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Working to rule - Carers UK Forum

Working to rule

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Following my mum's failure go into arranged respite this week and taking cognisance of others advice here, have withdrawn myself from making arrangements on her (non medically urgent) appointments. Why should I bother?

Still fulfilling what I see as my duty of care by buying & preparing food (for carers to heat), in addition to doing laundry (due to incontinence).

Spoke gp yesterday he tried talk me round but stood firm. Phone CMH to cancel her appointment (as agreed with doc not fair on psych if no-show) mon. Screened their return calls to rearrange - her support worker can handle (or not) tomorrow.

Sadly seems be only way 'system' will take notice.

Had a 'duvet day' and glad I did.
It's hard, isn't it? I hope a duvet day has helped.

I've arranged for the Care Agency to send someone once a week, to do the shopping. I'm not involved in that at all, now. Is that something you could arrange?
If you love someone enough to care for them, they should appreciate your love and care enough to allow you to have a break. Next time go away and let the carers do everything, especially the washing.
Totally agree with BB.

Does your mum have dementia? That is the only 'excuse' for refusing to go into respite to give you a break.
My mum has not had diagnosis as yet was due to see shrink on monday but have rescheduled to next month for logistical reasons. I got her support worker to make transport arrangements after all what we pay agency for. Support worker made good fist of it to be fair.

GP thinks she on 'edge of capacity'. For my part I don't think am ready to compel my mum go into residential care whether respite or longer. Disposition of family home to me spells out she has liferent. My late father put this in specifically to prevent me (in reality a grasping spouse!) turfing either them out. Although POA would trump that it is very much a 'nuclear option'

Yes my mum is being quite selfish but then I guess that is her right. She does acknowledge my efforts and does want me get away 'for a break from her' and happy pay for it etc etc. I do think asking her go into respite for three nights wasn't unreasonable but I can't/won't force her.

It is not 24/7 care I have provide and with care agy coming in can just bout cope. Should they pull plug that be different matter but hopefully won't come that... :unsure:
G Fraser_1612 wrote:
Thu Feb 08, 2018 11:06 pm
GP thinks she on 'edge of capacity'. For my part I don't think am ready to compel my mum go into residential care whether respite or longer. Disposition of family home to me spells out she has liferent. My late father put this in specifically to prevent me (in reality a grasping spouse!) turfing either them out. Although POA would trump that it is very much a 'nuclear option'
I think your phone's predictive text has had fun with this! :lol:

I take it that your dad placed a legal covenant on the house deeds that your mother has a life interest in the property? i.e. that she has the right to live there until she dies? If so, a POA wouldn't trump that without removing the covenant. I'm not sure why anyone would place such a covenant ont he deeds in respect of someone who owns the property - I've only ever come across 'life interest' as something grven to a non-owner, such as when a husband dies intestate and his wife's name wasn't on the deeds as co-owner. In that case, the house would go to the children while preserving the wife's right to live there as a lifetime interest. Mind, I haven't checked if law on that has changed in last 10 years and I never looked at the interaction with POA. My angle was purely about assessing the correct tax on the estate.
Yes my mum is being quite selfish but then I guess that is her right. She does acknowledge my efforts and does want me get away 'for a break from her' and happy pay for it etc etc. I do think asking her go into respite for three nights wasn't unreasonable but I can't/won't force her.
If she prefers to pay for you to go away for a break, then go. That's her choice.
Liferent is Scots law, isn't it?
Damn! Caught out for the blinkered sassenach that I am! :lol:
I was just putting it as if I knew. I thought liferent sounded archaic but I'd heard it somewhere, so I looked it up. So if it's Scots it will be embedded in a system I don't know anything about. I don't even know if tenants in common and joint tenants are part of it. It should be simpler than the English system (no equity in Scotland) but that's all I know. It's probably a bit like German law, which I know a little bit about. I am used to encountering these life interests for a widow there.
Greta wrote:
Fri Feb 09, 2018 1:32 pm
I don't even know if tenants in common and joint tenants are part of it. It should be simpler than the English system (no equity in Scotland) but that's all I know. I
I regret I don't understand "no equity in Scotland".

This makes clear the difference between legal ownership in Scotland vs England & Wales. As far as I can see the major difference is that the disposal of the property under a joint tenancy has to be explicitly stated in legal documents, rather than being assumed within the law.

These dratted northern legalities!! :cheer: