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Xmas Ho Ho Ho - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Xmas Ho Ho Ho

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi all,
In shops today and everywhere I looked there where things for Christmas . Selection Boxs , crackers,
sweets, even seen Xmas trees (artificial), cards, tinsel , you name it. It's hard to look at it, normally when the we novelties came out I would have bought mum just to cheer her a we bit. I don't know
how I am going to get through it. First Christmas without mum.
Hello Minnie

'first' anniversaries are always the hardest - first Christmas, first Birthday etc

I remember the first Christmas without my Dad - it seemed very strange that he wasn't there to carve the turkey or argue over a game of monopoly (only played at christmas !); but we found ourselves remembering all the silly little things that used to happen at Christmas and that helped to 'lighten' the mood a little. We lit a candle that the grand-children labelled 'Papa' and kept it lit in his memory for the whole holiday.

If you are going to be on your own then might I suggest you find somewhere to volunteer ? Maybe a local Care Home or your local hospital or hospice ? Perhaps the Vicar at your local church could point you in the direction of a local homeless charity that need volunteers. Try not to be on your own otherwise you'll set a precedent for all Christmas's to come.

And yes, I agree Christmas does start too early these days - nothing should be in the shops until November at the earliest !
The nice thing about the season is making contact with many people you havent managed to stay in contact with during the year, for wotever reason.
Even if you know you will lose contact again for another year Image

If you have profound religious beliefs then it is a time for celebration. Celebrate.

The cost. Well, i for one have learnt not to get in debt for the sake of it.
Presence not presents remember?
It is US who make it commercial.

Resist getting swept up in it .....its only 24 hours and it really is not compulsory to watch the Sound of Music Image Image
Too right! Ive never watched it nor intend to!
Nilla you are so right, xmas has become too comercialised now, I would love for it to go back to how it was even when I was a kid,
Family together, roaring log fires, a cosy happy day without the hussle and bussle and the massive expense of everything these days.

Last year me and my wife called off christmas because we didnt know when our daughter was due and could have been born around that time, xmas was just an extra strain that we simply didnt need, a simple roast meal and a glass of wine in the company of the one I love more than anything else in the world and you know what? I enjoyed that so much more than opening presents or worrying had I bought the right thing for the family etc, we sent out nothing, we received nothing as I told the family not to last year and it meant alot to me that they honoured my wishes.

This year however we now have our beautifull daughter and we really want to make it a special time for her but done the traditional way, the way it should be done, but as ive said, now im not working we have no money left over after the bills have been met and food put on the table so the extra financial pressure its going to put us under is horrible and as such will spoil it for me as its going to have to be catalogues in order to get anything, that will leave us with a debt that I will doubtless spend the next 6 months paying off ( we are already getting daily phone calls from NEXT over an outstanding bill that we arranged to pay off on the 3rd of October but they perisist in telephoning and demanding money everyday)

I know im not the only one in this position but at the same time I spent years digging us out of massive debt thanks to my own stupidity when I was younger and really dont want to end up back in that position again but with our financial sitiuation the way it is I dont see how it can be avoided when extras have to be bought. Then you get the TV ads that state such and such for ONLY £99.99 etc, yeah ONLY, all very well when you are working and can afford stuff and even then its tough in todays climate.
Simon its the same here hubby lost his job Jan 1st this year and has no chance of another with his age and bad health so we are struggling on benefits, I really dont know how we will cope this year as its the first year on benefits in our whole lives.

My perfect xmas would be to stay in PJ's all day clean ones of course lol have a buffet for lunch as I hate all the cooking and washing up after xmas lunch and just to watch TV all day, as it is my Mum will be coming and she expects the full lunch, best clothes on etc etc last year when I hinted at a buffet lunch she was horrified! My eldest daughter and her hubby do exactly what they want and even though they live next door to her hubbys dad they dont see him at all xmas day lol, wish I had the guts to do that!
Thanks everybody,
I enjoyed reading all your posts, It feels good I'm not the only one
thinking that way about Christmas.
Susieq - thanks, the candles a nice idea. might do that. Image
I believe Christmas day falls on a Sunday this year. the women in shop said the other day
boasting like "it's only 13 weeks to Christmas eve, I have bought all my presents, and
wrapped them" I stood with my mouth open , thought I was hearing things. Image Image Ho Ho
It's well they have nothing else to think about.
Minnie, I agree with Susie,

This Christmas will be very hard. Try and do something so that you aren't stuck at home - visit friends you haven't seen in years/do some voluntary work etc

Spend some time too with someone who can help you reminise and remember some of the lighter moments you shared with your Mum.

Start a new tradition to honour/remember your Mum at Christmas.

Imagine what she would be saying to you about all of this.

Last year was the first year for 10yrs that my brother had shared xmas with us. He was very confused when my daughter told him that great grandad had been invited and mum was just sorting him out.

I had to explain that for xmas dinner I always used the dinner service that my grandad had been given for his 21st birthday ( they all worked in the potteries, its hand painted and beautiful). He always loved his xmas dinner so its my way of remembering him.

My brother thinks I'm a total nutter Image
Melly - thanks, I took in a lot of what you said, your right. mum would say have a good time
Booksey- Image Image started thinking about china tea sets in the cupboard now. cheers
bahhh humbug!!!!!! thats me Image , its the work you put in, expense,shopping wasting my energy Image (agghh)...well it does my nut in...... all commercialised
my daughters not a happy bunny with changes, and will usually do her full expletive rant when she see's decorations up in nov Image ....headbutted the window last year, i start explaining in oct that we are near and its for children but it dosnt help......laisy daisy, i avoid card shops like the plague, there were times i wanted to litterally throw all the cards up in the air,and scream at people, your grieving and people are going about their daily business... when you had to buy one just for dad instead of mum and dad etc, i get them in january now.........all just for one day, yep im a christmas grump...and proud of it Image Image ......
I haven't bothered with Christmas since my Dad died 2 days before Christmas 31 years ago.
I don't put up any decorations or tree, even the cards just get dumped in one big pile. I do cook a turkey dinner which I have to mash up for Mum, but that's it. When I say that I cook a dinner, I buy it all in M&S so you only have to take off lids and open packets etc, which is perfect for me as I can't leave my Mum's bedroom for more than 5 minutes at a time, it normally tastes ok though!!

I only have to buy a few presents so I am lucky. I have already bought my carers chocolates - they were half price and so were the biscuits I needed. The wine that I get for my brother's parents-in-law is already bought aswell. I do the £10 meals in M&S through the year and give the wine as presents Image

Minnie, Christmas will be hard for you, just take it as it comes and don't put any pressure on yourself. xx