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Winter, a more difficult time for carer & who they care for. - Carers UK Forum

Winter, a more difficult time for carer & who they care for.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I found last winter difficult so was not looking forward to this winter. The problems? It being too cold etc., to take my husband who cannot walk far, out in the wheelchair which means that little journeys to the shops is not on. Since last winter he has deteriorated in not taking an interest in things which he could before. I have got him into a day centre for two days a week but all this means that over winter he will be doing more sitting and asking family to fill in on jobs which cannot be fitted into the 4 hours he is at the day centre. I feel it is already having an effect on his body and legs just having the house to walk around in. Walking in a park which has seats every so often is also out for winter. There are car journeys but it is still more sitting. Roll on spring!
I've been trying to get my dad to agree to 2 days at the Age UK day centre as I could see this problem creeping up too. Still working on him!
My husband always used to say he wasn't a joiner but he has gone past making these decisions now and he just seems to go along with it. He doesn't ask where we are going when we set out. The staff are very good to them. It is early days yet and he has started with one day a week and has only been once for 2 days. It will probably be after xmas when it settles regularly to two days every week. I dread the time when he might say when we get there, he is not going in. I will tell him it is good for us both to meet other people but when he digs his heels in it is a job to change it.
I can relate to that Daffy! My dad deteriorates considerably at winter. He cannot gt out in the wheelchair either - and refuses to if it is cold, even when it isnt icy, as he has poor circulation.

I am trying to keep him occupied with tv, radio, audio books and indoor things to do -= but without the social side, he gets depressed. He does belong to a church group that have a sunday meal once a month and a social meeting onc monthly - with transport to both, and my aunt lunches with him once a month, too - but otherwise, he doesnt really see anyone except for appts.

Like Juggler, I have suggested to dad that he should go to a day center - even just for half a day a week. He is always complaining that he is lonely.... But he refuses. I think he is worried about transport - he doesnt want to go in a car as its difficult to get in and out and wheelchair cars cost a lot and.....

We do have a few people i can invite over for a cuppa/lunch - but he generally refuses to let me 'bother' them. He has a few invites to pop in on people too - so as long as the weather holds, i am hoping he will get to do some visiting. I only wish his friends were less busy and more able to pop over to lunch without being asked formally... or my aunt would come more often.

Apparently, now he is officially diagnosed with dementia, he is entitled to a dementia sitter on a weekly basis - giving me a breather too - but we have yet to arrange that. There are also a few groups who will provide someone to come and chat over a cuppa wekly... but i have yet to make enquiries as he doesnt want me to.
We all have a difficult time caring but I somehow feel people caring for parents are worse off. I can't explain why.
Yes, there are things out there to take them to but sometimes I feel I am always asking him to get ready for something or other which takes more effort on their part. My husband is in hospital at the moment and again you feel they are always pulling them about for something or other. Changing the bed, taking blood, blood pressure etc., the list seems endless.
Daffy, that's true . I also find it hard in winter getting Hubby (77) to get ready for short outings when it's cold/windy etc. Sometimes he just can't be bothered. We have two neighbours, both widowers, and I keep suggesting he ask them in for a cup of tea, but he "doesn't want to bother them" I am shortly going to reduce my hours at work then it will be easier to encourage him to go out a bit.
Phoebe x
We also had this problem about wintertime. Why wait for your caree to invite people round? You can do this and put the kettle on. Just say that 'so and so said they'd pop round. You don't have to say you invited them, it's not telling fibs, just say that they're going to come round (which they are!).
Hubby never used to like 'bothering people' either, but if I invited neighbours round, he used to love it. I'd pretend to be in another room doing something, so's to leave them to enjoy the company without me around, whilst still being on call if needed.
Daffy,
So true, I dread the winter, at least in spring/summer/autumn we can sit in the garden, tend to pots etc, but winter time seems to be 'same 4 walls' weather!
xx
Nana, this seems to be a common problem- the caree not wanting to "bother" people. But also, people dont like just popping in because they dont want to be a "nuisance" . I would agree with your solution - invite people round without letting on that you'd invited them and see what happens.
It doesnt always work though - MIL once told the vicar (who was actually a friend of hers) to P off Image Image Luckily he was just amused.
My severely physically disabled son who uses a powered wheelchair and is attached to a ventilator to help him breathe still goes out in the winter (to Firhill to support his team, Partick Thistle). Its far healthier than being cooped up indoors. The only weather he doesn't go out in is heavy fog. He is extremely well wrapped up with lots of layers and a warm fleece blanket over his outdoor coat. He has another fleece blanket over his legs then a silver survival blanket on top. He also has various handwarmers placed about his person Image

Eun