvia' or 'Cousin Bobby' etc with each generation - even now, my bro and I can hear ourselves say 'Oh, Dad would know that!' and he is no longer here to ask), get their ife stories about their childhoods, youth, and so on. Go through old photos, and make sure you've written on the back who where when etc, and any little 'extras' they can remember. Identify memorabilitia and where it came from and what the significance is (for example, I've got a little letter opener knife that came from Granada and every time I use it think with huge fondness and love of the visit my mum and made to the Alhambra decades and decades ago....)

Think of this time now as 'sunset time'. A setting sun is always 'sad' as it marks the end of the day, but its rich and glowing light is a glorious tribute to the day that has been....
Thank you.

I appreciate all of your suggestions - they are very helpful.