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Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 12:26 pm
by gary_18041
Hi there all,
I'm not gonna go on and on but I've been a carer now for 27 years and I gave up a career as a plasterer which I was very successful at. I gave it all up to become a carer as my daughter is disabled. Now looking back on my experience love the years I would NOT ! recommend anyone giving everything up to become a carer. You get very little recognition and terrible money , it's disgusting and if somehow your caring role stops you are left lost and hopeless with probably no chance of a job the DWP can't wait to stop your money and you left helpless and poor for what ! I'm sorry but if anyone asked me I would say don't do it look for other option but keep tour life for you.

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 12:57 pm
by Chris From The Gulag
In the absence of the State taking responsibility to protect it's most vunerable citizens , what " Choice " is there other than to care ???

Our Lord Kitch spells out in no uncertain terms the " Rights " any new family carer can expect to encounter ... to be more precise , the lack thereof !!!!

That situation will only be altered IF the NHS and social care is recombined.

From the cradle to the grave.

A phrase echoing through the decades ... ever since 1948 , and the founding of the NHS under Aneurin " Nye " Bevan.

To recommend caring ( Or not ) is not feasible in many caring situations ... there is NO choice other than to care !!!

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 1:28 pm
by Anne_16081
I don't believe anyone goes into caring for a loved one for the money. I care for my 80 year old husband 24/7 (I am 78). As I am in receipt of my state pension, I get paid nothing, it is considered a 'benefit'. I have given up quite a lot I suppose, but then I know he is cared for properly, safely, with love (and humour) and dignity. Given the same set of circumstances, would I do it again? Most certainly.

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 2:10 pm
by Woodpecker
NO WAY. I'm 55 and have been caring for my 84 year old husband for 14years, although just the last 18mths 24/7. I have no children, very few friends (because have no time to see them) and no time for myself, no holiday for 15years. I certainly wouldn't do it again, but you get sucked in very slowly, don't realise you are caring for a while (in my case). I'd advise anyone to run as fast as possible in the other direction!!!!!!

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 2:24 pm
by MumWhoCares
It's a difficult one because, for most people, if you don't care for your loved one, who will? I've a sixteen year old son with complex needs. The NHS have been dreadful at almost every step of the way, with one or two exceptions. The educational provision was so poor I ended up doing it myself for ten years (and lo, having told them I wasn't willing to home educate him beyond the end of 2017 he is now in his thirteenth week of no education because the LA haven't organised anything for him). Social services worked very hard to build a fabricated child protection case against me but other than that haven't lifted a finger. If I walked out of the door now and just left he'd probably be dead by Thursday of next week, if not sooner. I am trying now to start the process of transitioning to full time care for him but I'm aware provision is often poor and I don't think I've ever met anyone who's been able to take a completely 'hands off' approach when someone else is providing the care because it doesn't always seem to be done properly or to a very good standard. I wouldn't recommend caring to anybody but at the same time I don't think there's always a way to avoid doing it unless you walk away completely - which most of us wouldn't want to do. It's a cruel and heartless system, in my opinion.

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 3:19 pm
by helena_1512
Linda I agree. It happens very slowly. We get sucked in and then realise we have less and less freedom as we do more and more and the person we are caring for goes downhill. We are getting older too.......

If there were any other way, I would NOT be a carer. And if I had realised how long it was going to go on for, then maybe I would have made very different decisions back in 2013 when my husband had the brain heamatoma.

But it is easy to be wise in hindsight isn't it? Most of us love or have loved our carees so it is very hard to walk away and what would happen to them if we did?

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 7:48 pm
by gary_18041
Thanks for the replies was very interesting reading them. I understand we feel the best carer for a loved one is us and we are probably right. And it's true you do get sucked in and you do loose friends have no social life. The isolation is awful and I find you become quite anti social I know I am lol . I wish you all well and good luck and best wishes.
Regards,
Gary.

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:07 pm
by Ree_1802
I would not recommend.
Once you're in the carers club, it's very very hard to get out.

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:28 pm
by MrsAverage
I think caring for a family member can be recommended
IF there is a team involved, family or state or both
IF there is sufficient income
IF there is regular respite guaranteed
IF there is life/work/housing guaranteed for the carer after caring
Or IF iit is known to be short-term only

This can be managed if it is treated as a whole family issue, but never works if any one of the IFs above isn't met.
Hindsight and foresight do help but current government systems don't , sadly

Re: Would you recommend caring.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:47 pm
by Chris From The Gulag
5 " Ifs " ... 0 for 5 in my case.

Sure , support IS out there but ... at a price few can afford.

At best , most readers would score a maximum of 2 ... at a pinch ?