[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Would you recommend caring. - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Would you recommend caring.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Looking at the "if's list again, the most common problem is the refusal of the caree to have someone outside the family, and theway the carees wishes akways seem to trump everyone else's in the eyes of officialdom. So while in thory the carer should hold all the power, in practice that's often not the case. Then of course there's the issue of housing and potential homelessneess for the carer!
For some , me included , becoming a carer overnight can be akin to losing almost everything in a poker game.

One's whole live , and aspirations , are thrown out the window.

A new world to explore ... and to survive in with ever decreasing financial resources.

Perhaps more severe for a few on larger salaries which , even then , go no way in replacing one's self as the carer.

.... and , if it's only you and your caree ... ?
And another thing that's makes me angry about being a carer as well is like today I tried to buy a motorcycle on finance today and the woman almost laughed when I told her what I earn of course I was to low income to be accepted and I felt like a fool. Not this government or any previous have made carers a recognised occupation with status and they should pay a proper bloody wage to us all but they don't give a crap abouts us not only can we do the things normal people do but we can't have a life either. I hate them all and if anyone asked me to be a carer I would say no way.
There are huge similarities in caring for an adult caree and being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mum) for pre-schoolers.

Both are roles that require giving up paid work, and the income that goes with paid work.

However, there are huge differences too -

Once children reach school age (though that can take maybe ten years if you have three children spaced out!), mums (or dads - ie, 'one of the parents') can get at least part time work, ie, around the school timetable and terms, so it will bring in some income, though obviously not a 'full salary'.

Until our carees die (or go into residential care) that won't happen. In the dreadful dreadful situation of a child needing care, and into adulthood, of course there is no 'end date' within the lifespan of the carer - carers can 'outlive' their caree....

BUT, it seems to me that the main difference between being a carer for an adult and a SAHM mum is simply what the state is prepared to pay for us to do.

I've never had to bring up a child 'on the state' but it seems that the 'wage' paid by the state to SAHM (ie, non-paid-working) mums (or dads!) is much higher than measly Carers Allowance! You get more money for every child (and BOY is that an incentive to get pregnant again...and again....and again!), plus tax credits and so on.

I'm not saying that SAHM/non-paid-working mums (or dads!) have it easy, but they seem to have it considerably easier than those who care for adults......

It's daft, really - the UK is grossly overcrowed and yet MORE children in the population is hardly what we need. But hey, they'll grow up to be tax-paying adults, so presumably that is why the government pays parents to keep having children....???
Well my daughter been kicking off for hours now she has black eyes and alsorts, had to giver her Diazepam and taking hours to work. Eventually have a emergency doctor coming God knows when like she still wailing. Me and the Wife starting to think about giving it up now it's a joke.
There is only so much anyone can do, there comes a time when only a team of 24/7 carers can manage. Have you looked at any residential options? Asked Social Services to arrange a new Needs Assessment as her needs are intensifying? Had a Carers Assessment in the last year?
Gary, maybe the most important question to consider is how aware your daughter is of you and her mum, and of the world around her. Putting it bluntly, would she miss you if you weren't there?

I know that's a brutal thing to say, but if the answer is 'not much' then that DOES help to tilt the balance towards you and your wife 'bowing out' of non-stop care for your daughter.

Of course that doesn't ask the reverse question, ie, whether YOU two would miss her if she weren't living with you (I'm not talking about missing the difficulty of caring for her, but the actual 'we-miss-our-daughter-because-we-love-her' issue.

At the completely other end of the care/life spectrum, by way of example, my 93 year old mother in law with now deep dementia no longer 'misses' me because she simply is very little aware of her surroundings. She used to miss me - but her mind has now faded to the point where she barely recognises me.

That does help to 'reconcile' me to the fact that I don't look after her myself.

Care 'at the extreme' - ie, for a highly dsaibled person, or someone elderly with deep dementia - is ALWAYS at the 'tragic' end of the Human Condition Spectrum (ie, the 'How do I live my life' question we all have to address, each one of us).

There are NO 'nice answers' - because the only 'good' answer is for our carees not to be so ill they NEED care.
Well on Saturday i had to phone the Police regarding my son he had a Psychotic episode and attacked me. I cant leave him with my wife as he gets in her face shouting and screaming. Cant do it no more going to phone Social Services and tell them he has to go. I feel like a piece of shit doing this but i have no option. I'm broken hearted but have to be strong for the Family :(