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WHY DO YOU CARE ? IS IT LOVE OR MONEY ? - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

WHY DO YOU CARE ? IS IT LOVE OR MONEY ?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
83 posts
When my mother was alive, she looked after my sister 24/7, i think she felt it was her duty , she brought her into this world so she would look after her .
she never went to clubs , day centres etc social workers were a no no .
Later when my mother had a stroke we moved in with them to look after both of them . When my mother passed away it never once entered my head to put my sister into care, instead i got her into a day centre,which she loves, she has " her own friends " now whereas and ( sometimes now ) my friends were her friends .
Yes i do find i dont have a social life , " normal " etc, we have one son ( grown up ) and i would love to do " normal things " like going out for a meal , go visiting, go on holiday etc when i wanted to, but i still do these things ,when she is in respite care .
As my husband says , the government and social work know people like us ( carers ) will look after them and play on your concience, i have family who stay near us , but take nothing to do with us let alone help us , i think it is either in your nature to care or not.
I only wish my mother could see , who is looking after my sister now , being cared for ,being loved , and most of all she is happy, her golden boy who could do no wrong ? or us ?, sorry for the rant but i had to get this off my chest .
gemini
Unless it's a "job choice" - like some people that foster I suppose. I don't think anyone would care for the money. The money is peanuts and if you look at it in terms of hours worked, it's even worse.

I care out of compassion. My husband was difficult to live with before his COPD worsened and now he is really horrible. He is short tempered, insulting, and argumentative. He is not affectionate and as far as I can tell, not appreciative of anything I do. He does not have a clue how I feel about anything nor does he care to know. At a time in our lives, with both of us not working, we should have been able to travel and get out once in a while. Instead, we're both isolated and housebound because of his illness.

Yes, I've thought about leaving, but I could not subject any human being in his condition to a life alone at the mercy of paid "carers." His two daughters have lives of their own and would not be able to care for him. One is a full time carer herself for her young, severely disabled son. The other is - for lack of a better word - too selfish to care for her father.

I lost a job in February that allowed me to work at home full time; apart from a few weeks of travel a year when I needed relatives or paid carers to look after my husband. Although it is somewhat of a moot point given the nonexistent job market in my field, I cannot even consider positions I would have been able to pursue a few years ago. If it was just me I would be really happy to take any job at any company willing to hire me - now, it's not even a consideration.

"THE SOCIAL WORKER THEN ASKED ME IF I WAS LOOKING AFTER STAN JUST FOR HIS CASH " How in the heck did you keep from punching her???
A social worker asked me many years ago the same question,I said I just pity you woman if you have'nt the intelligence to understand, but thats Officaldom for you they only understand the paperwork thats written for them the poor souls.

The Disparity between two caring organisations by successive governments is I feel down to the fact the in the majority of cases we are talking about young vunerable children and that puts the fear of god into administrators also the organisations like Barnardos, Save the children, and the rest have a bigger influence on Governments than any of our institutions
I MAY BE WRONG BUT THAT IS WHAT i FEEL
Yes all down to image The ill and the old dont get you into the papers.
Hey Thanks George for this interesting and thought provoking thread! I guess this answers your question that Carers care out of love & compassion, and they do a brilliant job, maintaing thier loved ones health & wellbeing, maybe even saving their life, maybe even helping to cure them...whatever the reason I find Carers and the Cared For an inspiration!
Hey Thanks George for this interesting and thought provoking thread! I guess this answers your question that Carers care out of love & compassion,
Well, most do care for love. There are some rogue family carers out there too - who provide the basics but build up a huge resentment and anger that their lives have become so restricted. Elder abuse is sadly common, and often undiscovered or swept under the carpet - it can be financial, physical or mental, and it happens in the home as also in institutions.

That's largely why I believe that caring should be shared amongst the family and also involve a real partnership with professional agencies in a range of appropriate community settings; - be they charities, the private sector, or the state. Sharing the care is the only way to protect vulnerable individuals - and carers too - from exploitation.
Dear Excalibur

Not everyone has a family with whom they can share the caring. My in-laws live on the other side of Scotland and are in their 80's. Mother in law has heart problems and father in law has Parkinson's disease. My parents are nearer but are also elderly and my father has had two strokes, a heart bypass, new heart valves, chronic lymphatic leukemia, emphysema and is peg fed.

That leaves son with his dad and I and no one else. My husband does the majority of the care (which is why I am able to consider going to work in order to be able to pay for more help I hope).

Regards

Eun
We too have no family in a position to share care and I have real concerns about the issue of elder abuse because whilst I realise that genuine abuse does occur it seems that any normal negative family interaction is now defined as abuse if one of the parties is deemed to be vulnerable. The Government's plans to update the No Secrets guidance to enable social workers to remove a vulnerable person from their home regardless of their wishes if there is any suspicion of abuse seems to me, and to many disabled people like me, a step too far and a denial of autonomy. Because I love my husband I sometimes get angry with him, for example when he will not comply with treatment, does that constitute psychological abuse, apparently it does. Equally as a disabled person I too am deemed to be vulnerable so if my husband is nasty to me I too am apparently being abused. Neither of us would agree with that definition we are simply a married couple with normal interactions some of them negative.
and as its normal family life

Article 8 – Right to respect for private and family life

1. Everyone has the right to respect for his private and family life, his home and his correspondence.
2. There shall be no interference by a public authority with the exercise of this right except such as is in accordance with the law and is necessary in a democratic society in the interests of national security, public safety or the economic well-being of the country, for the prevention of disorder or crime, for the protection of health or morals, or for the protection of the rights and freedoms of others.
Well, most do care for love. There are some rogue family carers out there too - who provide the basics but build up a huge resentment and anger that their lives have become so restricted. Elder abuse is sadly common, and often undiscovered or swept under the carpet - it can be financial, physical or mental, and it happens in the home as also in institutions.

That's largely why I believe that caring should be shared amongst the family and with professional agencies in a range of appropriate community settings; - be they charities, the private sector, or the state. Sharing the care is the only way to protect vulnerable individuals - and carers too - from exploitation.
I dont fully agree with the bit in bold Mr Excalibur but I do agree in the italicised bit. I think if a caring role needs to be shared amongts people then I think it should be shared with the people most fit for the job. If Sarah's mum & I were unable to look after Sarah I wouldnt feel comfortable letting anyone else in her family look after her. I'd much prefer for her to be in the hands of the hospital.

I say this because I do not think anyone else in the family could provide the degree of care that me and her mum can provide. This is mainly down to when Sarah was growing up her mum was her carer and others just stood back and looked on.
83 posts