Is it bad I feed my mom whatever she wants?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
stacey _1705
Member
Member
Posts: 93
Joined: Wed May 10, 2017 3:21 pm

Re: Is it bad I feed my mom whatever she wants?

Postby stacey _1705 » Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:39 pm

I have just more or less said what jenny said on your other thread .i just came on here and seen our thoughts are exactly the same.it would be better addresses these issues cause at 38 invitely it is going to get worse sorry and that its not a good situation for you and your siblings

Henrietta
Member
Member
Posts: 2314
Joined: Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:46 pm

Re: Is it bad I feed my mom whatever she wants?

Postby Henrietta » Mon Jun 19, 2017 5:55 am

Hi - sorry I thought I had replied yesterday but seems to have disappeared. I was wondering if your mum could be persuaded to have a gastric band fitted or other surgical procedure?

Greta
Member
Member
Posts: 627
Joined: Fri Dec 27, 2013 9:05 am

Re: Is it bad I feed my mom whatever she wants?

Postby Greta » Mon Jun 19, 2017 8:38 am

Jenny, I had replied at length on the other thread before you wrote. But there is not much advice I can give. I also feel extremely uncomfortable discussing the subject because there is so much prejudice against this particular disability. My brother was walking around, though slowly, till he was about 78. He had in-patient treatment in his forties. He even lost 9 stone while almost bedridden a few years ago, by eating everything he wanted at weekends and only fruit during the week - made possible by my other brother bringing fruit upstairs and him only going downstairs at weekends. But this made little difference to his mobility.

In the case of a 38-year-old woman who weighs 50 stone, I agree that a gastric band or bypass would be the way forward. These procedures also affect the appetite (assuming the lady can't stop eating - we don't actually know much about why she is obese). But it is not for us to intervene here as doctors. I think the mother would need to want it, to see a doctor, to try to lose weight before she was even permitted the operation - and I believe there are cutbacks in gastric bands and bypasses, even though they have been shown to cut NHS costs in the long term, reverse diabetes for example - a long process.

The question as to whether a person is responsible if they enable eating is a bit outside our field, isn't it? But the situation of a 38-year-old and an 80-year-old is not comparable, so I really don't think I can add anything.

jenny lucas
Member
Member
Posts: 5548
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:39 pm

Re: Is it bad I feed my mom whatever she wants?

Postby jenny lucas » Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:17 am

Greta, hi - I hadn't seen the other posts, didn't realise they were there, so apols for that. I'm not trying to 'drag you in' to a conversation simply that the vast majority of forum members aren't looking after a caree with this particular health problem.

I do agree there is prejudice (blame the patient) etc when it comes to obesity - maybe it's because so many of us 'fear' it ourselves???? (And we know that, grimly, for many of us, like me, the ONLY way to avoid obesity is by endless 'self-denial' which we actually hate, and sets up huge psychological tensions in us - as in 'we want to be slim and healthy'....BUT ....'we also want to eat that lovely food'....oh, what shall it be, what shall it be, torment, squirm, resentment, guilt, etc etc - NOT a healthy situation mentally!!!)

I do think it's very encouraging, though, to read that your brother WAS able to shift a substantial amount of his excess weight at some point in his life, so that does point out that it IS possible to do so, even in very difficult cirumstances, which must give some hope for Matt.

I guess, Matt, in the end, it comes down to whether you and your sisters opt for following whatever medical advice your mother is now receiving, as to her food intake, or what your mum herself would prefer. Please don't 'beat yourself up' about whichever decision you make, however. You are NOT responsible for your mother's ill health, and, in the end, I, speaking only personally, feel it is 'her call' as to what she does, and that is she does choose to continue in her current lifestyle (which is very understandable given the immense difficulty and challenge of becoming healthy again)(in both effort, constants self-deprivation, and maybe worst of all time....ie, getting healthy is a long-haul for her now, alas), then she does have a 'right' to do so. Were you and your sisters still minors, I would say otherwise, as I think parents of pre-adult children do have a 'duty of emotional care' to their children (my own opinion only), to take reasonable care of their health so their premature death is not a risk to them. But once one's children have grown up - and you are on the edge of adulthood now - then I think (again, only speaking personally) we 'get back' the right to live as we please, whatever the consequences (eg, to take another example, to take up a highly dangerous hobby, such as mountain climbing, even if it risks our lives!).

I don't know whether any of this 'discussion' here on the forum has helped or hindered you in answering your original . All I can say is I hope it hasn't hindered, even if it hasn't helped.

Wishing you what best there may be, in a very difficult and intractable situation.

Pet66
Member
Member
Posts: 2245
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 7:22 pm
Location: West Midlands

Re: Is it bad I feed my mom whatever she wants?

Postby Pet66 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:57 am

Matt,
I do understand one thing. A person has to really WANT to lose weight, give up drinking smoking or whatever the issue is with the individual. That is the key. Something usually triggers. With me, I saw myself in a shop window, a few years ago, and had a shock at my weight gain. Something happened in my brain to make me do something. However, food is still a comfort to me and like many others it's a battle. So, whatever the suggestions, advice etc, it's your mom who has to be in charge.
I do wish you the very best in this emotional situation, hope you source the equipment to make life more comfortable for everyone concerned. I realise that's the question you asked us, and not what to do about your mom's weight issue.
Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks

stacey _1705
Member
Member
Posts: 93
Joined: Wed May 10, 2017 3:21 pm

Re: Is it bad I feed my mom whatever she wants?

Postby stacey _1705 » Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:02 am

Yes matt it will be your mums decision to want too do something about it. It is an addiction so will be very hard and if she cant do it or wants to because it will be too hard she thinks then all you can do is get the equipment your looking and try and get her some care so you can get to uni and stuff. Good luck


Return to “All about caring”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests